My mom does have covid.

Explaining to her how to prone herself.

Texting my dad with quarantine instructions for himself and everyone in my brother's household and everyone they saw over Xmas.

While at work.

Taking care of covid patients.
My current pt, I asked our MD what the plan is, and he was all, "find more people to carry the coffin" -- by which he means involve a few more services, so we can get this family to understand that the patient won't make it.
My husband asked if I should come home.

I can't.

Can't change anything for my mom, she's 3 states away.

Can't bone over my coworkers. My patient is a 1:1, we're gonna be short at 11 as is.

Told him my plan was just to be a mess on twitter so here we are.

Brace yourselves.
Holding it together ok so far.

Work is good busy.

Shoving feelings into feeling hole.

Went to talk to my coworker whose dad bought a gun pre-election, worried about the 'antifa' and had a good, I FUCKING HATE FOX NEWS moment together.
Remembering when my parents told me, well 'we're killing the economy,' and 'God knows when it's your time' and I want to fucking fire hose that shit like a dragon now. I pushed back on it at the time, to no effect.

So angry still. More angry than anything else.
Basically doing what they were doing when they were doing it this was inevitable.

Except for the part where it didn't have to happen at all.
Made an appt for my psych md on my break.
Man its a really good thing I got my first vax shot.

If I hadn't, my mood, already wafer thin, would be subterranean.
Work wants me to stay for a 16.

I laughed pretty hard and said no.
Dinner break of champions:
Almost didn't switch my masks before I went into my pts room.

My game is not tight today.

Thinking about calling in sick tomorrow.
I'm gonna go in tomorrow --

a) I might need to spend that sick day later in the months on edits for this book

b) I'll keep my easy assignment. My patient's going to die no matter what I do, so🤷‍♀️

the cold calculus of the covid nurse on full display here. Sorry it ain't pretty.
if they had a chance, I'd care more, but since they don't, barring a time machine and going back to pre-thanksgiving, it is what it is.

You gotta wrap your heart in spikes to do this job.

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More from @CassieY4

27 Dec
My elderly parents, who I, even as an ICU RN, could not talk out of making a cross country move and visiting all of their relatives along the way, are in Texas now.

My aunt and uncle who they saw in AZ are now covid positive and my mom is sick.

I just want to throw up and cry.
If my mom does have covid, which seems likely, seeing as they visited my aunt/uncle 2 days prior to their positive diagnosis -- they hung out with my brother's wife's whole family on Christmas, including her elderly parents as well.
I try and I try and I do nothing but try and for what?

What is even the point of all this trying?

I am breaking myself and for why or who or who the fuck cares?
Read 4 tweets
7 Dec
I'm seeing a lot of trash takes on ICU capacity today, so here goes me explaining things (before I very much log off to write):

Yes! We have flu seasons here! And yes, our hospitals can get full during those flu seasons!

But what armchair ICU managers aren't realizing is

that it is unheard of for ALL ICUS EVERYWHERE IN THE STATE to be under thread of running out of beds (or currently out of them!)

Usually regions of the state can help one another. There's a fire, a disaster, the ambulances run, everyone pitches in.

I used to be a burn RN

And I got to see this collaborative process several times, first hand.

When there was that big gas explosion in Nor Cal a few years ago, you'd better believe every burn center in the state was overstaffed just in case.

Same same for the fires when the Camp Fire occurred.

Read 34 tweets
20 Nov
It's really frustrating to not have the right words to explain all this covid/nursing as someone who writes professionally.
When you're a writer you're used to thinking, 'There's some perfect way to explain this experience. If I keep trying, I'll get it right, and people will understand me. I can make this experience universal. I can change lives.'
I keep trying, and there's just...not.

I feel like a whiner. We're merely full, but not slammed. But I can't help but see what's coming for us. And feel how disposable our lives and the candlewicks of our souls seem to be.
Read 8 tweets
4 Apr
okay, I have passed from incandescent rage stage to just wanting to explain things calmly, so I'll post

Hello, I would like to tell you what it's like to put your loved one to sleep from the medical side.

This...might be a long thread. Buckle in.
So, in a perfect world, this would be a decision the patient would participate in themselves.

This should now be a legit discussion you have with your family members.

If you don't let people know what your desires are -- well, they won't know. And they'll hesitate.
No one wants to be the bad guy who pulls the plug. And without clear guidance from you, your family is going to feel guilty.

No matter what they decide.

So please, please, please, have those talks. Even though they're scary. They're important.

Read 26 tweets
25 Mar
High Density Info thread coming:


This is just a fancy-ass CPAP machine like your snoring husband wears.

It is not gonna save NYC or us.

More info on how vents work .... 1/
There are several different levels of oxygenating people depending on their need and what's wrong with them.

Sometimes people's lungs aren't elastic enough for proper air exchange, other times ppl's lungs can't get the O2 outta the air (ARDS), etc.

So when you start off 2/
you start with a nasal canula, like y'all have all seen on TV before. Obviously that's not a tight seal in someone's nose, it's just those little prongs, right?

But sometimes just goosing people with some extra O2 airflow is enough to help them breathe.

Read 33 tweets

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