Thread by @beewol

Ugandan Companies/institutions at a Girls Night Out.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Issa Thread!

UMEME - Arrived late for the party because she couldn’t iron her favorite dress; no electricity. She passed by her friends in Ntinda, Kiwatule & Najjera for help but is overweight & can’t fit in any of their dresses. She’s wearing a creased grey dress that’s 3 sizes too small.

Vision Group - extremely nonchalant and unbothered member of the group. She’s not too worried about what she wears, she’s only there for the food and drinks. Contributes the least to the bill but eats and drinks the most. Came in a large dress handed down to her by her mother.

Safeboda - Loves showing up being chauffeured by her guy who has never told her the truth that he’s actually an Uber driver. This time she had to take a Boda because her guy disappointed her, yet again. He lied that he was sick but he had a client trip to Ebbs. She’s gutted.

NWSC - Has strong body odor so she makes sure she showers at least twice a day. Today she didn’t shower because water had run out. She decided to wear 3 different perfumes to disguise the scent. It’s turned into an absolute mess. Was the first to arrive in a Pretty Blue Dress.

Next Media - Openly unapologetic gossip & troll of the group. Shares a lot of gossip, half truths & sensitive secrets among the girls. Deep down she really wants to be liked by everyone & often cries herself to sleep because she is single and lonely. Addicted to watching soaps.

MTN - Has a great sense of humour and is great company. Addicted to shisha and can not go a day without it. Isn’t always able to afford it & will do whatever it takes to get a few puffs. Sells dildos and other sex toys as a side hustle to be able to fund her shisha addiction.

NSSF - Has wealthy parents who love to spoil her every now and again. Sadly, she’s not generous herself. Some of the girls think she’s stingy, some think she’s just mean. Deep down she’s just a miser. At the party, she faked a phone call & disappeared when the bill arrived.

DStv - Very fashion forward member of the group. Loves to dress up, just to prove a point. Has all kinds of outfits and usual lends her dresses to the girls. Spends countless hours on Snapchat and TikTok slaying & being bomb. Arrived with 4 changing outfits in her bag.

Airtel - Has all the brains and wit but is socially awkward, especially around guys. Sweats, panics & gets her words mixed up whenever she’s around boys. Prefers to be in the company of women at all times. Still a virgin. Might secretly be a lesbian but isn’t aware of it yet.

Uganda Breweries - FOMO Queen of the group. Made all plans and bookings for the party. Ordered for shots & yelled - “Let’s Get Wasted!” but never really got drunk herself. She’s a drunkard but no one has ever seen her drunk. Has a gallery full of her girls passed out & drunk.

URA - Gorgeous & elegant. She’s the most beautiful woman in the room but as usual, ‘forgot her wallet at home’ after she ‘lost her ATM card’ last week. Has 3 boyfriends all funding her but is always asking the girls if they have a ‘loose 50k’. Tonight she’s broke, again.

Sadolin Paints - the make up Queen of the group. Will not leave her house until she has worn several layers of make up. Says she does it because it makes her feel good but deep down it’s because she doesn’t feel adequate enough. The only girl wearing fenty products at the party.

UCC - Admin of the Girls WhatsApp Group. Will quickly throw out anyone who does not agree with her. She added 2 of her sisters despite protests from other girls that no relatives should be invited to the party. A new WhatsApp Group is secretly being formed without her.

Africell - Young, beautiful & bubbly member of the group. Has a sexy accent which she developed while studying in Toulouse - Southern France. Her course was cut short because she ‘had other plans for life’. Has never told people the truth that she was deported for lewd behaviour.

NMG - very insightful & well read girl, this one. Feminist of the group. Often reminds the girls not to settle for less when it comes to men. Has been through a fair share of heartbreaks so she now swears by feminism: lives & breathes it. Also the only girl whose been to jail.

UTL - The oldest girl of the group. Has celebrated her 25th birthday 6 times. Hates to be reminded that she’s old. Party started at 7pm and by 7:40pm she was tired. Still insists on ‘please pick me from Kulambiro’. Always dresses in khaki, says it’s because of the Kulambiro dust.

Betway - Sports Freak of the group. Showed up for the party in a Uganda Cranes jersey even though it was dinner-dress-day. Would rather skip dinner with the girls than miss the Australian Open, F1 or Rugby. Rides a bike & plays basketball in her spare time. Doesn’t wear make up.

Centenary Bank - Comes from a humble background but hates to be reminded of it. Originally called Nakawunde Magdalene Teopista but has since changed her name to NakMaTe. Arrived late for the party because she was busy getting another NakMaTe tattoo, this time on the inner thigh.