Thread by @sometimesalight

Wow, great piece from @gracyolmstead.

"We already lived in a rigged system—but it’s rigged in an anti- rather than a pro-family fashion."

https://twitter.com/mereorthodoxy/status/1331267469592281088

A few practical observations from lived experience & prompted by this piece:

1) If you feel like family life & work life are squeezing you in impossible ways, you're not crazy or weak or lazy. In our society, they generally are.

2) B/c of this, the answers to your present stress isn't to simply work harder or hustle more. The game is rigged in a 100 different ways.

3) Systemic forces are real & they affect your ability to flourish as a family. The sooner you realize & accept this, the sooner you can deal w/ practicalities of your life.

4) Still, there is hope. Systemic forces explain your reality but they don't have to determine it. You still have agency, creativity, & options.

5) But you'll have to be willing to rethink everything. You'll have to Q the status quo & accepted definitions of success. You'll have to take stock of resources you have & don't have. You'll have to remember that consumption =/= flourishing.

6) For our family, the realities of marketplace & shape of western society have meant several things over the years:

>getting help from social safety
>fewer children than we might have had
>delayed property ownership
>both parents working once kids were past toddler years

7) But we've also tried really hard to push back against the system in the ways available to us to make sure our family has ability to pursue our values

8) A few things that make sense for us (your circumstances will be different):

>I have great deal of control over my work & work from home
>We've learned to accept help, not as charity, but investment in family's future
>We're constantly clarifying our values & ultimate goals

9) But the biggest thing is that we know our family life will not look like most people's. Our values will lead us to different decisions a put work, rest, money, & time use. Our kids will grow up at odds w/ culture that would groom them as workers for the marketplace.

10) But then our goal is not a middle-class family. Our goal is to cultivate a home where members can flourish as image bearers they were created to be.

11) This will include good work & providing for needs. It will include partnership w/ larger community. But at the end of the day, our family does not exist to serve the marketplace.

12) All that to say, if you're struggling as a family, there's a reason for it & it likely has nothing to do w/ your hard work or competency. Feel free to Q & push back & demand more. Reevaluate your goals & seek healthy partnership that are mutually beneficial.

13) Don't be afraid of the social support network. Don't be ashamed to ask for what you need. Your family is worth the investment.

14) And be encouraged that the work of family is worth every sacrifice you make.