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Corey Quinn Profile picture
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9 Feb, 41 tweets, 11 min read
Since a lot of friends are currently interviewing for work, let's do one of these again.

Ask me your interview question, and I'll respond / play the role of Candidate Who Is Entirely Too Honest.
"It's pretty bold of you to challenge a job candidate to a fistfight, but what the hell; let's throw down!"
"Because I want to cross-link the userbase to Kubernetes training videos."
"It's never happened. At my last job, the customer needed to shut the hell up so I hung up on them."
"My old boss still walks with a limp, but please, go ahead and ask me another insulting question and see what happens."
"Based upon that question, it's that I'd expect my colleagues to know what the hell they're doing."
"I'm not one to judge others' missions; separating idiots from their money is as noble a cause as any other I suppose."
"Let me borrow your watch a second. Great, thanks. Now, please accompany me to the roof."
"Less than it'll take to convince me to work with you ignorant jackholes."
"Attending a funeral with you. Stay out of my way and you stand a great chance of not being the one in the casket."
"It took forever for the FBI to sign off that I'd gathered enough evidence and could leave."
"Christmas Eve."
"Ever hear of 'Galloping Gertie?' That, but with Kubernetes."
"Most weeks, but somehow by Friday they're no longer troublesome. Or colleagues. Or answering their phones."
"I'd probably make it something a customer would be willing to purchase without having to threaten them first, but I'm a dreamer like that."
"With trepidation, fear, and a healthy awareness that I will one day learn exactly what they said."
"I'm on the clock during this interview."
"According to this W-2 you carelessly left locked in your desk drawer at home, neither did you."
"I convinced my previous boss to liquidate their 401(k) and go all in on $GME."
"I skipped the waterboarding interview to catch a plane to reInvent."
"...do you mean 'whiteboarding?'"
"I absolutely do not."
"I sure can, because to me an ideal outcome is you never seeing your car again in one piece."
"I took some time off to go spear fishing in celebrity emails."
"It turns out that at a company Halloween party, people put their faces in the water willingly. Seriously, that's like 90% of the hard work done."
"The satisfaction of a job well done. That job is seeing the entire C-suite in prison for 20 years, but that's neither here nor there."
"After enough mysterious disappearances, they stopped sending colleagues to 'help' and just stayed out of my way."
"It's hard to find something more technical than electricity. Hold still."
"Based upon your market performance, I can tell that having one is a disqualifier for working here."
"With flavored crayons."
"I'm very good with confidentiality. If you don't believe me, just ask *your* wife."
"You're going to need to hire me before I start doing your job for you."
"It's funny that you refer to 'work' as the opposite of 'life,' because for the people here who get in my way that'll prove oddly prescient..."
"I'm going to instead start with single words that describe the good things that come into my mind about your mother."
"Just like Batman, my superpower is 'preparation.' As an example, you'll find that googling my name now returns compromising photos of you. What were you thinking for a start date?"
"Either staggered replication with an automated cutover mechanism, or something insulting about your kids/pets, to your preference."
"See, you say that it's purely hypothetical, yet if you try the doorknob you'll see that you're quite locked in to this conference room. Across the hall, so is your peer. Now then..."
"I think it's pretty clear that I'm not a culture fit here at Tesla."
"Because if you don't the Hiring Committee is going to override your veto once they figure out where all of that missing money went."
"Layer 1, because it's really hard to strangle people with any other layer."
"Not unless they've patched that 'marry the president's daughter' loophole."
"What technologies my investors were pushing for."
"When asked I offered to have Dr. @nicolefv come give a talk and while she was here determine whether they were a low-performing team. Strangely it never came up again."

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More from @QuinnyPig

Corey Quinn Profile picture
11 Feb
Thanks for coming to work with us here at Trashfire Inc. Let me show you around the exciting aspects of our corporate culture!
Okay, you have your badge? You sure you got your ID back from the reception desk? ...sorry, the badge reader is on the fritz again. Try scanning it a few dozen more times. You've almost got it. There you go.
Sorry more folks aren't here to welcome you. This quarter everyone's heads-down on an all-company initiative: writing our performance reviews so we can all fight for the coveted 3% raises that top performers get. We do this every year.
Read 24 tweets
Corey Quinn Profile picture
10 Feb
"I hate my job, I'm going to quit and start my own company. How hard can it be?"

Oh so tremendously hard. A thread.
I said this a lot when I was consulting for an agency. "Hey they're billing the client WAY more than they're paying me; I should go direct and capture the margin!"

It's nice work if you can get it, except you can't.
Sales and marketing are actual skills. Customers don't generally fall out of the sky.

If you found a customer to go full time consulting with, you're basically an FTE without a raft of employee protections.
Read 41 tweets
Corey Quinn Profile picture
10 Feb
So this has been on my backlog for a while, let's get rid of it. @rseroter wrote an analysis of the various provider offerings' Cloud Shells. I haven't actually read it yet, but let's tear into it.

seroter.com/2021/02/03/let…
Let's start by disclaiming two biases.
1) @rseroter directs "Outbound Product Management" at GCP, so he's not exactly objective.
2) AWS's Cloud Shell came out 5 years and 2 months after GCPs, so if it's not "blow the doors off" better, then it failed.
He starts with @GCPcloud's Cloud Shell. I like how it's part of the same view, not a separate window. And you get 5GB of persistent storage to AWS's 1GB. Hmm. Image
Read 19 tweets
Corey Quinn Profile picture
9 Feb
Been a while since I put on my New User Hat. What cloud service should I work with today?

I'll pick.... @awscloud. Welcome to the hot seat! Image
Small typo there: there should really be a GIANT FREAKING ASTERISK next to "free." "Get started" drops me to the sign-in page which is also a bit disconcerting. "Create new account" is hanging out at the bottom. Image
The copy here could use some love. I'd be willing to bet the majority of first-time users aren't really clear on EC2, S3 they recognize from scary headlines, and "what the hell is a DynamoDB" is the DynamoDB team's motto. Image
Read 65 tweets
Corey Quinn Profile picture
8 Feb
Hard yes, @twitter friends.

Twitter has helped me in so many different ways; it pains me that the only way I can give back to the platform is "pay it to show ads to people who aren't interested and will block me as a result."
I mean, I'm no @kayvz (who is by all accounts incredibly sharp at this), so most of my ideas are probably terrible, but man are there some great monetization strategies here. A brief thread.
"Pay a quarter to reply to a tweet." That could go to Twitter, part of it could go to me, or it could go to a non-profit I designate. Monetizing reply-guys would be a powerful force for change.
Read 10 tweets
Corey Quinn Profile picture
5 Feb
So a thread I've been "meaning to write" for the past few years but somehow always found an excuse to avoid. No more!

My entire career (and life, really) have been shaped by ADHD. The key was finally emphasizing for things I'm good at, while avoiding the things that I'm bad at.
ADHD is a spectrum disorder. Different people have different expressions of it. This is how it affects me; I've never met someone else who had it affect them quite this way.
An analogy that stuck with me is "everyone has to hold 100 marbles at once, but they all have a bag and you don't." Medication gives you a bag with a hole in it. You still drop marbles from time to time, but it's so much better than not having one at all.
Read 30 tweets

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