Thread by @QuinnyPig

It feels like it might be Thread of Uncomfortable @awscloud Truths time again.

Now that #reInvent has subsided, you get to choose between CDK, sam-cli, Serverless framework, Proton, Service Catalog, Service Catalog App Registry, and SAR.

Making that decision is way more entertaining than doing your job.

Now that AWS has begun naming services after things shouted on the factory floor (Lookout for Metrics/Equipment/Vision), next year we can expect "Who the Hell Parked in my Spot," a container pre-empting service.

Conway's Law states that you ship your culture. AWS apparently has a strong culture of being bad at naming things and agreeing with anything you propose to them.

"You can be right, or you can be happy." AWS proves not only that you can also be "neither," but also billed for it.

At 184 kbps per person for a meeting of ten people, the 25 minutes at the start of an Amazon Chime meeting wastes roughly half a gig of bandwidth as the participants all read the six pager to themselves.

Past a certain point, the cheapest way to get data out of S3 is to sue @awscloud for something and demand they produce that data as part of the discovery process.

"You'll like an AWS thing if you just dig into it a bit more." Sometimes this is vehemently true, other times it's the AWS Partner Network.

I'm working on a job posting. Is "fighting with the @awscloud console" considered front-end or back-end?

Some poor schmoo in FP&A is spending the holiday break calculating whether deploying the full suite of AWS security services will cost them more or less than a data breach.

Speaking of security, I'm seeing CloudTrail latency drop. It now reports suspicious API calls faster than the NYT front page does, but it's still got a ways to go before it catches up with Techmeme.

Some poor schmuck is going to get blown out of consideration for a job because the hiring manager is going to think "AWS DevOps Guru" is an overblown self-assessment.

In practice, overblown self-assessments take the form "Former Googler."

Tech is littered with failed attempts to simply the AWS console: Rightscale, Enstratius, AWS Amplify.

Now that third party offerings show up in the AWS console, there's a scramble to lock down the "plausibly a terrible AWS service name" to drive adoption.

There are over a dozen AWS services you could choose to legitimately pass a message from one environment to another.

Three dozen if you misuse the crap out of them.

Nobody in your company knows what the hell Systems Manager is because it doesn't show up on your bill.

Saying "I have massively screwed up. I apologize, and will do much better next time" is a laudable thing.

AWS pronounces this "v2."

If your solution to a business problem is "blockchain" then you're doing the engineering equivalent of winning arguments in your head while taking a shower.

If you think *I* treat @awscloud services with derision and disdain, check out how other AWS services treat CodeCommit in the console compared to GitHub.

The hardest part of AWS certification exams is deciding whether to answer according to the documentation or reality.

Someday I expect to run AWS Marketing. You'll know I'm close when CloudFormation starts supporting XML.

The most diligent engineers will lose focus and turn their attention to something else after seven days.

We know this because if it were any fewer that's how long stopped RDS instances would wait before starting up again instead.

The fact that @ajassy hasn't had me killed by now tells me that I dramatically misunderstand the cost of either a hockey team or a competent assassin, but I don't know which.

Shattering the $3.8 trillion worldwide IT market would require either cataclysmic societal shifts or teaching @gartner_inc analysts to code.

Somewhere an enterprise IT vendor just fainted.

Fargate tops out at 4vCPUs, Lambda tops out at 6 vCPUs, and CodeBuild containers top out at 72 vCPUs.

CodeBuild remains the best "run this container on a schedule" service that AWS offers for the fourth straight year.

#reinvent (Seattle) is a building named after a conference named after an email subject line named after an ideal and it's still streets ahead of a processor named AWS Trainium.

On an all-upfront 3 year savings plan, every dollar of commitment you make costs $26,280.

So now you have a new hilarious API call to trick people into making.

Regarding the previous tweet: the console caps out at letting you commit to $1K at a time (or $26.2 million), but it's unclear whether that's a service limit or a console limit.

Please report back.

A good cloud rule of thumb is that you should cycle out your EC2 instances as least as frequently as @awscloud cycles out your account manager.

Your @awscloud account manager cycles due to one of three reasons:

* They suck and got fired
* They rock and got promoted to a bigger account
* You are That Customer

What you think your @awscloud TAM does:

* Code fixes manually into services
* Override other departments
* Dictate roadmap items across the company

What they actually do:
* Coordinate between many different groups
* Avoid calling you an asshole to your face

It may be trashy when you pit vendors against one another to bid for your business, but it's hilarious when you do it to competing @awscloud service teams.

"I could use DynamoDB, but DocumentDB is also compelling and has the same acronym..."

The launch of DuckTools.com is going well. We're toying with launching "DuckTools ML" down the road. It's exactly the same thing only it costs 200 times more.

Take a hard look at your data science division before scoffing that "you wouldn't fall for that."