Most importantly, I hope that you, as a man, find the courage to leave the woman that does not appreciate you, that insults you, and abuses you. You are not inevitably tied to a woman, and your continued stay, will not change their minds. Delete that number. Start saying 'No'.
We live in a society that can be very indifferent to male plight. But you feel, you love and you hope. Regardless, these must be tamed. I have shared with so many brothers on the DMs this year. Men suffer abuse. Men suffer betrayal. Men can be very hopeful. To their detriment.
Despite our fervent denial, relationships are an important facet of our lives as men. They affect our overall productivity. Affect our relationship with other men. Women do not have monopoly of exit. Leave a woman that is going nowhere with her life behind. You are not a savior.
Work hard, have standards, & demand mutuality. Design a purpose, write it on a whiteboard, and review it often. When you have productive options, you become less dependent on a woman's approval. Take time to know yourself, nurture individuality. Accept rejection, & move along.
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I come back to this city a lot. It is here that I schooled. You see that dead stump next to the road, it used to be a huge oak tree. The first time I came back, exactly 2 years after I had left, Tuishime, my former classmate, was a cashier in one of those ubiquitous Indian shops
I found him in the afternoon - hunched next to other worn faces in the hot Nairobi afternoon. He said, "a man must fight", as he dipped a piece of thin chapati in the light bean soup. He had applied to several organizations after internship, but only the Indians would have him.
I said, "sorry man, keep fighting. I'll pray for you". He didn't stay long: said the Indian bosses were rather particular. He walked with long strides. His spring smacked optimism. The throng swallowed him quickly, and I, haunted by its anxiety, hurried out of that gloomy street.
Africans cling to victimhood because the West has fetishized suffering. Victim syndrome sells in the US. African personalities didn't always make an identity of their misfortunes. They sold merit to the world. Today, we hawk trauma for pity money. We're trauma pornstars.
The first thing an African does, as soon as she has the west's attention, injustice. Victimhood is the standard marketing strategy: Colorism, homophobia, sexism...most of these things did not happen. Especially, to the individuals that claim it for mileage.
And when you write long letters for scholarships, you claim poverty you never suffered. You claim discrimination you never experienced. You rob the deserving of their truth. And then you wonder why everybody thinks Africa is one big bush.
You see, the problem in having "beautiful" as your benchmark in seeking romance is that it's limitless. You will never come into the most beautiful woman, You can only come into the most beautiful woman FOR YOU, depending on you. General standards die where the individual begins.
That is why as you grow older, standards shift. Hence, "I ain't got no type". Superficiality loses meaning. "Beautiful" will indeed attract, but we are kept by much more. For instance, I've always preferred taller women, like my mom, but somehow always ended up with short ones.
Because when it came down to it, their height's significance paled in comparison to their minds & spirits. The more I grew to know them, the more the world's standards lost meaning. It felt like home. And it was beautiful. I took the world out of it, and inserted me.
A man is still a man. It matters little that he is fat, slender, short, or tall. He sullies his frame when he submits himself to the dictates of the world outside him. You cannot be tall or lean enough to impress every woman.
And unless a woman lives in the forest, and feeds from trees and shrubs, she has no use deriding short men. That is a mark of congenital inanity. If tall was the benchmark, every tall man would be a polygamist. Yet, we too get rejected by women, & just as frequently, if not more.
When you're tall enough, it is the face that does you in. When you're slim enough, it is poverty that sells you out. Standards shift depending on the woman’s desire. The presence of fat & short men – & women – is a testament to the triviality of these qualities in human evolution
Women cooking for men is not an act of servitude in Africa as is peddled by leftism. In the original African context, food is not just about fill, it is a bridge to community. We have sacrificed our wealth already, why must we sacrifice our identity too?
The funny thing is we are sacrificing it for the proclivities of communities that lack grounded identity. There's no white identity. There's no African American identity. But there is the African identity. Yet it's us that act like we have no identity. They should be emulating us
In America, chicken is just chicken. You eat it & sleep. That's why they won't stop eating. They eat morning to night. Nonstop. But in Africa, food is an opportunity for community. Every action seeks community. When we meet, when the women cook, it is not the act, but the symbol.
I don't understand why cooking for men is an issue in Africa. Food is not just food here, it is a symbol of community. Like the Kola nut. And if 90% of women that say they will never cook for a man are single...
And the fact that you say, you'll never cook for a man, means a man is still in your plans. My women cook for me. I am not going to make a cooking timetable in my house. That's for the modern man. Why an act of love has been turned into an agenda I do not understand.
If you don't want to cook for your man, join that other queue. You will wait a while because the quintessential African man loves food coming from his woman's hands. In America food is just food, in Africa food is a symbol. Or marry an American.