The funerary industry is incredibly predatory. When my dad died a few years ago the bills for even the most basic things were eye popping, and the quotes for services were just off the wall crazy. It’s an embarrassment.
They rely on you being at the lowest moment of your life and use car dealer style tactics to pressure you into paying for services and upgrades that don’t really matter that you can’t really afford. It’s repellent behavior.
I think of things like the state board of embalmers and funeral directors in Louisiana trying to stop monks from selling relatively inexpensive caskets to the public. The board is made up primarily of embalmers and funeral home directors.…
My dad didn’t want a service in part because two of my siblings haven’t talked in years and he didn’t want to make things hard for my mom, but the price tags we were quoted made it impossible anyways. It’s shocking.

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More from @torriangray

21 Feb
My dad used to take us to play basketball at a court in Yorba Linda a few nights a week. It was a good time generally, but my dad’s competitive nature ended up embarrassing us more often than not.
Sometimes it was a mild embarrassment, for instance he would frequently over exert himself until he threw up, then sprint back onto the court insisting he was fine as vomit still dribbled down his chin.

Hell of a way to get space in the post, really.

Other times it was severe.
There was a guy who played there now and again with one hand. He had a nice shot, but it took him awhile to load up because he had to balance the ball on his hand and steady it with his stump before firing off his shot. It was a bit of an operation and people gave him space.
Read 7 tweets
20 Feb
I don't know whether my childhood was weirder than most or if I just notice weird things. I think it's a bit of both. Being one six kids doesn't help. When you roll the dice six times you're bound to get a few assholes. That doesn't explain my cousins though.
A good example of weirdness would be the branch of our family near Anoka. My mom's brother is a nudist and pulled his whole unfortunate family into that lifestyle with him, including his two adopted children.
So every summer they'd pack up their station wagon and truck up north to expose every square inch of their pasty white skin to mosquito attack while they engaged in volleyball and a variety of other ball sports.
Read 10 tweets
17 Feb
So new followers, I'm afraid we're going to have to talk about Alf at some point.
When I see a very, very bad tweet on this app (usually from Ted Cruz) I will reply with a photo of Alf. It is very important that you do not click on this photo and expand it. No matter how curious you are what that full image may reveal DO NOT CLICK IT.
If you do a flood of thoughts will rush through your head:

1. Why did I not listen?
2. Why does his penis look like that?
3. Actually that makes complete sense.

Soon after will come acceptance.
Read 5 tweets
17 Feb
Since I'm discussing my brother and it's gaining me a ton of followers, I may as well sabotage it by telling you one of the worst stories I have about him. Especially since I have photo documentation of this one.
My brother is a Baptist minister, but humans contain multitudes so he's also an absolute pornography fiend. One of my earliest brother drama memories was him racking up a giant phone sex bill and my dad having to call the phone company and dispute it.
He told them that his son didn't have permission to access those kinds of numbers. Technically true, but he left out the fact that his son was like 22 or something and on leave from serving as ballast aboard the USS Truxton.
Read 17 tweets
17 Feb
People are under the impression that my brother is in a compound or something? It’s literally just him and his wife in a suburban house. He just plays pretend army with his church pals on weekends. The they in that thread is him and his wife.
I probably shouldn’t address stuff like that but I’ve seen some comments that made me go what
Kind of because it would be the most commitment he’s shown to anything in his life. This is the man who got booted out of the navy because he didn’t get leave approved to go to a wedding so he just left and decided he wouldn’t come back. Yeah, that’s how that works dude.
Read 4 tweets
16 Feb
so my eldest brother, who is a moron, has been playing soldier with his moron friends in the deserts of texas for the last year preparing for the collapse of civilization if biden won (lol). they were burying food and ammo stashes out in the desert, running drills, crazy stuff
this included getting a cb license so he could be their lifeline to other groups of white idiots when the cell towers all went offline. wouldn't want to violate federal law while communicating with your resistance groups after the fall of the federal government i guess.
anyways, you would assume given that they've been prepping for the end of the world for at least a year they're well situated to ride out the rolling blackouts right?

Read 14 tweets

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