Thread by @Memeghnad

#storytime

So there is a news channel, a new kid on the block, which is trying to get ads for itself. When it launches, they are ranked #5 on viewership.

All the channels are doing stories on govt corruption & how a minister colluded to give kickbacks to a company.

Now the marketing dept of this new channel is like, "Yaar, we need to do something different. We need to do a story that nobody else is doing so that we rise in the ranks."

So they come up with a plan.

They do a test story on the health benefits of cigarettes.

WEEK 1:

The marketing department gathers around as the weekly ratings come out. To their surprise, they're at #4 now.

Marketing chap runs to editorial and tells them, "This story is doing great! Youguys, up the ante. Do more!"

While this is happening, the marketing dept of the channel which was at #4, which slipped to #5 is like, "WTF just happened?"

Feedback comes in that health benefits of cigarettes story is doing well. So they tell editorial, "We need to do this too!"

Oh and there is another meeting happening at the channel that is now #3. They were ready to do a sting operation, exposing govt further.

But feedback comes in about the cig story. They take a call, "Yaar if we don't do this also, then we'll become #4. Let's drop the sting."

A domino effect happens.

#3, #4, #5, #6 and further down the line, everyone starts talking about health benefits of cigs. Tobacco companies line up to throw ads at these channels (obviously).

WEEK 2:

Our OG news channel comes up with a genius idea. All of their anchors start smoking on camera, while talking about health benefits of cigarettes.

Weekly ratings come in, now they're #3.

Marketing dept is like:

Now #2 folks, who were ready to talk about a CAG report which exposes the whole govt scam are worried. Their marketing dept also advises, "Guys, we need to start smoking on air too. Look at the ranking ffs!"

So they drop the story and #2 anchors start doing the same story.

Now every channel from #2 onwards has anchors smoking on air, talking about health benefits of cigs. They have 'debates' where people who say otherwise are shot down & silenced loudly.

#1 is worried af.

WEEK 3:

Now our OG channel has jumped to #2. The number #1 channel, which was about to interview the minister involved in the scam & get his response, just drops the story like a hot potato.

Health benefits of cigs it is! Everywhere! On all channels!

For weeks this continues. #2 becomes #1, then they switch places every now and then, but everyone is just doing that one story.

All marketing guys say that this is the best story to get ratings right now, just look at the rankings!

But, there is a twist in the tale...

The CEO of the org that decides these rankings, is close to the owner of the OG channel. He's advising him in real time about how his stories are doing, on a DAILY basis, while others are only getting WEEKLY numbers.

DHAN DHAN DHAAA!

What's more, this CEO chap is also slowly and steadily reducing the numbers of the channels ranked above our OG channel. Week by week. Deliberately and slowly.

This gives out the overall impression that Health Benefits of Cigarettes is the story to do at the moment.

Meanwhile, our TV viewer also starts believing that cigs are good. They say, "OG channel is the best channel because they were the ones who did the story first."

OG channel brags about how everyone else is just aping them.

Viewers are puffing away & tweeting praise on the side.

MORAL OF THE STORY:

CANCER.

SUPPORT INDEPENDENT MEDIA!

SAVE YOURSELF FROM CANCER.

WHEN THE PUBLIC PAYS, THE PUBLIC IS SERVED.

newslaundry.com/subscription