Thread by @just1doctorwala

I don't know who this person is.
But I've noticed her really problematic "hot takes" popping up on my timeline last few weeks thanks to some lovely mutuals

This seems to be her latest one. 🤦🏽‍♂️

A thread

First thing that popped in my head was this was exactly the though I had in my head back when I was much younger and single and more importantly ABSOLUTELY IGNORANT about this issue.

Was only after I had spoken to some survivors/victims of partner abuse I realized the truth

The truth is it is never so black and white. Psychologists can give you so many fancy sounding words like "Stockholm syndrome" or "battered spouse syndrome" etc to explain it.

But just a quick google search of "why do victims stay with their abuser?" Will yield 100s of results

I went through a few a them and collated a few reasons of "why"

It is by no means conclusive nor exhaustive

But it is something to help you think about it

And I hope this could help someone out there who needs this

Abusive relationships are extremely complex situations and it takes a lot of courage to leave. Abuse is about power and control.

When a survivor leaves their abusive relationship, they threaten the power and control their partner has established over the survivor’s agency, which may cause the partner to retaliate in harmful ways.

As a result, leaving is often the most dangerous period of time for survivors of abuse.

Beyond the physical risks of leaving an abusive situation, there are countless other reasons why people stay in their relationships.

No matter the circumstances, survivors deserve to be supported in their decision-making and empowered to reclaim control over their own lives. Common reasons why people stay in abusive relationships include:

1. Fear
A person will likely be afraid of the consequences if they decide to leave their relationship, either out of fear of their partner’s actions or concern over their own ability to be independent

2. Normalized abuse
If someone grew up in an environment where abuse was common, they may not know what healthy relationships look like. As a result, they may not recognize that their partner’s behaviors are unhealthy or abusive.

3.Shame
It can be difficult for someone to admit that they’ve been or are being abused. They may feel that they’ve done something wrong, that they deserve the abuse, or that experiencing abuse is a sign of weakness.

Remember that blame-shifting is a common tactic that their partner may use and can reinforce a sense of responsibility for their partner’s abusive behaviors.

4. Intimidation
A survivor may be intimidated into staying in a relationship by verbal or physical threats, or threats to spread information, including secrets or confidential details (i.e. revenge porn etc).

For LGBTQ+ people who haven’t come out yet, threats to out someone may be an opportunity for abusive partners to exert control.

5. Low self-esteem
After experiencing verbal abuse or blame for physical abuse, it can be easy for survivors to believe those sentiments and believe that they’re at fault for their partner’s abusive behaviors

6. Lack of resources
Survivors may be financially dependent on their abusive partner or have previously been denied opportunities to work, a place to sleep on their own, language assistance, or a network to turn to during moments of crisis. Making it impossible to leave.

7. Disability
If someone depends on others for physical support they may feel that their wellbeing is directly tied to their relationship; lack of visible alternatives for support can heavily influence someone’s decision to stay in an abusive relationship if they have disability

8. Immigration status
People who are undocumented fear that reporting abuse will affect their immigration status. If they have limited English proficiency the concerns can be amplified by a confusing convoluted legal system & an inability to express their circumstances to others

9. Cultural context
Traditional customs or beliefs may influence someone’s decision to stay in an abusive situation, whether held by the survivor or by their family and community.

10. Children
Many survivors may feel guilty or responsible for disrupting their familial unit. Keeping the family together may not only be something that a survivor may value, but may also be used as a tactic by their partner used to guilt a survivor into staying.

11. Love
Experiencing abuse and feeling genuine care for a partner who is causing harm are not mutually exclusive. Survivors often still have strong, intimate feelings for their abusive partner.

They may have children together, want to maintain their family, or the person abusing them may simply be charming (especially at the beginning of a relationship) and the survivor may hope that their partner will return to being that person.

These are just a few of the many reasons

Credits to the National Domestic Violence Hotline website USA

thehotline.org/support-others…

And there are many more resources like this out there

With so much information readily available at our finger tips I think it is our absolute our responsibility to do a little bit of online reading before we make such unnecessary comments online. 🙏