Thread by @shayshinecastle

That's it for the council meeting. Sorry I kinda zoned out on the last couple of issues (city manager search update and city attorney search). I wish I could say it doesn't matter what Nagle said, but it does. It fucking hurts.

I will get over it because I know I did my job. But I am not going to be blamed for her saying something uninformed, hurtful and offensive.

It is my job to report what elected officials say — and unguarded moments offer just as much truth (often more) than what they say when they know people are watching.

I did what I do every single Tuesday. This particular Tuesday, the only thing new was what she said.

I believe it was in the community interest to report. I'm not trying to sensationalize or cause drama: It was a noteworthy thing that she said. The community deserves to know what their elected officials say and do.

That's why it hurts on a professional level. Here's why it hurts on a personal level, why I'm crying when instead I should just be like, "welp, politicians gonna politic." and getting on with my job/life.

I'm a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. One of the really gross things that happens (other than the abuse itself) is how the abusers train you to believe that this is YOUR secret to keep. That if, by some miracle, you managed to tell someone (most kids don't)....

... then you, the victim, are responsible for whatever fallout happens. If it's a family member, you'll be responsible for all that family drama. Maybe even losing a parent, and literally breaking up a family.

If it's a beloved community members, you'll be responsible for all the sadness that everyone who loved them feels when they realize what this person did.

The abuser puts all of that on you.

I am NOT comparing Nagle to a perpetrator of abuse, to be clear. She said a shitty thing, she's trying to discharge the pain and anger by shifting some blame. Whatever. Politicians gonna politic.

I am simply sharing why this affects me so personally. Because deep down in some small, young part of me, I feel that I did something bad. I told the truth, and look what happened. If I hadn't tweeted it, no one outside that meeting would have known what she said.

None of this would have happened.

I reject that. I reject that as a journalist, I reject that as a person. I did my job. I told the truth. I'm not accepting blame for that.

If the knowing of a thing causes outrage/upset, it's not the knowing that is the problem. It's the thing.

I think that's part of why I became a journalist. Bc I couldn't tell the truth when I was a kid, or I did and no one cared.

So now I spend my whole life making up for it.

But yea, it sucks sometimes to be the one who makes the thing known. Professionally, of course, but also personally for me, for these reasons.

Thanks for listening, for being uncomfortable. I'm not going to apologize for that discomfort, but I understand it.

Nagle is a person who deserves to be understood in all her completeness and complexity. And so am I.