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Jessica Ellis Profile picture
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14 Nov, 4 tweets, 1 min read
Not to be this person but when they did release the Kraken it got killed immediately by Perseus
In the historical documentary, Clash Of The Titans, it literally barges out of the water, goes RARRRRARRRARRAAA, and can’t even manage to eat one (1) manacled virgin before a pretty boy with a flying horsie kills it dead
It dies from seeing a woman’s dead face, that the pretty boy has in his purse, y’all. The Kraken is all fin, no sea cow.
Thank you for coming to my Greek history lesson of facts.

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More from @baddestmamajama

Jessica Ellis Profile picture
13 Nov
FANTASTIC EXAMPLE TO SET. SO GREAT. WHAT LEADERSHIP. 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬
This is wildly irresponsible as we’re telling people to cancel holiday dinners and prepare for lockdowns because of the surge in cases. Gross, greedy, and will kill people.
I feel Nicolas Cage level fury right now.
Read 5 tweets
Jessica Ellis Profile picture
12 Nov
This month, a senate seat was lost because the male nominee sent stupid texts to his mistress and a prominent male writer lost his job for taking out his dick in a meeting but the important thing to remember is that you can’t trust women because they get periods sometimes.
Which reminds me is there any other time a person is bleeding profusely where it’s considered embarrassing and shameful and not, you know, bleeding?
*walks up to car crash victim*
My GOD, cover UP a little
Read 6 tweets
Jessica Ellis Profile picture
12 Nov
I *am* planning on making a pie crust tutorial this month, but let this tweet also serve as an ongoing pie and pie crust AMA from someone making 20 of them this month. Reply with #pieAMA and I’ll see it.
All butter always. I know shortening people love the flake but too often you get left with a greasy feeling in your mouth that is not excellent.
Sharp cheddar tucked under the crust of apple pie is the greatest breakfast known to humanity. The fat and zip of the cheese against those tart apples and flakey crust is downright sexual.
Read 14 tweets
Jessica Ellis Profile picture
4 Nov
Pick a 2022 senate race right now. Clear out the guest room for it. Buy it a nice leash and chew toys. Make a commitment, right now, to find it a loving democratic home.
Unless we magically wrangle a tie, which doesn’t look likely, we are not going to be able to reverse the executive power binge because an R senate, I guarantee you, will not appoint a single dem nominee. To any position. So Biden will have to do the same shit trump has.
Yes, the people he makes “acting” Secretary of whatever will actually be qualified experts, but they still will not be legitimized by the senate because the GOP senate will continue to refuse to behave like actual senators. We needed to be able to reinstate congressional norms.
Read 5 tweets
Jessica Ellis Profile picture
13 Oct
It’s weird I also don’t need notes when I plan to refuse to answer any questions.
I don’t even need to write “JESSICA, REMEMBER DONALD TOLD YOU NOT TO ANSWER ANYTHING BECAUSE IT LITERALLY DOESNT MATTER, WE WILL SHOVE YOU INTO THAT SEAT EVEN IF YOU CLAIM YOU NEED TO ‘LOOK INTO’ WHAT YOUR OWN MIDDLE NAME IS”
I am a genius.
Read 4 tweets
Jessica Ellis Profile picture
13 Oct
On the one hand thank god. On the other, sure is depressing to look at the blatant misogyny that put trump here to begin with, and how easily that’s overcome by a white man.
Hillary and Biden’s positions aren’t wildly different. Their backgrounds as politicians aren’t wildly different. Do you gotta ask: what is different enough to cause an 11 point turnaround?
And I’m preaching to the choir, but when I say misogyny I don’t mean incels who openly hate women. I mean all the little stereotypes toward femaleness that’s chip away. Shrillness. Perceived aggression. Perceived ambitiousness. General mistrust. General undervaluing.
Read 5 tweets

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