Thread by @GuardianofJupi1

The rest of the conference passed like a restless haze for Wei Wuxian. He had spent more time looking at Jiang Cheng than listening to the agendas of the conference. Lan Zhan hadn't understood him because it didn't change anything.

Whether Jiang Cheng remembered him or not,-

https://twitter.com/GuardianofJupi1/status/1343264316925960192

it shouldn't matter to him because didn't he had no intention whatsoever to do anything about this shattered relationship between him and Jiang Cheng?

It hadn't matter a year ago after that night in Yunping, it hadn't matter last month when he had known Jiang Cheng hid himself-

in Lotus Pier and now, Wei Wuxian knew his former shidi no longer remembered him, it still shouldn't matter.

For a split second, Wei Wuxian hated Lan Zhan for pointing that out because it was true. It was him who didn't want to do anything with Jiang Cheng. It was him who had-

walked away. And it was him did the leaving without any explanation whatsoever. What right did he have to even *care*, all of the sudden, about Jiang Cheng?

He was a year too late.

But still, he couldn't help himself staring at his shidi. what the disciple told him was true.

Jiang Cheng really did remember everyone.

He remembered Nie Huaisang from the time he studied in Cloud Recesses. He remembered Zewu-Jun from both times in Cloud Recesses and during Sunshot Campaign. He remembered Lan Zhan in relation to his older brother.

Wei Wuxian wondered

what he remembered about his childhood? Wasn't he was the bigger part of Jiang Cheng's adolescence? Did he remember the times they stole meatbuns from the kitchen only to be chased out by the headcook? Did he still have the memory of the pranks he tried to stop Wei Wuxian from-

committing and yet still shared their punishment without betraying their secret? Did he recall the times Jiang Fengmian made him gave up his dogs, his room and his father's attention for the an unknown boy his father suddenly brought home?

But every time he tried to catch Jiang-

Cheng's eyes, the man just looked back at him, with a polite nod and a vague smile - just like the one he gave to *everybody* and it drove him to the brink of madness. Wei Wuxian hated being ignored.

And most of all, - the heaviest, the most distracting and the most-

heart-breaking of all- why did the deity think the memory Jiang Cheng had with Wei Wuxian was the most hurtful of all?

Wei Wuxian'd always thought he'd made Jiang Cheng as happy as he could be. He thought Jiang Cheng had loved him. To be discarded so easily by Jiang Cheng hurt.

"Jiang Cheng!" He called out on the third day of conference, during a break.

The man turned around to look at Wei Wuxian with a deep frown on his face. "Wei-xiansheng. Isn't it impolite to call me out so casually? I know you're Hanguang-Jun's partner, but still, I am a sect-

leader. Won't you at least call me by a courtesy name if my title bothers you so much?"

No snark, no sneer and no threat. Just a frown and a request. "Apology, Jiang W-Wanyin," he stuttered over the uncommon name on his lips.

Wei Wuxian studied the face in front of him. It was

still the same severe, unsmiling face. But Wei Wuxian could still the aura of bitterness and sorrow were vanished in the presence of an even more peaceful face.

Gone was the usual defensive stance he used to see Jiang Cheng adopted whenever they were in each other's presence,-

as if he was closing himself in while bracing for something bad. His body posture now was more open, relaxed and confidence.

Even his voice was less cutting. It was now just impatient and gruff.

The face was known, but Wei Wuxian realised he didn't recognise him at all.

"Was it something that you wanted, Wei-xiansheng? I notice that you've looking at my way for the last few days." Jiang Wanyin asked.

Wei Wuxian's breath hitched at the question because there were loads of thing he wanted from Jiang Cheng but he could never get it from him now.

Ironic wasn't it - to only be wanting when he couldn't have it.

He had been incredibly selfish. And greedy. And an idiot.

What else could he do except to shake his head softly. "Is just that- you look a lot like someone I used to know."

"Oh?" Jiang Wanyin raised his eyebrows

- the familiarity was heart-breaking for Wei Wuxian to watch, now that he knew he couldn't never have Jiang Cheng the way before. "If that's so, then, may I ask what happened to him? You look deeply saddened."

A punch in the stomach would've hurt less. "I... I lost him."

"Due to what?"

What could he say to that? Tears burned in his eyes, face hot. "To time- we're separated way too long to be able to reconnect..."

Jiang Wanyin looked thoughtful. "If it was just time, then, it is easily remedied. All you have to do is reached out to him."

Yes, he should have. He should have done that a year ago when Jiang Cheng was begging for a reason for everything that had happened to him because of Wei Wuxian.

Jiang Wanyin continued. "But if you couldn't reach out all those time, then perhaps you are running away from him.

In my experience, people run away because either of hatred or of guilt. Which one are you, then?"

There was a big rock stuck in his throat and Wei Wuxian swallowed twice just to be able to answer. "Why can't it be due to love?" He whispered.

"I believe that when one loves-

someone, he would have fought to stay with the person he loves. And of he couldn't, he would have found a way to keep their connection alive." Jiang Wanyin shrugged. "I mean, that's what I would have done."

Wei Wuxian's cheeks were wet and Jiang Wanyin looked a bit alarmed.

"Wei-xiansheng! I'm sorry! Did I make you sad?"

He just shook harder and quickly bowed to excuse himself, leaving Jiang Cheng to stare at his back in surprise. This was too much.

Jiang Wanyin was right. Wei Wuxian didn't love his shidi enough to try to stay with him. He had-

allowed his sense of righteousness to divert him away. He had never loved Jiang Cheng enough.

That evening, he encountered Zewu-Jun on his way back to Jingshi. A gentle inquiry from the taller man had Wei Wuxian broke down for a second time that day.

"Why did the deity make-

him forget me?!" He sobbed. His heart was breaking in a way he could scarcely breathe. "We love each other! How could he forget me?!"

Zewu-Jun sighed. No one came out unscathed from that accursed night. If one were to judge Wei Wuxian's behaviour right after that, one would-

Wei Wuxian could easily shrug off everything, going back to the road, marrying Lan Wangji and just living his life. While in the background, the rest of them were still stuck in the aftermath of it.

"Wei-gongzi..." He said gently. Deep inside he couldn't really blame Jiang-

Wanyin at all. The hurt of being left behind, uncared and unnoticed by one's brother (sworn or birth) was still the same. Wasn't that night, he was also being left behind by not only Jing Guangyao to deal with the confusion and also, by Lan Wanyin as his brother chased after-

his love, leaving him behind on the ground, numb from the betrayal, unable to move.

But he couldn't find in himself to hate Wangji because he'd been there, supporting him while he mourned. He'd always loved more than he hated. Gradually he found the strength to stand up again.

"If I ever knew Jiang Wanyin at all, I'd say despite his harsh exterior, he feels the most - deeper and longer than anyone I knew. He loves without conditions and his loyalty is akin to mountains, unshakeable as it is. And I know, just like me, he loves more than he hates."

Wei Wuxian's sobs hitched as he looked up at Zewu-Jun. "What are you saying?"

Zewu-Jun pulled his robe tighter around himself. He felt for Jiang Wanyin and he was rooting for him in this unwinnable war of salvaging the relationship with his former shixiong.

Sometimes, one had to concede. Sometimes, one had to let go. Sometimes, the bridge would always remain burn. And it was okay to move on.

"I'm saying, when someone loves that deeply, the pain was just as deep. Being left behind by someone whom you knew had-

always hated you hurt much less than being left behind by someone whom you thought had returned your love." His voice turned a bit sharper and he forced himself to calm down.

"Jiang Wanyin forgets you because he loves you the most, and thus, you're his most painful memory."

With a sharp nod, he walked away. He couldn't comfort him, not when he commiserated deeply with Jiang Wanyin. The knowledge that Wei Wuxian didn't understand why Jiang Wanyin hurt provoked a vicious sense of protectiveness in him.

Wei Wuxian didn't deserve Jiang Wanyin at all.