Thread by @cicerfics

I am obsessed with this. OBSESSED. I cannot stop thinking about this.

It's totally crackfic territory, but oh my god. WHAT IF LWJ GOT PREGNANT LIKE THAT.

https://twitter.com/justthereforit/status/1359050865127002114

The Lan sect ribbons have mystical pregnancy properties! This is a closely guarded secret and no one outside the sect knows.

Heck, it might only be the blood members of the Lan clan whose ribbons have this property. So maybe even some of the Lan disciples don't know!

But if someone who isn't a blood relative touches the ribbon, BOOM. Instant conception! Regardless of the two parties' biological sex.

So now I'm thinking: the Cold Pond Cave.

LWJ has been extremely careful all his life to make sure nobody touches the ribbon! Even while drunk, he successfully batted WWX's hands away. He is cautious and vigilant!

But then they're in the cave, and WWX is under attack.

The only way to save him from the Chord Assassination technique is to wrap the ribbon around his wrist, thereby claiming him as a Lan spouse.

But. That also means. LWJ is gonna get pregnant.

LWJ weighs his options in a nanosecond.

Then he makes up his mind, and he wraps the ribbon around WWX.

WWX: Whew! The attack stopped! Thanks, Lan Zhan. We're safe now! 😘

LWJ: 😳😳😳

Bonus points if Lan Yi shows up and immediately spills the tea.

LWJ was thinking he might try to keep this secret for a while. Maybe he'd wait a while and consult with his family, THEN tell WWX that he's magically pregnant from the ribbon-touching.

Instead, Lan Yi is just like, "Ohh?? You let him touch your ribbon? Congrats on the baby!"

WWX: ...Huh? What baby?

LWJ: 😳😳😳

...Anyway, the whole Yin Iron thing gets sorta forgotten in the wake of this news. LWJ and WWX aren't really able to focus on the political situation, since they just found out they're going to become parents.

But they finish their talk with Lan Yi and get the Yin Iron shard.

And then they get spat out of the cave, and everyone's looking for them.

And then they have TWO pieces of important information to share with LQR and LXC.

Yin Iron, Wen Ruohan, impending political drama, etc. etc.

BUT ALSO.

HOW DO Y'ALL FEEL. ABOUT BECOMING AN UNCLE/GREAT-UNCLE.

ASKING FOR A FRIEND.

I do feel like the boys would spill the beans immediately, because they're both so shell-shocked about what just happened.

LQR qi-deviates, obviously. He's spitting up blood, physicians are running around, it's a whole mess.

Then LXC urgently summons JFM. Because, yeah, they gotta talk about the Yin Iron thing. But also.

They've got a shotgun wedding to plan! Seating charts must be made at once! A contract must be drawn up, and marriage payments agreed upon! There is no time to lose!!

Anyway, I feel like JFM agrees without hesitation.

He's extremely indulgent toward WWX, but they can't have the mutual disgrace of an out-of-wedlock pregnancy. And it isn't fair to have LWJ sent into seclusion and forced to adopt out his baby.

WWX simply has to Take Responsibility and make the best of this situation!

So they're married within, like, 24 hours of JFM's arrival. Bows, tea ceremony, signing marriage contracts. Boom. Done. Congrats to the happy couple.

For the purposes of this increasingly chaotic crack AU...let's say it DOESN'T work the way it does in Big Order.

In Big Order, the girl is instantly like eight months pregnant. We're gonna say that here, it's just a magical conception followed by a normal pregnancy.

So LWJ is knocked up, but he was married with a couple days of conception. They can pretend it was simply a "honeymoon pregnancy" rather than a shotgun wedding. ✌️

The Lan and Jiang clans can save face, and all is well!

...Except for WWX and LWJ, who have just been bundled into the marriage chamber after a whirlwind wedding.

They are now expected to consummate the marriage, even though LWJ is already pregnant.

Being Dumb Horny Teens who are already heavily crushing on each other...I feel like they figure it out.

They already want to bone, and they now have permission to bone. So I don't think it takes them too long to start using their ~marital privileges~ to the fullest.

But man, imagine what the other students are dealing with.

On Monday, WWX is pestering LWJ while LWJ glares at him.

On Thursday, they're married.

On Saturday, they're glowing newlyweds dropping hints that a baby might arrive by spring.

Wild times in Cloud Recesses.

Truly, nobody will ever forget this year's lecture series!

NHS is starry-eyed with delight and eating up all the gossip. Meanwhile, JC is having kittens.

...That's as far as I can take this concept. 😅

Let's just say they have an adorable bouncing baby nine months later. Somehow, events are rearranged to be at least 90% less tragic for everyone involved. Magic ribbon pregnancy saved the day!