Thread by @jsparkblog

I have to be honest. This year I nearly lost my faith again. Like many of us, I was in a bad place. I turned to the church for hope. Online & off, I asked how to deal with the isolation, the loss of George Floyd, & hate crimes against Asian-Americans because of “China virus.” 1/

I was angry & afraid. I needed something, anything, to speak to my anxiety. But it seemed the church did not hear my worries. It turned these events into a culture war that I barely understood. The answer for our suffering was apparently self-righteous politics & posture. 2/

I know many churches, including mine, have done good things in this time. Yes, I still love the church, always. But my inbox, comments, & interactions told one story: too many Christians were more offended by my grief rather than listening to it. They couldn’t wait to argue. 3/

I kept hearing, “If you don’t believe ___, you’re not a Christian. Deceived by worldly distractions. Quit looking to church, look to God.” When I protested or wore a mask: “You’re a liberal leftie Marxist.” I didn’t get these replies. They seemed cold & irrelevant to our hurt. 4/

I waited for reassurance, lament, repentance. But the evangelical church fortified its doors & armed itself with conspiracy theories instead. It made persuasive transmission of information as the primary goal. “Believe this or get out.” So I prayed & wept alone. Was I alone? 5/

Am I alone? To grieve the evangelical church’s fear of man to call out prejudice, injustice & misinformation? Or the “both sides have a point” neutrality? Or that King David’s redemption story is extended to perpetually abusive politicians but never to those like George Floyd? 6/

No, my faith does not rest on people. But that doesn’t relieve my sense of abandonment. Trying to seek God in a church this year was like needing water in a desert but was instead told “those secular people” were withholding water from me. Where is the water? How long, O Lord? 7/

I hold onto one thing. I keep picturing Jesus’ hands stretched to the criminals on his left & right. It is my one hopeful vision in the desert. A gracious vision for this nation. Jesus reaching for someone like you & me is almost enough for the next moment. Almost. 8/8