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kilgore trout, tiny desk carpenter Profile picture
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8 Dec, 5 tweets, 1 min read
can somebody check how much popcorn we have stockpiled
WE BOTH WANT TO BE SUCCESSFUL FASCISTS BUT IT ISN’T WORKING WHAT THE FUCK STEPHEN
“why won’t you let ted cruz help” is the funniest goddamn final hill to die on anyone could imagine
HIRE THE GUY WHO IS SLAUGHTERING YOU IN COURT FOR A HALF BILLION DOLLARS IT IS SO EASY STEPHEN
will anyone ever believe me that this crack up is going to be an absolutely hilarious dying neutron star of people who thought they were all on the same team just eating each other’s faces with chainsaw teeth

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More from @KT_So_It_Goes

kilgore trout, tiny desk carpenter Profile picture
10 Dec
doing the explain-whats-happening thing while watching home alone 2 with a 5 year old is an absolutely wild generational reality check
that’s an airport, they’re trying to get on the plane, you uh, you can’t do that anymore
that’s new york, yes exactly right that’s the statue of liberty. why? um well about a hundred years ago or a little more people used to come here on boats and they’d see that statue and know they were in a better country. that’s how we got here. now? uh well.
Read 9 tweets
kilgore trout, tiny desk carpenter Profile picture
9 Dec
*five minutes later* that case was pure shit boys, texas is where it’s at, biden is finished
red state has crack legal analyst “shipwreckedcrew” on the scotus beat, look out everyone
I read the whole article because I have a sickness and can’t get enough of dumpster diving for treasure into sad loser land and welp I can tell you it is an article
Read 5 tweets
kilgore trout, tiny desk carpenter Profile picture
8 Dec
I dunno maybe don’t use your kid as a prop to make his santa experience a centerpiece in your internet culture war would be my takeaway, tell him no big deal that wasn’t the real santa and put on an avengers movie and buy him a fuckin nerf gun like a well adjusted human
I AM SO TRIGGERED BY A DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE AND CONCERNED FOR THE FUTURE OF MY CHILD I WILL POST HIM ONLINE FOR OUTRAGE CLICKS, THAT WILL BE GOOD FOR HIM
these people are like the amish in that they’ve decided that nothing about society is allowed to be different than the experience they had and every new packet of info is an existential threat to their way of life, except militantly online
Read 5 tweets
kilgore trout, tiny desk carpenter Profile picture
7 Dec
THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT WE WANTED TRUMP WINS BY LOSING DON’T YOU SEE CHECKMATE
it is a mystery why any lawyer would try to win a case since apparently the secret to success in the legal system is losing as many times as possible in the most embarrassing fashions Image
trump has crossed the threshold of losing so much that there’s now a fully stocked pantry of case law from his prior losses for judges to throw at him in supporting their rulings, which happened twice today
Read 5 tweets
kilgore trout, tiny desk carpenter Profile picture
29 Nov
my lord look at this grift. I mean just ... LOOK at it. it’s magnificent. they’re not even american ImageImageImage
cool blue check letting consumers know this scam is verified by twitter, you should pull up that thief’s account and smash the report button
welcome to england where you can’t toss a rock without hitting an unloved $60K computer Image
Read 6 tweets
kilgore trout, tiny desk carpenter Profile picture
28 Nov
if you aren’t a total sicko like me and haven’t been septic tank diving in alt-realitist twitter you’ll be surprised to learn they wrote about a bazillion all caps HUGE tweets over this & were entirely convinced this was the big one
this suit was the equivalent of voting yes on an HOA bylaw to allow neon colored mailboxes and waiting a year for your neighbor to paint their mailbox hot pink and filing a grievance a month after they painted it
wompety womp
Read 15 tweets

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