Thread by @mowgzilla1

OK bitches, strap yourselves in, as this is going to be a bumpy ride.

A few days ago, the blue-sky thinking @Bigshirtlesscol had an epiphany.

https://twitter.com/Bigshirtlesscol/status/1328012498730147841?s=19

Here is the tweet in question.

And it got me thinking...
Why shouldn't I do this?
What is stopping me?
I'm an adult.
I have access to a hob and chocolates.
I'm vaguely handsome in a certain light.

All these factors just steeled my resolve.
Not only *could* i do this, I *needed* to do this.

But I am a barely-functioning idiot. I needed help.
Luckily, the love of my life @SykesCait is handy in the kitchen.
Knows her way around a cake mixture.
Has her own mixing bowls.
Knows what all of the words mean that they talk about on #GBBO

I brought her in as a consultant.
And to make it.
Because, as previously mentioned, I am an idiot.

The Big Shirtless Col had touted Celebrations as his medium of choice, but after a quick chat with my consultant, we decided to opt for Cadbury's Heroes

For a few reasons, but mostly because the chocolate is a better quality, it melts smoother and Heroes are all chocolate-based, meaning a better, more even melt across the board

See?
She is worth every penny.

So, on Sunday morning, I went to the shops and brought home this

Last night, after a few beers, we decided to take the plunge and make Col's dream come true.

We (Caitlin) lined a baking tray with greaseproof paper.
Look at that quality folding.
A master at work

I drank this.
It tastsd of limey lager.
Lovely stuff

We got all the sweeties out of the packets and put them in a big pile so I could take a photo of them for twitter

I then drank this.
It was hoppy and fruity, like a kangaroo covered in citrus fruits

We then quickly sorted the sweeties into brand order.
As although I am a chaotic being, deep down in my heart, I crave order

Here are all the wrappers.

As a treat for being such a good boy and tidying up on only the 3rd time of asking, I drank this. It may have been nice.
I am slightly unsure at this point.

To aid the melting of this diabolical scheme, we (Caitlin) cut up the chocolates. This is just basic science. Try to keep up

Here is Caitlin cutting up the chocolates. Look at that quality blade work.
Like Begbie

And so the melting begins.
In there are the standard chocolate Dairy Milk blocks, the Whole Nut ones, the Whispas and the Twirls.

Again, this is basic science. All of these sweets are mostly chocolate, with the exception of the Whole Nut. So all of these, in theory, will melt at the same temperature, giving a smooth consistency

With all this hard sciencing being thirsty work, I drank this.
No idea what it tastes like. Probably quite nice.

At this point, we hit a snag.
Did you know that Twirls melt at a completely different temperature as all other Cadbury's chocolate?

Their addition nearly ruined this entire experiment. But Caitlin, being Caitlin did something and fixed it. I don't know what

We then melted more chocolate. This time, just the full bars of Dairy Milk, as some sort of bonding agent, to cover the top of it and keep it together.

Alongside the caramel ones too.

I forgot to mention about the Twirls.
Apparently, Twirls are made from dehydrated milk chocolate, which is why they don't melt the same
So there you go

Anyway. So we (Caitlin) started to bring it all together now.
The tension was palpable

With much finesse and skill, Caitlik built the layers of joy into the baking tin.
I got to lick the spoon.
The chocolate was still very hot.
I burnt my tongue.

As decoration, we sprinkled the remaining bits of fudge/creme egg ones over the top to add a bit of class to the proceedings.

I wasn't allowed to add actual sprinkles onto it.
But that is fine.
I got over it

I got over it by drinking this.
I was now pished

Here it is, in all its unset glory.
Like a giant pie of diabetes

As you can hear, I am drunk and have a very girly laugh.
I am a *catch*

Here is Caitin celebrating with a cider as the monster chocolate monstrosity cools in the fridge.
She is a good girl

We went to watch some Taskmaster as it set and sitting about watching the telly is surprisingly dehydrating. A beer helps.
I think by this point I have been to the toilet 4 times

And here it is, in all its glory

Look at it.
Just LOOK at it

Now I need to go find a dentist, as I can feel my teeth melting.

Follow your dreams, kids.
Nothing is stopping you from convincing your partner to make you a giant pie of over expensive chocolates on a whim for likes on twitter.

I just hope I (Caitlin) did @Bigshirtlesscol proud

Slowly getting through it