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Oliver Willis Profile picture
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17 Feb, 7 tweets, 1 min read
"deregulation nation"
"Baby gates as firewood? That's what happens in the deregulated America Republicans want for you and your family" - the opening monologue on my mythical liberal cable news show on Libnet
"In America, baby gates are to protect children, to keep them safe, but when Republicans are allowed to deregulate everything, they become firewood to keep us warm. Because the lights are out. And your family is freezing."

(could do it in that same sing-song cadence as Tucker)
"Sensible people know you have to regulate important things, because leaving something vital like the power -- the power -- to some faceless corporate stooge is just stupid. And yet, this is what Republicans did to you. It's absurd."
(ill probably write up more of these until people get it)
(who wants to be the appealing face to read my monologues for youtube?)
not really joking, im not a performer but i can do the words

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More from @owillis

Oliver Willis Profile picture
18 Feb
"I was on a fact finding trip to see which sand from Cancun I could transport to Texas to assist in relief efforts. Yeah. That's it." #TedCruzExcuses
"I was meeting in Cancun with a drug lord contact who promised to give me the contents of Hunter Biden's laptop." #TedCruzExcuses
"AOC had me drugged and kidnapped, I woke up on a beach in Cancun with a drink in my hand and no memory of what happened. I ask you to respect my family's privacy at this time." #TedCruzExcuses
Read 5 tweets
Oliver Willis Profile picture
17 Feb
the way this would work is limbaugh had his "stack" of news stories. he'd read off some of the real story, or play a clip, but then kind of like a sportscaster, he'd stop and say "but what theyre really saying is this" (which would be some right wing bs).
to his audience, in a world of legitimately confusing information, this would be like the light in the darkness. all their weird feelings could be explained as a legit reaction to what they saw as deranged liberal behavior. "im not feeling racism, the msm just says i am" etc
they all do it. alex jones does it all the time. its what tucker does every night. ive had the pet theory for a long time that in some alt reality, limbaugh could have come up with an equally compelling left-wing narrative. he used his legit power for very evil ends.
Read 6 tweets
Oliver Willis Profile picture
17 Feb
the role limbaugh played was digesting the news and telling his listeners how to see the news through his skewed pov. fox basically serves that function now but his role was in telling them they cant trust the media and he'd chew it up and regurgitate it in chunks for them.
here's a goofball to prove my point. dude i wish i had never listened to rush limbaugh's entire program (and folks like @zpleat have listened to a lot more than me) but i have def listened to his whole stupid show. Image
i worked at mmfa from 2004-17, ive listened to full episodes of every dumb dope's show.
Read 4 tweets
Oliver Willis Profile picture
17 Feb
in the early days of mmfa we were the first ones to actually listen to limbaugh and report back to people on it. literally nobody had ever bothered to do it before in a systematic daily way.
and one of the most hilarious (not actually) bits was whenever we would inevitably report on his racism, misogyny, or straight up lying, he and his cult followers would insist you had to be there for all 3 hrs of his horrific show to "get it."
thats actually where he came up with his dumb phrase about the "drive by media," cause he was very upset that mmfa was exposing him and getting him written up by others who didnt bother to slog through hours of his hate.
Read 7 tweets
Oliver Willis Profile picture
17 Feb
to be honest the real disney villain prequel i want is "scar: before the mark."

get into the psychology of why he hates his brother so much he'd kill him, his complicated identity issues where he identifies more with hyenas, how that accent developed. disney i am available.
"Meet your new cubs: Mufasa... and Scar."

SCAR (whispered)
I'm going to kill him some day...
"It's like The Crown, but for lions" - me pitching Disney+ on my Scar series
Read 4 tweets
Oliver Willis Profile picture
17 Feb
They are still doing palace intrigue reporting for 45, even though hes no longer in the palace. What's the excuse now?
"A source familiar tells the Times that Trump took two dumps today, one that could be characterized as 'major,' while the second, though considerably righteous, did not rise to the level of a major bathroom event. I have a Pulitzer."
"Roger Stone, who has been my background source for years, tells the Times that Trump's anal ragers position him as the 'bathroom alpha' ahead of the 2024 primary. This is the kind of stuff I put in the most important newspaper in the world. Amazing, right?"
Read 4 tweets

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