Thread by @p_millerd

1/ Starting a thread of bold promises from company career pages. Culture PR has gotten out of hand in the last 20 years. I don't think people realize how much its shaped the general expectations towards work.

1st example, Facebook: "do the most meaningful work of your career"

2/ McKinsey's promise of fitting your "career into your calling" is about as promising as it gets.

"opportunities are limitless"

3/ Ropes & Grey: "write your own career story"

(after you write your briefs)

4/ Deloitte: Impact the world (& mars?!)

"Deloitte’s impact can be as large or as small as our people make it. No more, no less"

5/ Citibank, "discover your next adventure" and "your story begins here"

6/ It might be that some of the best jobs (costco is famous for treating people exceptionally well) might have the least bold career sites

7/ Exxon "use your energy to change the world" 😂

Certainly true

8/ Phillip Morris: "change the world"

9/ Apple, "join thousands of other minds" and find your calling

10/ Moderna - probably the only company being a little too humble here

11/ AT&T "just imagine what we can do together"

(probably not play VR games)

12/ United Health "What inspires your life can transform your career"

(hopefully you are inspired by extracting wealth from a bloated healthcare economy)

13/ General Motors "We are determined to lead change for the world through technology, ingenuity and harnessing the creativity of our diverse team. "

14/ Wells Fargo "start your future now"

(don't worry no one went to jail for that fraud)

15/ Home depot: "make doing work for you"

what?

16/ Netflix, oops, I mean Comcast "create the future with us"

17/ Here's netflix. No promises just a belief. Like this one

"exceptional people and hard problems"

18/ BofA "Transform every day"

sounds tiring

19/ PNC: "work with meaning, life with balance"

don't understand that

20/ Gamestop: "Power to the players"

This one is gold.

21/ AMC - solid niche "jobs for movie people"

22/ Accenture "build the future!"

23/ Boeing "your future is built here"

24/ EY: "build a better working world"

(by doing audits on financial statements)

25/ Timken "work that matters"

26/ Citizens "ready to do what you love"

27/ KPMG "investing in your success"

28/ O'Melveny "grow as a person, not just as a lawyer"

29/ Latham & Watkis "do what you love"

(in your 12 hours off per week)

30/ Spotify: "join the band"

(and make 1 cent per 1000 streams)

31/ Kleiner Perkins "your impact in silicon valley begins today"

32/ Microsoft "do what you love"

33/ Amazon "building the future starts with U"

(nope starts with a b)

34/ Hertz: "drive your potential, power your passion"

cute.

35/ Airbnb benefits: "Live your best life"

why are they so far from him?

36/ Bytedance "do great things with the right people"

wow

37/ Stripe: "increase the GDP of the internet"

Another good one. Been surfing these for an hour now and this is the best career page, by far. Well done @patrickc
stripe.com/jobs

38/ Uber "build together, grow together"

39/ Lyft "lets grow together"

same as uber without the building!

40/ Instacart "nourish your career"

very domestic cozy

41/ visa “Individuality and creativity, welcomed”

42/ Redfin: "be part of something better"

43/ Intel: "do something wonderful"

44/ Twitter: "serve the public conversation"

(and unite profit and purpose)

45/ Opendoor: "come home to your dream job"

46/ Zillow: "get a head start on your career"

47/ IBM: "Do your best work ever"

(come on)

48/ Guidehouse "launch your future"

49/ Northrup Grumman: "defining possible...it's only impossible until you do it at northrup"

(because most companies don't make missiles)

50/ Avis: "moments that matter"

51/ The Hartford, "Where passion meets purpose"

(insurance products)

52/ NBA: "COMPETE WITH INTENSITY,
LEAD WITH INTEGRITY
AND INSPIRE PLAY.
This Is Our Calling. What's Yours?"

53/ World Economic Forum: "Join us in improving the state of the world"

54/ AXA XL: "work here"

love this pre "work is life" vibe. this is what i graduated into in 2007

55/ Bill and Melinda Gates: JOIN US IN HELPING TO CHANGE THE WORLD!

56/ Starbucks: "Connect with something bigger"

57/ Tata: "be part of our diversity"

58/ Egon Zhender: "The journey to your ideal career destination could start here."

*could (probably not, we're not growing fast enough to promote most young people)

59/ Commonbond: "do your best work"

60/ Slack: "help us improve people's working lives"

(with shitloads of notifications)

61/ P&G: "do something that matters" and "Make An Impact On More Than Just Your Career"

62/ GE: "We rise to the challenge of building a world that works"

63/ Unilever: "A BETTER BUSINESS. A BETTER WORLD. A BETTER YOU"

pink shirt guy wow!

64/ Pepsi: "your talent, our stage"

(your stage is a cubicle)

65/ Asana: "do your best work at Asana"

66/ Teachable: "better work, greater impact"

67/ The Hustle: "Join the crew...aboard our crazy pirate ship"

68/ Buzzfeed: "we’ve created an environment where employees can bring their authentic selves to work"

69/ Sears: "jobs that transform your career"

70/ JC Penney: "people, passion, purpose"

(work in stores that will be future amazon fulfillment centers)

71/ Digital Ocean: "come swim with us"

72/ Automattic: "Want to make the web a better place for more than a billion people each month?"

73/ Westinghouse: "what i do matters"

74/ Snapchat: "launch your career"

75/ Related: "Join us in building transformative communities"

76/ Korn Ferry: "are you ready to be more than?"

...more than what?!

77/ Signal: "work that sends a message"

78/ Bayer: "passion to innovate, power to change"

79/ Grant Thorton: "welcome to more...take your career beyond business as usual"

Really thought accounting firms were in the business of doing "business as usual" hmm

80/ Colt seems to know its lane

81/ Logitech: "We are the sweet spot for people who are passionate about product, making a mark and having fun doing it."

82/ Cisco: "find your fit, make your mark"

83/ Hubspot: "lets grow together"

84/ Nvidia "like no place youve ever worked"

85/ Caterpillar: "its your career, make it matter"

86/ Zoom: "we deliver happiness"

87/ Docusign: "work of your life"

88/ RingCentral: "do what you love"

89/ Qualcomm: "invent with us"

90/ VMWare: "work here, transform everywhere"

91/ Workday: "do what you love, love what you do"

92/ Adobe: "lets create experiences that matter"

(we have a killer recurring subscription bundle!)

93/ Equinox: "innovate to inspire"

94/ MIT: "join us in building a better world"

95/ Salesforce: "transform your every day"

96/ SAP: "find your dream job at SAP... Bring everything you are. Become everything you want. Create experiences that help the world run better. "

97/ Purdue Farms: "grow a career that never stops"

98/ Philips: "don't just challenge yourself, challenge the status quo"

99/ Shopify: "work with purpose"

100/ Oracle: "change lives doing what you love"

Alright i'm done with this for now. I'm sorry you can't unsee what you just saw.

If you have any I should add link them below. Might make this a recurring feature in my newsletter => boundless.substack.com

submission for @dishonestmktg