Thread by @notanautismmom

This is a thread about being an #AutismMom. It's off the cuff, in no particular order, and not meant to be judgmental. I am in no way perfect and don't pretend to be... (1)

As parents, we advocate for our children no matter what... autistic or not. That's our job and we'd have it no other way. (2)

20 years ago it was the year 2000. The internet was relatively new and social media was nonexistent. Sure there were chatrooms and message boards... But most people were still getting information slowly through conferences and periodicals. (3)

It's 2020 and the world is at our fingertips. Unfortunately capitalism is the driving force. (4)

As soon as I Googled the word #autism after my child's diagnosis, I was bombarded with advertisements for "Autism Mom" t-shirts and puzzle-piece bracelets. I had been automatically indoctrinated into a new club. (5)

I was looking for information (because the doctors offered none) and I was directed by the powers-that-be to "suggested groups" and "pages you might like." All of those suggestions were other parents and I that made sense to me at the time. (6)

I mean who better than other parents to guide me as I navigated these uncharted waters? I even started a blog to help other parents with what I learned. I mean we're all in this together, right? (7)

Wrong.

(8/)

It's 2020 and social media has given autistic adults a platform... no applications, resumés, or permission needed. They aren't confined to those five annual autism conferences anymore. They're in-our-face and ready to guide us. (9/)

But what about the autism moms? We've been fighting for decades for our kids! IDEA... FAPE... Waivers... We're our children's best advocates! Where does that leave us? (10/)

It leaves us in the passenger seat instead of the driver's. It leaves us in the student's chair instead of the teacher's. It's a HUGE adjustment, but chill and let me explain. (11)

Those children from twenty (or more) years ago have grown up. 💯 They finally have a platform of their own and they're bad-ass!!! They're talking and typing about what matters to THEM. Isn't that what we ultimately want of our own children? (12)

Sometimes what they tell us is a hard pill to swallow... because the things we fought so hard for were actually harming them.

That may cause us to initially dismiss them because we know we'd NEVER want do that. (13)

We say that these autistic adults aren't like OUR children. They never had OUR children's struggles. But I assure you this is not the case. OUR children will grow up as well and they'll be nothing like they are now. (14)

I had the same initial reaction in the beginning. But I was just curious enough to dig a little deeper. I joined a few autistic-led groups. I asked questions. I got my ass handed to me on more than a few occasions. 💯 (15)

But instead of taking their criticism personally, I dug even deeper. I learned about #Ableism and realized the things I said about my own children WERE in fact ableist. So I learned MORE about ableism. (16)

Nothing I learned was easy at first. I had to swallow my pride and humble myself. But the more I learned and unlearned, the easier it became... And the path to supporting my kids became smoother. That type of learning doesn't happen in #AutismMom groups. (17)

Autism mom groups are created by parents to support each other, not to challenge each other. In fact challenging comments are considered "mom shaming."

I could say I sat my child on the potty for two hours and he pee'd... And I'd have a smorgasbord of congratulations. (18)

I don't know about you, but I don't need validation for shit I'm doing that could possibly harm my child. I need guidance from someone who's been in my child's shoes before. And luckily it's 2020! (I never thought I'd write those words.) (19)

Autistic adults are handing out guidance on every social media platform. They're holding trainings you can sign up for anytime. They're here for OUR kids because OUR kids are a part of THEIR community. (20)

So the next time autistic adults tell you something that's hard to hear, something that goes against what you've been saying, something that challenges the work you've been doing, Remember this... (21)

Autistic adults aren't working to protect our feelings. Hell they're not even working to help themselves. They're working for OUR kids. They're working to protect our children from the trauma, neglect, and abuse they've already faced. (22)

Our children are a member of the autistic community, a community who has been killed, institutionalized, and abused for decades. Autistic adults are here to make a systemic shift and we as parents should stop fighting them every time our feelings get hurt. (23)

It is our job as parents to advocate for our children. We'd have it no other way. But that doesn't mean we have to be in the driver's seat. Let our autistic advocates take the lead. Boost their voices and get behind their movement.

Thank you for coming to my @TEDTalks.

~Meghan

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