Thread by @JoinTheSchwarz

Only doing this so we can get to #30

1. kissed someone
do cousins count?

2. been drunk
I haven't consumed any kind of liquid matter in my whole life

3. cried yourself to sleep
when i was 4 i had my tear ducts surgically removed and replaced by two 9mm parabellum

4. self-harmed
i willingly went to watch the rise of skywalker

5. felt lonely
i have never felt this completely regular human feeling

6. feel depressed
this is getting harder to make fun of. please more likes so we can make this stop.

7. smoked
this was made by a preteen, right?

8. like someone?
only Jesus, everyone else will betray you

9. love someone?
love is a weakness. i once loved a little ferret my mom stole from another kid for me, and then Mr. Teef immediately bit my left thumb off. never love.

10. have a boy/girl friend
yes, i have friends who like aphex twin's classic electronica masterpiece "boy/girl song." especially that part when the drumbox goes WILD.

11. want a boy/girl friend
if you also like aphex twin, please reply. we could start a twitter fanclub.

12. have a tatoo
no, but i always have trouble spelling tattoo
tatoo
tatto
ttatoo
ttatto
tatatoo

13. have a piercing
yes, one that goes from my right foot straight to me left earlobe. it was an experimental procedure since found illegal by the la hague tribunals, so don't ask for recommendations (outside of DMs)

14. party?
LMFAO stole my little-known single "i like to do drugs and stick my asparagus where it doesn't belong" and retooled it into their hit "party rock anthem"
they won't answer my calls

15. prefer day or night?
i am the night. i am the bat. i am the unidentifiable smell coming from your ac unit. i am the suspicious lump in your neck.

15. twitter of facebook?
there's a stupid spanish kid's game called "scare or death?" and let me tell you, always choose scare. why would you choose death. get some therapy, kid.

17. twitter or instagram?
to the 12yo girl who wrote this: this is very inefficient. this set of questions could be replaced by one.

18. facebook or instagram?
just ask "twitter, facebook, or instagram?"
and don't forget the oxford comma

19. coke or pepsi
coke!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
here, the one actually honest question to keep this train going

20. tea or coffee
when i was 10 i asked my granny if it was possible to mix tea or coffee together. her eyes got really big and she excused herself. i heard her tell someone on the phone "it's happened, we are going to condition gamma red"
i still don't know what that was about

21. tacos or pizza
if you fold a pizza in half it becomes a taco, but if you unravel a taco you don't get a pizza. pizza is much more versatile.

22. discord of skype?
i used to think discordianists were cool until i realized they were like punk rockers, hippies, and situationists

23. cats or dogs
as a pet? cats
as an appetizer? dogs

24. single or taken?
taken is a xenophobic liam neeson vehicle and not even a good ones, memes and all. sorry but I'll go with cameron crowe's gen-x elegy. a true time capsule.

25. get married?
OOHHH MAYBE
WE'LL FIND OUT IF WE GET TO THE PROMISED NO. 30

26. have kids?
willingly? as in, not for an experiment to cure diabetes or to repopulate the world after tesla renders it uninhabitable? no

27. swim with sharks?
no but i would go to hit show 'shark tank' to present my blankevlartichoke(tm), an artichoke-shaped blanket that it's also a personal protection device. then i would murder everybody when they snickered.

28. share a banana?
what? no. bananas are indivisible. what the fuck? what kind of fucked up question is this? i feel sick

29. eaten rotten food?
sure, but enough about your mom! HAHAHAHA! IT'S AMERICAN HUMOR!

30. marry a foreigner?
YES I WOULD
LOOK @chipmunkofdoom I WASTED MY MORNING ON TWITTER JUST TO TELL YOU THAT I WOULD MARRY YOU ALL OVER AGAIN
ISN'T THIS ROMANTIC??
HEART EMOJI HEART EMOJI HEART EMOJI