Thread by @daniellamyoung

Good morning, let me tell you a bit about my experience in my college-neighborhood gym & the veterans who use it, while wearing my 101 tank top. Maybe it’ll help us think about how to solve the “invisible veterans” (read women) problem. (A thread)

Most days I go to the gym wearing an assortment of Army unit t-shirts or tanks. Why, you ask 🤷‍♀️? 1) bc it’s work out gear I own 2) bc it’s comfy 3) bc I’m proud of my service 4) bc I have great memories that make me smile 5) bc I like to feel connected to the veteran community

People who study group behavior call this signaling gear—the pin from your church, the runner’s 26.2 sticker, MAGA hat, BLM sign, the 101st T-shirt. You get it. It helps us to suss out & connect with those “like us” or n some way. It’s likely an evolutionary survival mechanism.

So, there I am, at my DC gym. Not an Army community, so it stands out, but DC + university neighborhood, so there are plenty. I watch the guys strutting around the gym, giving each other head nods of recognition as they see the signaling t-shirt. You are one of us.

Then their gaze falls on me. No me would expect, (because, of course, we’re all equal) that the same treatment would be extended. Head nod of approval, a glance of acceptance to the work I also did to be part of the team.

Instead, (you probably guessed it) I get nothing. A glance up and down and then straight away. No smile, no acknowledgement. Kind of reminds me of being in uniform every day on a male-dominated base in a male-dominated career.

For years I’ve worked in Veterans advocacy groups & were always asking the question (directed at the women, as if it’s our problem to solve) “how do we get more women to show up to events, to participate in our programs? How do we stop female veterans from suffering 5-1 on issues

Every time I tell a man veteran that I don’t miss the camaraderie in the same way that he does, because I was never let into the club in the same way they he was, they are baffled.

These are all “good guys” (I wouldn’t waste breath on the bad ones), but there’s no way they get it—because they never went looking for signs that the women they served with were incredibly isolated by the endemic & institutionalized sexism in our active duty environment.

Every time we make a woman prove that she has the right to be there in ways that we don’t do to men, we’re exacerbating isolation. Every time we question a woman service member’s friendships, we tighten the isolation screw. Every time we make jokes about “earning the t-shirt”...

When we “outlaw sex” in deployed environments, where women are numbered less than 5% of the population, watched and tracked with every movement, we signal that we don’t care that we’ve made the environment IMMENSELY dangerous for a huge number of soldiers.

Yes, it’s all tied together, and no I’m not exaggerating. We can stop the problem of invisible veterans, of the higher than normal rate of suicide, homelessness and depression seen amongst women veterans, if we stopped making them both invisible & hyper visible during service.

The men soldiers aren’t bad, they aren’t doing it to be mean, to exclude. They just don’t understand why women have to come in and break up the boy’s club, because that’s the message they’ve received from the top.

As a woman veteran, I don’t care about being thanked for my service (I find it just as awkward as you men do), but I don’t like having to defend that I served every time I get “OMG you were in too?” From those who express no surprise at my husband’s service.

So I think I came here to say that the problem with “invisible veterans”, like everything else, is about culture. It’s not that women don’t want to self-identify as veterans. It’s that when we do, we want to not be ignored while the bearded guy next to us gets the head nod.

Thanks for coming to my second TED talk. Carry on, but actually, no, acknowledge a woman in uniform today. XOXO, —the elusive veteran without a beard

It wasn’t til MilTwitter found this thread that I realized just how many women won’t even wear the t-shirt, have no desire to signal that they are part of the club, because it’s too exhausting. I’d see you, except we can’t. Maybe we need a signal of our own.

Here's the whole thread threadreaderapp.com/thread/1351569…