And now a livetweet thread of a legal conference in the case of C21-31-BJR, Parler LLC v. @awscloud.
Parler suggests "AWS just has to flip a switch and Parler gets turned back on. Parler has been their customer for 2.5 years."
"They've met and conferred over some user content that violates not only Parler's user requirements, but also Amazon's." Yes, they'll do that, whether you want them to or not.
"I'm not on social media" says Parler's lawyer. "If I use any terms and you don't understand them, I can explain them your honor." Just go full bro and call it "dumbing things down for you" dude.
They're now saying an "algorithm" can solve their moderation problems.

Spoiler: it can not.
"Before this, AWS spent months trying to create a long term relationship with Parler." Oh my sweet summer child. Do you also believe that your call is truly important to them as you please continue to hold?
"Amazon alleges it wasn't a termination, it was a suspension." I mean yeah, technically they didn't go through their actual "account termination" process that includes "deleting all of your data and other resources."
"All of these actions taken by @awscloud demonstrate irreparable harm and injury."
"It's disingenuous for @awscloud to talk about hate. Twitter has the same issues. They left up a hashtag or whatever it is about hanging (the VP)." Yes, but Twitter doesn't run on AWS, and equally notably, has a published and kinda-working moderation policy in place.
"Parler has not been able to locate any web host for their content, and there are reasons for that." YES THERE CERTAINLY ARE
The judge finally interrupted the ramblefest. "What about section 7.2 of Amazon's terms, which seems to provide for immediate termination?"
"It's a short termination. It's a temporary suspension."

It is absolutely not.
Judge: "How do you get to temporary? It says termination."
Judge now offers a few minutes to think about this: "Your TRO was filed before the suspension/termination. We've already moved on to a different phase of things. At what point does the TRO become a request for preliminary injunction?"
A rambling answer results in "Yes, great. My question is should we refer to this as a PI? The requirements are the same."

"Thank you for reminding me of the question, your honor." I'm already wincing at just how thoroughly outclassed this guy is.
Now @awscloud's lawyer is up. "TRO should be denied because nothing in the contract, antitrust law, or tort law requires AWS to host anything that encourages violence."
"Our examples in our brief are just that. Examples. They're the tip of the iceberg."
"Let's see 7.2. 'We can terminate for cause or suspend.' It's a suspension, but it can also be a termination. It's irrelevant, AWS is allowed to be either."
Judge: "This is a suspension? It looks like a termination."
Lawyer: "It's a suspension because AWS is still hosting their data." OH BOOM. Quinnypig gets it right earlier in the thread.
"We have to suspend your account tonight. Come back to us if you have a different moderation plan and we can revisit."
Judge: "Does that mean Amazon is still open to reinstatement with an effective moderation plan, or am I putting you on the spot?"
Obvious punting on that one!
"Your honor, it's almost irrelevant because there's no way for them to fix this within 30, 60, or 90 days. Nobody from Parler attests that this is something that they can do, or even that it's possible." Hard truth there.
Now talking about abuse complaint volumes skyrocketing along with user growth. This is an unbounded growth problem. I have sympathy for social media sites here; user moderation is *hard*. The largest network I helped moderate had ~100K actives.
Now to irreparable harm: "Their brief agrees that much of this harm would be compensable by damages." This is true. In other words, "if you can be made whole with a check you don't get a TRO/injunction."
Judge question: "Does @awscloud provide the same services to Twitter?"
Lawyer: "No. Twitter's live feed doesn't run on AWS. They couldn't have taken the same actions with respect to Twitter."
Lawyer makes one more point: "It's in the public interest to deny the injunction based upon the events of January 6th." I guess we're calling it an injunction now.
Back to Parler's attorney. "On the 8th there were no further warnings, no shot across the bow. It was just 'boom, we're suspending you.'" Correct. There is no requirement otherwise.
Judge: "Would damages be sufficient, coupled with reinstatement? Why wouldn't that be sufficient?"
Lawyer: "The site is supported by advertisers." PLEASE NAME THREE.
Uh... "Okay, would a GIANT PILE OF DAMAGES be sufficient" is the next question if I'm cosplaying as a lawyer.
Judge: "Thanks for coming on short notice. Bye!"
What happens now is that the judge considers the case and issues a ruling either granting or denying the TRO/PI, probably later today.

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More from @QuinnyPig

14 Jan
This will sure show @awscloud! No way they'll be able to create Amazon Elasticsearch a... second time.
Yes. That is exactly the *point* of open source. Don't like it? That's valid! Don't go open source. But to claim that @awscloud and others are somehow doing something underhanded is just flat out incorrect. Image
As @vmbrasseur points out, using @elastic or Kibana are now actively business risks that your company needs to manage.

anonymoushash.vmbrasseur.com/2021/01/14/ela…
Read 4 tweets
14 Jan
This one grabbed my attention. I spent two years at @TaosTech. They’re the reason I moved to SF, started my own consulting firm, and met some wonderful people. It’s probably the best job I ever had.

Very savvy move by @ibmcloud.
I have a request to say more. Well okay!

The @TaosTech technical interview is a thing of genius. It's standardized, modeled after SAGE levels, and reshaped how I think about hiring engineers.
At the time my biggest gripe with Taos was that they didn't have a role into which I "fit." With the benefit of hindsight that's not their fault; I don't fit in anywhere, which is why I'm here.
Read 7 tweets
14 Jan
Let me point out some cloud magic tonight / say some nice things.

Normally I dunk on @awscloud in these threads, but today that puts me Nazi-adjacent. Plus AWS marketing's nerves are a little... frayed, so I fear for my safety.
The easy starting point is @awssupport. People are just rude as hell to them and they take it on the chin like the professionals they are. "Amazon is owned by a billionaire!" but he doesn't have to field the support tweets.

They also have to figure out when I'm trolling.
No matter how much you complain, they'll help you out. They're marvels, and good people too.
Read 16 tweets
13 Jan
I read this tweet aloud to my wife.

@bequinning: “Oh, Ambika?! We went to law school together!”
I always wondered how an attorney would frame "cool story, bro" and now I know.
I'm starting to think that maybe the Parler folks might not fully grasp how complicated web properties work.
Read 5 tweets
13 Jan
In this thread (which you may want to mute), give me a company and I'll tell you why they fired me.

I'll start with @F5: because I used the word "refreshing" in their marketing copy.
I felt sorry for the princess our customers had to kidnap for ransom to pay for our product, so I bought her a taser.

I violated their ethics policy by having some.

Read 73 tweets
12 Jan
There's been a lot of noise lately about follower counts, so I'm pleased to leap into that and take a remarkably petty victory lap:

I now have more followers than the hardest working account in cloud, @AWSSupport.
Their milquetoast advice will work, but my terrible advice is way better!
@AWSSupport: "Use RDS as your database!"
Me: "Use Route 53 as your database!"
AWS: "Lock down your S3 buckets to avoid data leaks."
Me: "Save money by storing data in other people's insecure S3 buckets."
Read 5 tweets

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