Thread by @QuinnyPig

My personal guide for burned-out employees with chips on their shoulders. I recommend none of these. I am guilty of all of these. This is why I'm a terrible employee.

Put expenses on your own credit card and then submit them. If you experience pushback, stare them dead in the eye and say "okay, so don't pay it." See if they call your bluff.

(They almost never will.)

If someone asks you to work late tonight, you have plans. Maybe a date with your spouse. Maybe playing video games. Maybe you plan to cry yourself to sleep. Not their business; they're your plans.

Emergencies aren't "someone else fucked up the planning."

Set your pager alert sound and "you've got mail" sound to "Surfin' Bird" until people email you less. It will work if you're steadfast.

"Feedback is a gift." Some gifts may be returned. Feedback is an opinion, and not all of those are good. "Why should I care about that" is a valid response.

Don't ask for vacation time, tell them when you'll be out. The only thing you're "asking" is whether you'll have a job when you get back.

At performance review time, they'll tell you whether you're getting a 3% raise or a 7% raise. Showing up with another job offer and asking them to match the 25% raise is the best response here.

Defaults are powerful things. By default, decline meeting invites. By default, state you'll be doing X unless you hear otherwise ("deemed acceptance").

The best response to a boss telling you to do something dubious is "sure, but first I'm going to need you to tell me to do that in writing."

All deadlines are inherently arbitrary.

All deadlines are "this is an exception to the previous sentence." Lies!

In California, vacation time accumulates and is paid out when you leave. Sick time doesn't.

Mental health is a completely valid use of sick time. Take decompression days.

Tomorrow is promised to no one. Remember this when you're asked to put in the extra work now and told it'll pay off someday.

"I want to take another job but I don't want to abandon my current team" sound noble but is arguably the dumbest thing I've ever heard in the workplace. Those people would cheerfully slit your corporate throat if the roles were reversed. Get that cheddar.

Almost all employment in the US is "at will." This means you can be terminated for any reason or no reason, except for a reason based upon membership in a protected class.

"You just piss me off" is rarely a protected characteristic. Plan accordingly.

Everything you do should be viewed through a lens of "how will I tell this story to a future interviewer at another company?"

If it doesn't help your résumé, opt to do something else instead.

It's only your job description for as long as it's your job. Read the wind; don't be the last person to get surprised by org changes that suddenly mean a bunch of you are looking for work. You want to be giving notice right around the time the layoffs are being announced.

"Who the hell gives career advice like this?!"

Someone who had enough shitty managers that they lost all sense of perspective, and decided it was time to stop working for other people.

"Do you think you'll ever be employable again after writing threads like this in public?"

Oh, I don't know. I think I'd make one sparkly diamond of a union representative someday.