Thread by @rafiziramli

My dearest Ben -

Daddy cannot sleep (again!), with your hand on my face deep in your sleep, I thought I spend the night saying things I had always wanted to say to you.

You are the best achievement of my life; whatever you grow up to be.

#thread

#tweetsforBen

I remember the first time holding you in my arms and I instantly cried.

There was nothing more beautiful than your little eyes looking into mine.

I knew from that moment that I didn’t deserve you.

You taught me the meaning of unconditional love.

I struggled from day one to be someone worthy of you, yet everything about you remind me of Allah’s mercy.

You came into my life while I was busy searching for some meanings; and through you I found the meaning of life.

I was hardly around in the first few years you were around.

I didn’t wake up to feed you.

I wasn’t around to console you when you were scared.

And yet in your little ways you always made me feel so loved when we were together.

You grew up so fast that at times I felt Mommy had to babysit two boys at home.

You put “home” in my heart each time you asked “what time are you coming back Daddy” and you tied me to home.

I feel home each time you are around.

You remind me of my vulnerabilities growing up, yet you have every bit of Mommy’s composure and maturity.

You can be a control freak in wanting your way like me, but you have Mommy’s patience to accept things that you cannot change.

I am worried sick that you inherit my bad traits and baggage.

But I am comforted that your role model is your mother because she is the best influence in your life.

I am forever happy to be your best friend for life.

I am sorry that many times my body is with you but my mind is elsewhere.

I pray that one day you will understand and I know you will love me come what may, just as I will always love you no matter what you choose to be.

It breaks my heart each time I see you cry, yet I know it was the tears of determination to do better.

You bring so much warmth each time you say “I am sorry Mommy” even for the littlest mishap, even when it’s not your fault.

I want you to know that you will choose your own path in life.

I don’t wish anything but happiness for you.

Take a road less traveled if you must, Mommy and Daddy will always be there to catch you when you fall.

Don’t fear the unknowns for they open up possibilities.

Embrace kindness and extend courtesy even to people who don’t deserve it, because it is for the peace of your heart (and not for others).

When you find love one day, go for it even if it hurts so much.

When you are hurt, remember that it is the sad parts of our life that make us appreciate everything else.

Happiness is intoxicating, but sadness allows you to reflect.

I wish you won’t make the mistakes that I did in life; yet I hope you see my mistakes as life iterations to navigate.

Don’t fear mistakes and failures. We can only learn by making mistakes and coming to terms with failures.

When life throws you curve balls, don’t get trapped into self-pity.

Catch the ball if you can, but if you get hit by it nurse your bruise so that you understand pain; for it is the pain that makes one man tougher than the rest.

We’ll always protect you, but it is in your interest to go out there and take life challenges on your own merit.

Be at peace that you don’t need to compete with anyone or meet anyone’s expectation.

There is only you in this universe and you are irreplaceable no matter you play

I hope what I don’t know how to say to you directly, I make it up by the sheer unspoken love that I shower you every day.

I pray that you grow up surrounded by love and care; the way you hug me when I am sad to tell me “I love you Daddy” without any prompting.

I don’t want you to grow up so that your hand and your foot will always be on my face and body every night when we sleep.

But I know you will soon grow up to be a star that brighten our life. And I don’t want to miss a second of that light you shine upon us.

I love you Ben.

Whatever may come after this, I want you to know that you are the best thing that ever happened to me.

Whatever my flaws as a parent, I pray that I will improve every day to make it up to you.

Good night Ben.