Thread by @Ada_di_ora_mma

Let's talk about hierarchy in marriage.
A woman put up a tweet about the things she learned from her failed marriage. She and her ex-husband dated for 4 years, got married and divorced 13 months later.

She put down a quite number of things that ruined their marriage and

According to her, the major one was disagreement. They argue a lot over decision making, in her words "that's what really broke us".
At the end she said that she's happier, healthier now and looking forward to a better relationship.

From her tweet, you will think that she learnt

her mistake but she didn't. Her advice is, find a partner that you can easily come to an agreement with but that's not all it is to it.

I will explain;
Humans as an entity can not function without hierarchy. Primary school pupils have a class monitor, teachers have a headmaster

Or headmistress, same with secondary school, university, churches, companies, football team etc. In every organization, there's always an authoritative official and their subordinate and marriage is not left out.

In these organizations/ institutions, the head is always the

Major decisions maker. While the subordinate can make an input, the final say is in the hands of the head.

In marriage, the head is the husband which happens to be a man. So, every decision is on him while his wife has her input to make, he has the final say.

In this era of equality, some women are being delusional with the whole "we are equal and we are a team, we will make decisions equally", unfortunately, it can't work.

Yes, we all are equal as humans and that's where the equality ends, the offices you occupy have different

roles and the office of the husband holds the authoritative official (the man) who's responsible for how his home should run while office of the wife (woman) is the supporter.

Like in that woman's story, she wanted to steer the ship with her husband equally and the ship hit the

Rock.
I get it that some women are dominant and do not want to submit to the man and this brings the issue of some women usurping the man and occupying the office of the husband which happens but on a low percentage.
In cases like this, the man is always miserable except the man

Is a natural weakling.🤷
When you hear women say, "my husband and I run everything equally", two things are involved; either she's lying or she's the one in control.

Some women would ask, "why can't we do it equally?", Check out process that leads to the institution marriage,

The man is the one that builds himself and tell himself that he's ready to have his own family, he goes out there to look for a woman, he makes the advances, asks her out on date, wine and dine her, proposes, marries and brings her to his house, give her his name, protection and

Provision. You can't demand equal control because he's the one inviting you to his empire and as such you're his subordinate.

Some women would ask, "why would I trust someone to make decisions for my life?", This is someone you trust with your life and that of your children

Why can't you trust him to make the best decisions for your family?
Nobody is perfect, he will make mistakes and you're there to support him in this decision making even though he has the final say on it.

For you to have equality, you will have to eradicate gender roles and that

Will breed chaos like we are seeing the high rate of divorce.

Understanding your roles and executing them as perfectly as possible will make the marriage run like a well oiled machine.

While courting, discuss the roles of the office of the husband and that of the wife.

It's not set on stone, there will be need for adjustments and compromises but knowing those roles will be like having a guideline. The issues that will fall outside of the spectrum will be minimal and easy to control.

So, don't fight the hierarchy because it will end in premium tears. ✌️