Thread by @starklyjd

Because apparently only ONE PERSON that isn't me has strong feelings about Pokemon, I present:

The Star Trek Cookout- A Thread.

Let's do this...

Nyota Uhura is invited to the cookout. Duh. She the first one on the list. She family. Can't be a cookout without her. HOWEVER she don't bring a dish. Y'all can either have her bring her voice or she can bring a dish, but she ain't doing both. That's why you got other guests.

Spock... is only invited because of his sister. Boy isn't cook out material on his own, but folks vouched for him so we gonna let it ride this once. He brings a vegetarian dish like a salad. Ain't bad but, it ain't the highlight either. Feed it to the children or something.

Of course Bones is invited to the cook out. This Georgia Peach will walk in with his bourbon beans that you can't feed them children and a Mint Julep for himself. He will then proceed to shit talk with everyone about everyone. Bones is a delight.

Chekov.... is not invited to the Cookout. He too horny on the main for a family cookout. And he's bound to start some shit talking about how Spades was invented in Russia or something. So for his safety, no.

Scott was vouched for by Uhura, so he's invited to the cookout. I mean, he's delightful and earns points for bringing booze, but it's that Engine Room hooch that hits harder than a Vulcan left hook. I don't know if he's getting a second invite tho.

Let me preface this by saying: I DON'T CARE!

KIRK'S ONLY INVITED TO THE COOK OUT BECAUSE SISKO WANTED HIM! He is actually too eh for a cookout on his own. And you know the food he brings is something like Maid-Rite sandwiches or Rhubarb pie. It's all very Iowan. But whatever.

Sulu is so chill, how could you not invite him to the cook out? He understands the cookout protocol. Comes in, says some hellos, puts down his food, continues to chat with folks. Maybe a dance a bit. Even brings them Yakitori things on the stick. We love Sulu at a cook out.

M'Benga is invited to the cookout. & we gonna be all in his business. Got his doctorate and shit. Working on a starship. Ooh! But why he single? You got two camps in this fight: "Let him play the field" vs "You best settle down before you get caught up." Also, he brought coleslaw

Chapel is invited to the cookout. Not only is she Uhura's friend, but she spends her days around Bones. She knows how to behave at a cookout. Even did the good thing and brought chips to go with the burgers rather than real food because we don't know her cooking. We respect that.

Alright. That's TOS. Anyone not mentioned, probably not invited to the cook out. Rand might've been, but she don't want to be around Kirk.

Anyways....

PICARD IS NOT INVITED TO THE COOK OUT!

There ain't a damn thing he could do to get invited Sisko's Cook Out, and it is Sisko's Cook Out. We don't want your English French Locutus ass at this cook out. You want an invite? Ask Jennifer Sisko. Oh wait! You can't!

Crusher? Not invited. She cool, but she's close to Picard, so that's a no. We need a Picard neutral place to shit talk him. Wesley? Also not invited. We didn't invite his momma. It would be rude to invite him.

Riker? Not invited to cook out. He's there. He helped carry in some groceries from the car and then asked if he cook help cook. Next thing you know he's made pizza and it's good. But like... you were never invited over here? He definitely Urkel's his way into things.

Deana, not invited to the cookout, but respectful about it. She will stop by when she notices her man AND her momma is there just living it up when she was looking for them. Get herself an invited to stay, but politely decline and hope everyone has a nice evening.

Geordi was invited to the cookout. Geordi is also the reason Data is invited to the cookout because he vouches for him. Even helps Data bring something good to the cookout: Extra ice. Because you always run out. Geordi brings Bariis Iskukaris because y'all he from Somalia.

Guinan is at the cookout. Not invited, but NEEDED at the cookout. She's that second line of defense you need if you are going to throw a cookout. If she weren't there, we wouldn't be doing this cookout. She also a little heavy handed with that booze. Beware the jungle juice.

Worf may have been invited, may have been Jadzia's plus one because she decided she was invited before Ben could. He's the responsible one that brings plates and cups. Napkins. Jadzia just brought dice, dominoes and cards because SHE'S MESSY! We love her though.

O'Brien is invited to the Cookout. Honestly, I can't say why except for the fact that he's Irish & they cool. Ain't nothing special about him. They're just fun people & good for hanging out. Lightens the mood. Also brings cottage pie. It's not cook out food, but it's good.

Julian Bashir is invited to the cookout. You got invite tink tink to the party. I mean, yeah, he's obnoxious until you get some drinks in him, but he mellows out for a bit afterwards. Definitely forgets to bring a dish and does that weird English polite panic about it all night.

Garak is Julian's date to the cookout. Which is a shock to Julian when he learns this half way through. This is why Julian stops being chill even with a few drinks in him. Garak has a blast though. Humans are highly entertaining. Also, he brought the stuff for root beer floats.

As I said, this is a Sisko cookout. Joseph made jambalya, Ben is on the grill and Jake... boiled the potatoes for the potato salad before his family took over because he was smash the eggs wrong. How you smash boiled eggs wrong, only Ben and Joe know.

If you haven't realized the full DS9 crew is invited to the cookout so of course Kira is invited. Duh! She brings cake. Store bought because she knows she can't cook and she's not trying. Moral of the story: know your limits and don't be afraid to just buy something.

So because Nog was invited to the cook out, Rom and Quark were invited. And we ain't got no problem with Rom, but let's be real: Quark wasn't getting an invite on his. He shady as hell. They don't bring a dish because Leeta covers it. Thank God.

Leeta being invited to the cook out is expected. However, her bringing macaroni salad isn’t expected. Now you still know it’s not seasoned super well but girl tried real hard and is sweet. So we just gonna take a spoonful and move it around the plate a little so she feels loved.

Kasidy isn’t just at the cook out, she is having a whole battle with Sisko about the way he’s doing them hot dogs because there’s a certain char to dog ratio you gotta get right. You know she’s the only one who could get away with even looking at his meats side ways though.

Ezri is invited to the cook out. But she’s at that Jake level where she can only help. She can peel potatoes, stir food, hell she can even bring the sodas. But uh... Maybe don’t let her cook. Nothing against Ezri, but would trust any Dax to cook for you?

Janeway isn’t invited to the cookout. Nothing personal but she don’t have that cookout energy. In fact she’s like a black hole of cook out energy. Plus someone is bound to get drunk and mention Tuvix and start some shit so... We just gonna not.

Shit! Forgot to mention: Martok is invited to the cook out! He’s just so fun. Probably the only person who can get Worf to lighten the fuck up since Jadzia is trying to hustle folks at the dominoes. But the man has great stories and a certain something something we want.

Back to Voyager: Tuvok was invited to the cookout because we are polite, but y’all know Tuvok ain’t really show up. Might bring some corn salad, make his hellos and then bounce after a solid 60 minutes. If he shows up at all.

Chakotay? Not invited to the cook out. Ain’t a damn thing about that man that says he’s gonna be fun at a cook out. Probably has some fancy dinner party plans with Janeway anyways.

Do I need to explain why Neeliz isn’t invited to the cook out?

The EMH isn’t invited to the cook out. He’s good people but he ain’t cookout good. Plus he bound to say something slick and then shut is going to go down.

B’Elana and Paris are invited to the cookout as a couple. They are not allowed to show up without the other because they only make a cook out worthy person when together. Alone? No way in hell.

Harry Kim is invited to the cookout. In fact, Harry Kim is the Lieutenant of the cookout. We gonna protect this little southern boy. And he gonna bring the best double fried chicken you ever had. You gonna hear and feel the crunch of it. Damn.

Honestly ain’t no one else from Voyager worth mentioning at this moment so we moving on to Enterprise...

(I got you fam. I ain’t forget girl but not yet.)

Mayweather is invited to the cookout. Again, he fam. But also, boy got some stories. He gonna be moving too. Playing them games, getting himself a plate or four, cutting up. What did he bring? Cornbread. Simple, out of the box shit but we gonna allow it.

Because it was asked: HELL NO Q AIN’T INVITED TO THE COOKOUT.

And it’s not that he wasn’t invited but that he knows not to show up. He fucked around and found out once already. He ain’t doing it again.

Archer... not invited to the cookout. Look, I was half tempted to invite him for the dog (because Porthos is invited to all cookouts) but nah. Sorry. He right on that cusp but nah. Not cookout material. We respect him but we don’t want to get down with him.

Trip, however, gets the Southern approval for the cook out. He asked if he should bring catfish or hush puppies then brought both because he swears they are a dish. Which, fine. He say they a meal? They a meal. However, he try to use something other than Tabasco and we fighting.

T’Pol is invited because she is Trip’s date. She brings Pecan Pie that we all know that Trip made because baby boy loves his pecan pie. She will eat Spock’s salad and hang with him. She does not have a great time tbh.

Malcolm was not invited to the cookout but Trip made a plea and Mayweather co-signed so we gonna allow him to show his face. Damn fool brings pineapple upside down cake despite being allergic, but you can’t fault him because it’s a damn good cake. Still ain’t cookout worthy alone

Hoshi is invited. Girl knows all the tea because she speaks all the languages. Got a wild streak. Not to mention you know she brings something she done obsessed over like Katsu. Not because she’s worried but because she heard Sulu would be there and she gonna show him up.

Phlox is the anti-Neelix so he’s invited to the cook out. I mean, homie is that fun kind of weird that you need at a party for the sake of possibilities. Anything can happen with him around.

Also he brought a green bean casserole. Don’t know why. But you know it makes sense.

Shran isn’t invited to the cook out. Cookouts are for good vibes only—less you playing spades or something—and Shran don’t bring them good vibes. Sorry to that man.

I already said that he would be invited. I just really think Porthos is a little cutie patoot of a puppers. That pooch can steal all the cheese at the cookout.

And I know I’m forgetting the Mako boy and Phlox’s girlfriend but A, Mako boy ain’t invited to the cook out. Bye.

Secondly, Phlox came alone. Whether or not he leaves alone is his business and we stay out of grown folks business at this cookout.

Let’s start off by saying Michael is invited to the cookout and takes that seriously. Tries (and fails) to make a number of dishes before Book makes Mac and cheese. Sorry but girl gives strong “not the best cook” energy so he picking up the slack.

That’s love.

Tilly invited to the cook out and brings cake. Is there already cake? Yes. But first off, it’s not hummingbird cake. Secondly, you can’t have too much cake. That’s like not a thing a human has ever managed to do ever. Sorry. That’s like having too much love.

Stamets is a cookout date because Hugh is the only reason he is invited. Hugh brings mofongo to give the event a little Island flavor. He also brings some tunes because he gonna show off on the dance floor once you get a drink in him.

Ash is not invited to the cookout. Between Hugh being there and Michael bringing her new man, no way in hell we setting up this drama show. Sorry but hell no.

Lorca is not invited. Turns out Southern boys still have to be good eggs in order to get invited. Plus, I mean, look have you seen him open a fortune cookie? No one who does that deserves a cookout invite because they are cookie smashing monsters.

Georgiou...Yes to Prime, no to Mirror. Sorry not sorry but Mirror Georgiou is a little too free with her mouth and fists when sober. Y’all think we inviting her to get turnt at the cookout? Now Prime Georgiou, she would be welcome and probably bring Satay or Charsiew. Help clean.

Saru... Look, we invited him on the grounds of pity. We want him to feel welcome but man you gotta shake your head at how awkward he can be. I mean, he definitely tries. Probably brings like a blueberry parfait or something. But he still got a long way to go.

You know what? The whole Disco Bridge crew gets invited because they all got that swagger and we already know they know how to party. In fact, other than DS9, this may be the only other crew to get a full invite. I don’t even care what they bring. But Detmer brings currywurst.

Admiral Cornwell? Not invited. Nice lady. Sweet woman. But still ain’t invited. She gives bad vibes. Not “raisins in potato salad” vibes like Kai Winn, but still unseasoned food vibes that ain’t flying today.

Admiral Vance, was invited but declined because he understands people need their space to be themselves. And honestly he has work to do. But he’s touched that we thought of him.

I know I tend to skip over saying the whole family is invited, but given that Gray and Adira are Hugh’s babies with Stamets, they are invited. Even if we can’t see Gray, we invited him out of respect to Adira. Neither are obligated to bring anything because they are childrens.

So onto Picard...

I DONT CARE IF HE IS AS DEAD AS JENNIFER! HIS REPLICA AINT INVITED EITHER!

We petty at the cookout.

Anyways... Raffi is definitely invited to the cookout. Like we gonna have a good time without Raffi? Please. Granted she only brings some liquor and her date, but hell, we’ll accept that.

Speaking of that date: Seven is invited to the cookout. She needed time to grow and adjust, but she done blossomed into a hot mess of a woman who brought fruit salad. Why? I don't know and I'm not questioning it. Just happy to see her.

Elnor.... Again, you gotta invite the babies. So he's there. He is confused. He is a little too honest about Leeta's dish so maybe we should keep an eye on him. But he seems like he would have a good time.

Look, I don’t know if you clued into this but all my sexy Latine fam is invited to this cook out. So Rios is there. He brought arepas and them hips and honestly, we would’ve settled for them hips alone.

Agatha wasn’t even considered for an invite. Ríos ain’t allowed to invite her as a date either. We don’t trust her. However, we will play that Agatha All Along trap Remix because it slaps.

Soji requires Daj. Because Daj is invited to the cookout because she was the fun twin. She would bring something to the party. Soji? Bit of a nerd. And all our nerds need someone fun to balance them out. Don’t want either bringing food though.

Y’all know Romulans ain’t coming to this cook out. Let’s not even front. Narek and his creepy ass sister can stay on their cube living lifestyles of Weird and Lannister.

Hugh is invited to the cookout because we welcome all Hughs at this cookout. Boy always deserved better. Lesser we can do is give him a plate of food with the good pieces of meat. Not them mostly burnt ones you feed the folks you don’t like.

Next up because I forgot him: ODO IS AT THE COOKOUT!

WHY?

Because Odo is the only one who remembered to bring bug spray. And I don’t know if you ever been to a cook out but you need that.

Just watch what you say around him because he a cop.

I’ve been avoiding this but... Chris Pike was not invited to the cookout. He hasn’t proven himself to be cool out cool enough yet. Maybe when Strange New Worlds drops he can get an invite but not right now.
(I’m sorry.)

Weirdly, Number One is invited. I know we saw less of her than Pike, but we fuck with a woman who uses habanero sauce like It’s ketchup. She seem cool. But she only one got once chance and if she fucks up she gone.

Y’all asked and: No, Laris and a Zhaban ain’t invited. It’s not even about the Romulan thing. It’s that they don’t seem the type to fully dick on JL. They like the man and we respect that. But much like with Crusher, that means they ain’t invited.

Mariner is invited but so is Carol. Both find it distracting to know that the other is there. Like Beckett is trying to get lit, but her mom is THERE. Carol, trying to talk, but guess who's being extra?! Anyways, Carol brought greens. Mariner brought two bags of Hawaiian rolls.

And since Mariner vouches for Boimler on the low, he is invited. But given that he's Boimler, he panics that he's going to bring something that someone else has already brought or that everyone hates. So he brings chips of varying types and guac, both spicy and unspicy.

Tendi is invited to the cookout and she brings Ambrosia Salad! Look, if you like it, you eat it, but man that stuff looks weird and there is definite hesitancy. Not that she notices because she has to make friends with everyone before the night ends.

Ransom is not invited to the cookout. No. Just no. He's so on all the time. And you know he's going to bring his guitar and try to tell every woman the time he spent in Barcelona and how it taught him to Eat, Pray, Love or some shit. Sorry, but hard pass.

Rutherford is invited to the cook out. Probably brings something odd, but delightful like tacos. You don't see many tacos at a cookout, but you know what? Goes well with that guac Boimler brought so we gonna embrace him and his weird. Let this cookout exist outside the box.

Only other person from the Cerritos getting a cookout invite is Shaxs. He's intense. Comes off a little angry sometimes, but so does Kira and we love her. So we're going to embrace him into this weird cookout family. He brings something basic though like taters.

Reading through comments (yes I read them) and there are some people I missed, some I felt went without saying, but I'm tackling a few...

Keiko is invited. Y'all thought she was just Miles's +1? Nah. She cool people. Even brings her own dish aside from what Miles brought. But Keiko is an adventurous eater so don't be surprised when what she brought was taiyaki or corned beef.

Pulaski ain't invited and I feel trolled that y'all keep asking. If the woman can't get a name like Data right, you think she gonna put the effort into M'Benga? Hell no. I need y'all to remember:

THIS IS COOKOUT NOT A BEAT DOWN.

I believe in her growth and change, but not here.

I got half a mind to troll @KawaiiMJ and say Ryn ain’t invited, but we all know he is. Granted, he ain’t bring a thing because Book just gave him a location and time to show up and that was it, but he’s there. He’s a little confused about what’s going on, but he there.

Got more questions so I am coming out to say: Grudge and Spot are invited to the cookout, but they ain’t allowed outside by the food.

They are in the house where animals belong in the cookout because you can’t have CATS out near the food.

It’s an unspoken cookout rule.

Jett Reno is at the cookout filling the role of that relative who be sitting there saying slick shit because she knows how to say acceptable slick shit.

Plus you always need that person to tell someone to shut the hell up when they being extra & that’s her. Brought not a thing.