Twas the night after lockdown, when all through the land
Not a person was stirring, except for a Spad;
The eye tests were hung by the Castle with care
In hopes that St. Dominic soon would be there;
The patients were intubated in their beds,
While hydroxychloroquine danced in their heads;

When out in the car park arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the ward to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
The moon on the breast of the new lorry park
Gave the lustre of noon when it should have been dark,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a scruffy posh blonde with an arrogant leer,
He swung from a zipwire, the dozy fat twit,
I knew in an instant it must be that shit.
As fast as his falsehoods his u-turns they came,
And he spluttered, and waffled, and sought whom to blame:
“Now, Starmer! now, Hancock! now, Merkel and Fauci!
On, Brussels! on, Wuhan! on, Vallance and Whitty!
Empty the pubs so the R-rate will fall!
Now mask up! Now distance! Now sanitise all!”
He sprang to his limo, to his mates gave a wink,
And handed them contracts with barely a blink.
But I heard him exclaim, through his bent PPE,
"Covid Christmas to all, and you’re all in Tier 3."

• • •

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More from @ottocrat

29 Oct
Short thread on @IanDunt’s interesting (and very good) line of argument on @OhGodWhatNowPod talking about the incremental approach to #RejoinEU: 1/
I have been a vocal and passionate opponent of a soft Brexit, BRINO, Norway, EEA/EFTA solution as I see it as unsustainable, democratically outrageous, rule-taker not rule-maker, worst of all worlds. It is all those things, but 2/
that works in both directions. If we go from full EU membership to BRINO then that’s highly unsatisfactory and unsustainable and will only lead to pressure to pull away further. But if we go there from a skinny deal/no deal Jacobin hard Brexit, the momentum is reversed. 3/
Read 8 tweets
28 Oct
I went for a test this morning. It was a shambles, hardly inspiring confidence. The kids in fluorescent Serco vests wearing ill-fitting masks meant well, were trying their best, but it all felt distinctly amateurish.
I was surprised by the lack of PPE worn by Serco staff. So in mitigation the rule was to keep car windows closed at all times. Meaning we couldn’t communicate! Shouting through windows or calling their mobiles. Meanwhile we’re all steaming up as we sneeze & cough. 😳
Tests are self-administered, ok, we can do that. But how to match the test to the person? QI codes only given via email, not text, so no codes for my kids. Had to complete in pen - but we had no pens, & they couldn’t give us any. Staff seemed clueless.
Read 5 tweets
10 Sep
Think for a second. Imagine you’re the EU’s leadership. If one partner gets away with unilaterally rewriting a treaty, all the EU’s treaties are rendered worthless. The EU *has* to take a stand.
The scorn and bad faith shown by Johnson over years, decades, earn him zero right to goodwill or favours from Brussels. But even if the EU wanted to help him out, it couldn’t afford to. The price would be far too high. ‘Pacta sunt servanda’ is all that makes the EU work.
Fortunately, the EU is an economic superpower (which it is because of the international rule of law). That means it has teeth. It will use them if it has to, in defence of its most precious, most essential ideal: pacta sunt servanda.
Read 7 tweets
7 Jun
OK I've got room in me for one more thread tonight before I sit down with a glass of wine and my crochet. A few months ago I posted this thread where I described the steps taken for the EU to conclude agreements with non-EU countries. 1/
I'd like to expand a bit on the 'mandate' part of the process. This is where the Member States give their instructions to the Commission to negotiate an agreement on their behalf. It has the force of law - they adopt 'negotiating directives'. 2/
Whenever I go into a negotiating session, the one thing I always make sure I have with me is the mandate. It tells me what I must include, and tells me how much wiggle room I have. It's the blueprint for any agreement. 3/
Read 20 tweets
7 Jun
From Andrew Rawnsley’s Observer column. Look: everyone in the UK seems to think we are still in Brexit crisis mode, where the European Council would regularly step in to unblock things. We are not. Brexit has happened. This is now a trade negotiation with a non-EU country. >
> As such it has a completely different dynamic, one very familiar to the EU, we do this all the time. The UK has not remotely begun to digest the facts of life in this new reality. Whining about “sovereign equals” cuts no ice in the EU & sounds needy & desperate back home. >
> An EU-UK agreement is a big enough deal for it to reach member states’ leaders desks, for sure - but it is still an EU deal with a non-EU country. If you want to understand the politics of that, look at what happened with TTIP. >
Read 6 tweets

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