The MD guide to the 50 greatest 70s household dangers. In order. Part 2.
Number 50
The Pink Panther Bar. Officially the sweetest substance ever made. Enough sugar to turbo-rot teeth. Enough e-number to destabilize a child for 8 hours. Why dentists drove sports cars in the 70s.
Number 50
The Pink Panther Bar. Officially the sweetest substance ever made. Enough sugar to turbo-rot teeth. Enough e-number to destabilize a child for 8 hours. Why dentists drove sports cars in the 70s.
Number 49
The phone lock/party line combo. Da had another accident with the electric carving knife? Need an urgent ambulance? Better make sure you've got the key and the neighbours aren't using the party line. And it's after 6pm because nobody dared use the phone until then.
The phone lock/party line combo. Da had another accident with the electric carving knife? Need an urgent ambulance? Better make sure you've got the key and the neighbours aren't using the party line. And it's after 6pm because nobody dared use the phone until then.
Number 48
The borrowed school recorder. Initial reassuring whiff of Dettol, followed by the horror of discovering a small reservoir of collective spittle in the head. A germ farm.
The borrowed school recorder. Initial reassuring whiff of Dettol, followed by the horror of discovering a small reservoir of collective spittle in the head. A germ farm.
Number 47
The Pifco Facial Sauna. Burnt, bright-red faces galore. Our Grandma was convinced it was something to do with inhaling drugs.
The Pifco Facial Sauna. Burnt, bright-red faces galore. Our Grandma was convinced it was something to do with inhaling drugs.
Number 46
Crossfire
Great fun on Christmas morning. Agonising blisters on Boxing Day.
Crossfire
Great fun on Christmas morning. Agonising blisters on Boxing Day.
Numb 45
The frozen Jubbly.
The deadliest playground weapon of all time.
The frozen Jubbly.
The deadliest playground weapon of all time.
Number 44
MILKMAN DANGER! Ma's were always threatening to run off with the Milkman in the 70s. Then this one appeared and she did. Gold-top seduction.
MILKMAN DANGER! Ma's were always threatening to run off with the Milkman in the 70s. Then this one appeared and she did. Gold-top seduction.
Number 43
Quicksand.
Quicksand.
Number 42
Crispy Cod Fries.
Impossible to cook properly. Never had them without ice in the middle. Ended up part-Eskimo.
Crispy Cod Fries.
Impossible to cook properly. Never had them without ice in the middle. Ended up part-Eskimo.
Number 41
The dustbin.
House number badly painted on it. Emptied weekly from right outside our back door. Everything chucked in it: hot ashes, old car batteries, scrap metal, building rubble, asbestos etc. Cheerfully carried on the backs of whistling bin men.
The dustbin.
House number badly painted on it. Emptied weekly from right outside our back door. Everything chucked in it: hot ashes, old car batteries, scrap metal, building rubble, asbestos etc. Cheerfully carried on the backs of whistling bin men.
Number 40
Pop-Tarts
Defied the rules of physics. How could the humble toaster produce something so hot? Had the entire family talking in sign language for a week.
Pop-Tarts
Defied the rules of physics. How could the humble toaster produce something so hot? Had the entire family talking in sign language for a week.
Number 39
The catapult. A present from our Grandma. A birthday weapon. Class.
The catapult. A present from our Grandma. A birthday weapon. Class.
Number 38
Getting trapped in an abandoned fridge. Worse than quicksand.
Getting trapped in an abandoned fridge. Worse than quicksand.
Number 37
Brentford Nylons
The hyper-inflammable home.
Brentford Nylons
The hyper-inflammable home.
Number 36
Rabies
DON'T SMUGGLE DEATH!
Rabies
DON'T SMUGGLE DEATH!
Number 35
Twister
UNCLE REG HAS PULLED A BOLLOCK!
Twister
UNCLE REG HAS PULLED A BOLLOCK!
Number 34
Homebrew. The airing cupboard bomb. If the explosion didn't kill you, drinking it probably would
Homebrew. The airing cupboard bomb. If the explosion didn't kill you, drinking it probably would
Number 33
The corned beef tin.
Evil. Corned beef was rarely served without blood on it in the 70s.
The corned beef tin.
Evil. Corned beef was rarely served without blood on it in the 70s.
Number 32
The sunbed.
Sleeping on one of these when relatives stayed over and got your bed. Drifted off smelling the Ambre Solaire. Rudely awakened to find your cheek trapped in the springs.
The sunbed.
Sleeping on one of these when relatives stayed over and got your bed. Drifted off smelling the Ambre Solaire. Rudely awakened to find your cheek trapped in the springs.
Number 31
The cursed Crying Boy painting.
Caused your house to burn down. Only the frame remained.
The cursed Crying Boy painting.
Caused your house to burn down. Only the frame remained.
Number 30
Burnt toast
At best - would cause your hair to go curly (a threat, not an incentive). At worst - a mysterious, agonising slow death
Burnt toast
At best - would cause your hair to go curly (a threat, not an incentive). At worst - a mysterious, agonising slow death
Number 29
The Sauna Suit.
Boil in the bag.
The Sauna Suit.
Boil in the bag.
Number 28
The home built cart/bogey.
Brakes? Too complicated and wholly unnecessary. Sticking your foot in the spokes did the trick.
The home built cart/bogey.
Brakes? Too complicated and wholly unnecessary. Sticking your foot in the spokes did the trick.
Number 27
Hai Karate. 'Chaos ensues - The power cannot be tamed!'.
Scientifically proven to cause wildly attractive women to ravish half-wits.
Hai Karate. 'Chaos ensues - The power cannot be tamed!'.
Scientifically proven to cause wildly attractive women to ravish half-wits.
Number 26
Threads.
The ever present fear of nuclear annihilation
Threads.
The ever present fear of nuclear annihilation
Number 25
Sheep Racing.
Just us?
Sheep Racing.
Just us?
Number 24
Imaginative electrical work-arounds.
No plug? No problem....
Imaginative electrical work-arounds.
No plug? No problem....
Number 23
Green crisps.
A secret government plot to cull the working class.
Green crisps.
A secret government plot to cull the working class.
Number 22
The mousetrap.
Hearing one go off in the night. Or accidentally standing on one in the morning.
The mousetrap.
Hearing one go off in the night. Or accidentally standing on one in the morning.
Number 21
The Zed Bed
The mortal fear of getting trapped in one.
The Zed Bed
The mortal fear of getting trapped in one.
Number 20
The electric foot muff.
Staying at your Grans in the winter and bunny-hopping to the fridge in it.
The electric foot muff.
Staying at your Grans in the winter and bunny-hopping to the fridge in it.
Number 19
Pampas grass.
Planted in all innocence then getting bombarded with swingers.
Pampas grass.
Planted in all innocence then getting bombarded with swingers.
Number 18
The internal glass door.
Just begging for it.
The internal glass door.
Just begging for it.
Number 17
Heated Carmen rollers.
Or as we knew them, the hot rods of death.
Heated Carmen rollers.
Or as we knew them, the hot rods of death.
Number 16
Drying clothes in front of an open fire.
Drying clothes in front of an open fire.
Number 15
The Butlins photo viewer
Responsible for 99% of playground conjunctivitis.
The Butlins photo viewer
Responsible for 99% of playground conjunctivitis.
Number 14
The egg slicer.
Many a drunken tune played on those razor sharp strings.
The egg slicer.
Many a drunken tune played on those razor sharp strings.
Number 13
The meat tenderiser.
The undisputed KING of 70s kitchen utensil weaponry.
"SHE'S GOT THE TERRORIZER!!!"
The meat tenderiser.
The undisputed KING of 70s kitchen utensil weaponry.
"SHE'S GOT THE TERRORIZER!!!"
Number 12
Polystyrene ceiling tiles.
On a kitchen ceiling. Above the pressure cooker.
Pure Final Destination.
Polystyrene ceiling tiles.
On a kitchen ceiling. Above the pressure cooker.
Pure Final Destination.
Number 11
The asbestos ironing board
The asbestos ironing board
Number 10
TCP
Nobody was afraid of anything in the 70s.
Because we had TCP.
Smelled so bad, it had to be good.
TCP
Nobody was afraid of anything in the 70s.
Because we had TCP.
Smelled so bad, it had to be good.
Number 9
Doc Martens
Breaking a new pair in was absolute torture.
Doc Martens
Breaking a new pair in was absolute torture.
Number 8
Lead toy figures. Painted with lead paint
Lead toy figures. Painted with lead paint
Number 7
Door strips.
Near strangulation after a night on the lash.
On one occasion we got the fear so bad we slept in the shed.
Door strips.
Near strangulation after a night on the lash.
On one occasion we got the fear so bad we slept in the shed.
Number 6
Knitted wool trousers and matching wool top.
A full wool outfit.
Constantly chased by dogs. Including sheep dogs that tried to round you up.
Knitted wool trousers and matching wool top.
A full wool outfit.
Constantly chased by dogs. Including sheep dogs that tried to round you up.
Number 5
Segs/Blakey's on a polished floor.
Segs/Blakey's on a polished floor.
Number 4
Izal
A disaster of an invention. Essentially, wiping with tracing paper.
Izal
A disaster of an invention. Essentially, wiping with tracing paper.
Number 3
The Black and Decker Workmate.
Every saw mark, drill hole, paint splash, blow torch burn and blood stain represented a DIY disaster that resulted in a ruinously expensive emergency tradesman call out.
The Black and Decker Workmate.
Every saw mark, drill hole, paint splash, blow torch burn and blood stain represented a DIY disaster that resulted in a ruinously expensive emergency tradesman call out.
Number 2
Evo Stik
Evo Stik
****Number 1****
Ornamental swords.
That’s REAL SWORDS....as ornaments.
Ornamental swords.
That’s REAL SWORDS....as ornaments.
• • •
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