Thread by @JasonKDiary

Dear Diary,
I had the WORST NIGHT! It might take a couple pages to explain it....

Twas some nights before Christmas, and all through the province
Abandoned wells sat untouched. (O&G cleaning their own mess is nonsense!)

#JasonKenneysDiary #ableg #KenneysChristmas

The coal leases were sold for pennies per hectare,

In hopes that the Aussies soon would mine there;

Shandro was looking for doctor's driveways to yell at;

While visions of wexit excited dumbass Barnes down in #MedHat;

And mamma on the main floor, and I in the basement,

With Matt and Brock, talking about that $1.6 billion dollar 'misplacement'.

When out on the lawn, it sounded like Rosin was crying,

Something about 'THE FEDS ARE COMING FOR YOUR CHILDREN'', she was implying,

Away to the window I flew like a flash,

Yelling 'SHUT UP, we don't need more media backlash!'

When what to my uncaring eyes did appear,

But a miniature sleigh and eight tiny rein-deer,

With a socialist pig driver so caring and quick,

Why do people love him, but they call me a dick?!

'Hey Kenney, I came early cause you and your MLA's are so lame'

And he whistled, shouted, and insulted them by name:

"Now, Legarbage! now, Pitt-stain and kaycee the liar!

Oh, single-use Savage,Gutless getson... The whole UCP is a dumpster fire!'

'Your leader is a fraud, and you trashed the living wall'

'The UCP have done nothing for Albertans, nothing at all'

So up to the housetop the coursers they flew,
I called Nixon to shoot at them, but apparently only horses will do

And then, in a twinkling, I heard them on the roof

And i sat there praying he didnt have any election fraud proof!

Matt was in the corner, soiled, trying not to be found

When down the chimney Saint Nicholas came with a bound.

He came in yelling, 'you bastards cut AISH and PUF',

And said something about 'that MLA Sawhney, she's just not up to snuff'

'And you cry about equalization fairness, yet you calculated them yourself!'

And then he wound up and bitch-slapped me, straight across the mouth!

'And you removed the cap so insurance can gouge for profit'

He was screaming so loud, mom yelled downstairs 'JASON QUIET! STOP IT!

'Took away PTSD for workers, and you are selling the parks'

I retorted, 'delisting them actually, and THEN selling to corporate oligarchs'

He gave a hard stare, sent shivers down my spine,

And he said, 'this province is not doing so fine'

'You swore to protect and represent ALL Albertans',
'Instead you're handing everyone many more burdens'

'You gave Corps over $4 billion and created not a job'

I winced when he said 'the world thinks you're an absolute knob'

'Your only legacy will be how you handled the pandemic

Spoiler alert: it was terrible, shitty, and rather pathetic,

'You bumbled it, as usual, and many good people died,

See how destructive you are because you lied and lied?'

'Your days as premier are numbered' he said, as I clenched my bruising jaw

'Oh, and there's no chance in HELL you're ever getting back to Ottawa'

He turned to sneer at Brock and said 'if you had ANY soul,

You'd turn on this chump, this grinch, this complete and utter as*hole'

'Instead you, and the matts, are complicit as f*ck,

Especially Brian...he's about as smart as a hockey puck'

And raising his middle finger right in front of my nose,

While mouthing 'F*ck you Kenney', up the chimney he rose;

He sprang to his sleigh, looked at me and gave some hollers,

'Karma will get you for NOT caring about people over dollars!'

And I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight—

'Albertans: the UCP MUST GO! STAND UP AND JOIN THE FIGHT!'

WTF, right..!? Sigh. Radical Socialist bastard.
J

#JasonKenneysDiary #ableg #Canada #MerryChristmas
#KenneysChristmas