Thread by @mentorshipzim

I had always considered myself a 'solid' human being but after a breakup in 2010 I lost it. I had always known it was heading to that but I didn't anticipate what happened after. I have never been that angry in my entire life.

When it finally happened I thought I was going to be okay and just leave it all behind at start over but little did I know I was just about to begin one of the worst seasons of my adult life.

The breakup itself wasn't dramatic, it was the trauma that came after that I didn't expect. In almost a flash I had started a life on my own. Immediately I knew it was not going to be okay at all.

I felt betrayed, rejected, angry, worthless, bitter, anxious, resentful and just downright hopeless. First it was a few days of sadness. The days turned into weeks and more and more I sank into a deep l, dark pit of despair and hopelessness.

It became increasingly harder to do simple things like getting out of bed, eating, returning texts, taking a bath, going to work and believe it or not..to stay sane.

Within 3 months I was a walking skeleton. I WAS NOT OKAY😢. Friday nights after work I would lock myself in and not come out of my bedroom. I would lay in bed, curtains closed, lights out and just stare into blank space. I was depressed 😢.

The few people that cared about me would call and I wouldn't pick up and eventually the calls and texts became less frequent and honestly I didn't want anyone to care because at this point I didn't even care about my own self😢.

I remember being called into the boss's office a few times to explain my poor performance and how difficult it was to explain that I was going through something that I couldn't show anyone.

I got a few warning letters after that but I really didn't care. 6 months into it I started toying around with the idea of ending my own life! Yep, I started fantasizing about dying. Surely the good book talks about how beautiful and peaceful it is on the other side.

At this point I just wanted to be free. Free from the emotional pain and turmoil I was in. I remember getting mugged in JHB one day and they took my wallet, I wasn't scared, but disappointed that they didn't finish me off😢.

From then on I knew it was just a matter of time before i gathered enough courage to end my own life and yes that day came. I looked online the most effective way to do it and pills would be best option. Did the deed....it really just made me sick and may have passed out.

A friend of mine by what may have been a miracle found me and got me help and for the first time I spoke about what was going on to another human being. I remember crying in the presence of another man for the first time in my life, I was desperate to be free from pain

In the next few months that followed I endured life, attempted to end my own life for the second time, but this time I actually called my friend to come and this was proof that a part of me still wanted to live.

My first source of help was church. My friend would drag me to counseling and it did help a bit although in hindsight they could have been more practical and less spiritual. Most times the solutions we need go beyond just prayer

My healing took years to come but mostly because there wasn't ready help for mental and emotional issues especially being a man. Men struggle to find safe spaces to get healing. Society simply does not allow men to heal, it's really that simple.

Our domestication as men does not allow us to acknowledge our wounds because that would be a 'female' thing to do. We equate being emotional to being weak and no man wants to be viewed as weak.

We care so much about how we are viewed in society. I dare say most women do not want an emotional man because they have also been domesticated to what a 'real' man should look like. Don't believe? Try crying in the presence of your woman and see how that goes

Lessons leant on my journey are:every human being is emotional, that's what makes us human. Toxic emotions are living things that cannot be buried alive. If they are not dealt with they will come back and deal with us in so many different ways.

The state of your mental health is affecting everything about your life.

87 to 95% of visits to a doctor in this day and age are caused by stress related illnesses in other mental health related conditions.

Stress is meant to be temporary fight or flight mechanism to help us deal with everyday situations but living in continual stress weakens the immune system and opens the floodgates of sickness to come in

If your relationships are messed up its a sure sign that your mental and emotional health needs checking. Good, healthy relationships are a product of good mental health.

Emotional wounds that have not been dealt with will make you overly sensitive in the same way that a broken leg that has not been treated will become sensitive even to normal contact with others. Being touchy makes it hard to interact with other humans.

Your mental health will affect how successful you are generally. If you have wounds from the past that have not been dealt with, it puts a handbrake on your progress. Releasing the handbrake allows you to progress faster

Your emotions are dashboard signals of what's going on the mind. Don't ignore what they are teaching you. When a light flashes on the dashboard in the form of anger, bitterness etc, stop and ask 'what is is this revealing about my wounds'

Develop a strong awareness of your emotions. Instead of trying to suppress negative emotions, welcome them and pay attention to what they are teaching you. They are just messengers and they are not the problem. Emotions are generated by thoughts so check your thoughts.

When your wounds have been revealed to you, do not judge yourself, in a spirit of gratitude for the awareness, start seeking the necessary help😊.

Value awareness and practice mental hygiene. Stay mentally fit, minimize your intake of news, practice meditation, read and have a to do list for everyday, practice gratitude, switch off your phone for a few hours daily and connect with your people physically.

Crying is healthy, have a good cleansing when you need to. Crying and talking about stuff are like throwing up, it heals the soul. Have at least one person you trust enough to open up to.

One of the most powerful questions you can ask another human being is: ARE YOU OKAY? This question opens up the door to conversation that could lead to healing for someone.

Lastly, LOVE is the default setting for every human being. If someone is not acting loving towards you, IT'S A CRY FOR HELP. Don't take it personally. You only get love or a cry for help from humans, there's nothing in between. THANK YOU, I LOVE YOU.

I will be back later to talk about my organisation but feel free to ask any questions you may have.