Thread by @Hauwa_L

Introduction.

Kabiru: Big Daddy, this is the girl I want to marry

Big Daddy: EHN?! TALK LOUD!

Kabiru: (Moves closer) I SAY THIS IS OUR WIFE!

Big Daddy: Oh! Okay Okay. Welcome mai dia.

Me: (Kneels) Good Afternoon Big Daddy!

Big Daddy: Make tea for yourself and feel at home.

Me: (Smiles shyly) *Hums and shovels milo into my cup* *Packs milk inside* *Sings Davido and cuts bread* *Tastes the tea and nods*

Big Daddy:

Big Daddy: Are you doing nursing mother? Why are you packing milk like that?

Me: Hehehe Ah! Big Daddy! No o but they just discharge me from the hospital.

Big Daddy: For what?

Me: (tears bread with my teeth) Kpan fell on my head at the bakery.

Big Daddy: Ehn?

Me: *Swallows bread* I SAY KPAN FELL ON...

Kabiru: *Sighs* Hauwa, he heard that one.

Kabiru: So Big Daddy, how is the hunting going?

Me: *Using style to shift the Ovaltine*

Big Daddy: We thank God. I will go again this night. You should go inside and rest.

Me: Hehehe. No o. Me, I will still make another tea first

Big Daddy: Is like you're mad.

Me:

Kabiru: Hauwa, wake up!

Goat: Meehhhh

Me: Why are you standing there with a goat?

Goat: Meehhhhh

Kabiru: Look, If Big Daddy should kill this goat while hunting, he will be happy and dash us money when we are going home tomorrow.
So, we need to drop it inside the bush for him.

IN THE BUSH
Kabiru: Hauwa, hold this goat.

*Goat runs away*

Kabiru: Run after it now! It must not escape o!

Me: I should be chasing goat at 2AM

Big Daddy: WHO IS THERE? Talo wa nibe? *cocks gun*

Me:

Big Daddy: (shoots) KPOW

Me: IS ME O BIG DADDY! DON'T SHOOT AGAIN!

Big Daddy: AGUNTAN!

Me: Aguntan bawo?

Big Daddy: KPOW KPOW

Me: BIG DADDY! I SAY IS YOUR INLAW THAT IS HERE!

Kabiru: He cannot hear you. Ear is paining him.

Me: IF EAR IS PAINING HIM WHY IS HE A HUNTER!

Kabiru: Weave the gun! Weave it!

Big Daddy: Rakunmi! *KPOW KPOW KPOW*

Me: *Dodging bullet* IS IT BECAUSE I PACK YOUR MILK?

Big Daddy: KPOW KPOW

Me: BIG DADDY! IS HAUWA! KABIRU'S WIFE!

Big Daddy: Ewure! *KPOW KPOW KPOW*

Me: Laaaa kuli jaleti. Mo daran.

Kabiru: Hauwa put leaf on your head so he will know you're the one

Me:

*Silence*

Me: Thank God o!

Big Daddy: OKETE! KPOW KPOW

Me: Big Daddy ti ya werey.

Big Daddy: Hope you people slept well?

Me: *Angrily opens Dano milk to make my morning tea*

Big Daddy: I will still go and shoot another goat tomorrow

Me: *Gently returns the Dano* *Opens Gmail*

Dear Joro,
Is it bad to drink milk in your in-laws' place...