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Raffi Melkonian Profile picture
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23 Feb, 5 tweets, 2 min read
You... you can't file a motion for fees from your own client. That's not a thing. Nope. Not allowed.
Writing this sentence in a case where *you* asked the Court to appoint Denethor to run the United States is bold. Heavens.
I am extremely confident the Court does not want his flash drive.
No lawyer has ever written this much about his sleep in a series of filings.

OK, I'm stopping. This is not worth our time. But I needed the laugh.
Seriously though. if you wanted to demonstrate in a just a few pieces of paper how much trouble you can get into in Court, this case would suffice.

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More from @RMFifthCircuit

Raffi Melkonian Profile picture
20 Feb
My son was born unexpectedly early with some complications. Finally, I got to the hospital to take them home, car seat thrown in the back. As baby was waiting inside, I started struggling to put it in the back. A man watched silently. 1/
After a couple of minutes I was dripping in sweat, it was upside down, one side wasn't clipped in.

Finally the guy stepped up. "I have five. Let me."

I wish I knew who that guy was so I could send him something.
To be clear, he’s bigger now. This was years ago. I know how to install a car seat now.
Read 4 tweets
Raffi Melkonian Profile picture
30 Jan
What is *this*?

ca5.uscourts.gov/opinions/pub/1… Image
I take it the 9 old people on the Potomac is Scotus. Image
Also, point of order, they are not all old!
Read 4 tweets
Raffi Melkonian Profile picture
22 Jan
Guys, an actual filing in federal court is asking for the court to establish the Stewardship of Gondor in the absence of Aragorn. No, I'm not joking. courtlistener.com/recap/gov.usco… h.t @questauthority
Needless to say, the federal district court is not going appoint Denethor II to run the United States.
Oh, I went to find out if they had suggested some Stewards. They had. It's Trump's cabinet!

Seriously, I will be startled if an order to show cause threatening discipline does not issue from the Court.
Read 6 tweets
Raffi Melkonian Profile picture
22 Jan
I’ve now listened to this. Texas got an extremely positive bench - mostly “tell us why you win” questions. Appellees were under siege from the get go.

With all usual caveats about tea leaves, it seems clear to me the en banc CA5 will hold Texas’s SB8 is facially constitutional.
Sb8, in most relevant part, bans what Texas would call dismemberment abortion, and what I think the other side would call dilation and evacuation procedures (without prior “fetal demise”)
To give a flavor of it, Judge Jones at one point asked Appellees’ counsel about abortions yielding body parts for sale, and explained that even in high school you kill the frog before taking it apart.
Read 6 tweets
Raffi Melkonian Profile picture
21 Jan
A good rant on hours and such.

A quick anecdote I might have told. As maybe a 2nd year associate, I went to complain to a partner that I'd billed 300 hours 3 months in a row, and I was about toast. First he said I was being whiny, but after a bit of that he noted that 1/
Even at the sort of crazy place I worked, top performers used to bill 1800 hours a year. Partly, that had to do with the fact that the firm just needed to generate so much more $$$ to be competitive, but there was another thing - computers. 2/
I was in corporate then. So, he said, imagine how practice used to be. You'd get a proposed contract. You'd mark it up by hand. Late night. But then you gave it to the typing and redlining people. Reprieve. You'd do the cycle again. Late night. 3/
Read 12 tweets
Raffi Melkonian Profile picture
19 Jan
History side-note moment: I read this 1776 report. I'll leave to others the various errors and whatnot. But it is a singularly bad piece of writing. Like how I wrote as a first year college student, but before my teacher told me to try again.

whitehouse.gov/wp-content/upl…
I keep scrolling expecting to find a sentence that begins "Webster's defines America as...."

But what is actually there is bad enough. For example, what is an immortal banner?
This makes us sound like children.
Read 11 tweets

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