Help Twitter plz help

i found a bird dead, floating in the water bin we leave out for our raccoons and it was in there 20+ minutes

the kids begged me to save it

so i put wrapped it up and put it in my shirt for fast warming

an hour later

guys help my tits resurrected a bird
I did not foresee this bird starting to breathe after an hour

And then start moving

It’s still unconscious on my chest

what the flark do I do now

I was unaware of my magical lifesaving birb boobs

WHAT

DO

I

D O.
It’s dry and warm and can move it’s wings and tail and reached up and is gripping the paper towel with its precious birdy foot

what do I do for it? It’s still unconscious but how am I supposed to help it??!! what does it need????
okay just realized

I have

a teeny dinosaur on my boobies
Wookit my widdle evolved murder baby

who was deadass not with the living for an hour

my precious miracle prehistoric fren
Okay, daughter did all kinds of research and set up a recovery home with a special heating pad that can keep the box at the optimal temp for the bird’s recovery.

Food and water added later.

I miss my little boobie buddy already.

Crossing my fingers for morning!
I know it’s foot looks less than alive but his little dino feet claws are up there on purpose, heh.

Tomorrow, calling the bird sanctuary and/or vet for all the guidance!

Rooting for my baby!
okay but also

seriously

i so did not have

magical bird resurrecting tits

on my 2021 BINGO card

Thelma and Louise feel mighty
Update: 14yo daughter cared for birdy all night but the heating pad shut off.

Woke up to dead birdy. :(

But the kids begged me to try boob therapy again.

So I spent the morning with a deceased birdy on my boobs.

but then
I was checking it

and it wrapped a foot around my finger

and turned its head a little

what

the fuck

is happening

have my my boobs

created zombie birb?

did my tits start the apocalypse

plz advise
10yo son begged to take over zombie bird care while in online school because I have a doc appt down the street

does the bird only live whilst

on the actual breasties?
but okay also

it feels like it would be perfectly on brand

for my boobies to accidentally

cause the zombie apocalypse
i mean

i just

i don’t

...

okay hi magic tits zombie birb
this is some fucking stephen king shit
uh

by the way

how this started

i asked my daughter to refill bird feeders yesterday

she did a mighty scream

because she had seen the floating dead bird
I said I would get it because dead critters sad her

but i had to wait 3 minutes

because i had just logged into therapy on zoom

but i saw through the window

that the bird didn't look long dead

so while the zoom room waited for therapist to join
i sat my laptop

on the back of my couch

facing the window

with the sound up high

and the window cracked

and i raced out to get the birdy

was holding it saying i think it might be saved

for a good 5 minutes

while my therapist watched
the next few minutes

was me asking my therapist if she thought

the bird had hope

or if I was once again putting my long ingrained white night issues that cause me to focus solely on saving others and animals because no one saved me in bad situations which yeah im working on
we talked about that

while i put the shirt in my hoodie just in case

but as i pleaded my case

therapist became likewise invested

and so anyway the first 30 minutes of therapy

was her calling out her ideas on how to save it
i sat down with my laptop

carefully put birdy in my shirt

dead

and laid it comfortably

in my booby infirmary

and then finished therapy

with a frozen dead bird on my tits
an hour later it started to twitch

and well hell you know the rest
so uh

it is...

okay so it ? ? ? ?

resurrection tits

i mean I guess?

also

HELLO WIDDLE ZOMBIE DINOSAUR

WELCOME BACK

...

AGAIN?

please don’t kill us we love you
okay real talk

the wildlife rescue told me this morning

that the bird had likely hit our window

and fell into the water bin

and drowned

and the reason it had never fully woken up

was it had been without air for too long

had severe brain damage

and would die today
and that the movements

like wrapping its claws around my finger

and stretching a wing

and turning its head

were just weird things brains do once something is technically brain dead like muscle memory twitches and spasms that control parts of the body
and i mean

i can’t wait to hear their new insights

to guide my confusion

because this is

not wHAT THEY SAID WOULD OCCUR
HOLY FUCK

ZOMBIE BIRD

ANGRY ZOMBIE BI
HOLY FUCKING FRIGGA ON A FORK

THE SHOEBOX STARTED MAKING NOISE

THEN THE LID STARTED BOUNCING

AND A DETERMINED ZOMBIE DINOSAUR

WAS CLAWING/FLAPPING/FREAKING OUT

I WAS SO SCARED IT WOULD HURT ITSELF

SO I OPENED THE WINDOW AND

WE GOT CATS, GUYS

BIG MF CATS

AND MURDER DOGS
AND I DON'T

IT WAS JUST

THERE WAS SO MUCH SCREAMING

AND BARKING

AND HISSING

AND CLAWING

AND TIT ZOMBIE FLAPPING

SO I PANICKED AND OPENED THE WINDOW BEHIND ME

AND IT'S JUST WIDE ENOUGH FOR THE SHOEBOX

I TRIED TO SET IT ON THE GROUND

BUT TIT ZOMBIE DINO BIRDS HAVE GOALS
AND THEN THERE WAS FLAPPING

THEN FLYING

THEN

THIS
look at this little fucker all smug
like honestly how dare thee birb

after all we have been through

not even a goodbye

or a knowing nod to my boobles
I did tell them i’m really happy they are okay

and if they ever die again

they know where to find me

i think he heard me

i hope he did
bye resurrected-by-tits-twice-baby-dinosaur-murder-baby-zombie-birb

you are a very Good Bird

bye, friend
oh oh oh my god I am dying

the wildlife rescue just called

and told me that i can bring zombie bird in tomorrow

but that they didn't see my birb

surviving through the night

and i swear

I barely got the words of my zombie dino out

because I was laugh-crying so hard it hurt.
people need to stop underestimating

the mighty bird

also

to never underestimate my tits

apparently.
oh! since a lot of people asked

the twice resurrected zombie dino bird

was a

Brown Creeper

so for the rest of my life

i can say

I kept a dead creeper on my tits

for 2 days

on purpose

• • •

Missing some Tweet in this thread? You can try to force a refresh
 

Keep Current with Summer Heacock

Summer Heacock Profile picture

Stay in touch and get notified when new unrolls are available from this author!

Read all threads

This Thread may be Removed Anytime!

PDF

Twitter may remove this content at anytime! Save it as PDF for later use!

Try unrolling a thread yourself!

how to unroll video
  1. Follow @ThreadReaderApp to mention us!

  2. From a Twitter thread mention us with a keyword "unroll"
@threadreaderapp unroll

Practice here first or read more on our help page!

More from @Fizzygrrl

28 Mar 19
I’m gonna talk about a thing here, and so, CW: PTSD.

People with PTSD commonly deal with a thing called “hyper-vigilance” and that can be in a mental and/or physical way.

Over-simplification: it means we are always clenched up and preparing for catastrophe.
Now, I deal with this both physically and mentally. I’m on medication to help with it, but it hasn’t helped much.

I’m gonna focus on the physical side.

My muscles don’t relax. Ever. I can force them to release, but it’s actually painful because my muscles are always clenched.
Seriously, my muscles always feel like rocks and piano wire.

Now, over the last few years, I’ve started blacking out. A lot. Standing or sitting up, doing yoga, turning my head, doing nothing at all.

This is, as you can imagine, troublesome.
Read 11 tweets
20 Feb 19
THERE IS A MAN OUTSIDE MY BEDROOM WINDOW CLEARING THE GUTTERS

I DID NOT KNOW HE WAS COMING

I AM STUCK UNDER MY COVERS

AND CANNOT FLEE

AS I AM NOT WEARING PANTS
FUCK

I NOW KNOW

BECAUSE THERE WAS NEVER CAUSE TO NOTICE BEFORE

THAT FROM THE TOILET IN MY BATHROOM

THERE IS A SPECTACULAR VIEW

OF THE ROOF

FROM THE SKYLIGHT
Now that I am wearing pants and can never pee again, I have scoped things out and see at least 2 ladders to the roof, and hear at least 2 sets of feet. They appear to be cleaning both roof and gutters.

I appear to be hiding from all windows for the rest of my natural life.
Read 18 tweets
9 Feb 19
Okay, who wants to hear a creepy as fuck story that still has the hairs standing up on the back of my neck in which I demonstrably banished a ghost from my 8yo son’s body last night?
So, son has been sick all week with the flu. But like, reaaaaal sick. He has been laying in bed like this pitiful puddle of melted little dude and it’s been really hard to watch.

Last night, 12yo daughter confides in me that she believes a ghost has latched onto her brother.
I hear her out: she says it’s like her brother is gone. His eyes look different. His voice is weird. He is just sort of...gone.

Now, at first I try to explain what the flu can do to a person, but she persists. She says ghosts can latch onto people and it’s like poison.
Read 21 tweets
25 Jan 19
Y’all. I just had the WORST experience with a male gyno that I was referred to for a hysterectomy. My husband was with me and this dude talked down to me, condescended, and talked over us both and did N O T H I N G.

I have now become Karen who is speaking to managers.
Turns out this dude has had MULTIPLE complaints against him for misogynistic behavior, and is known in the practice for being there to make money.

I’m about to burn a motherfucker down.
He kept insisting women at the age of almost 38 can’t possibly understand the consequences of a full hysterectomy, that “well, sometimes ovaries hurt.” and did not a damn thing to address my pain or even ACKNOWLEDGE IT. AT ALL. NOT ONCE.
Read 22 tweets
14 Dec 18
I have a random weird thing I want to chat about regarding opiate addiction. (Apologies in advance for the length of this.)

So, I have chronic pain. And when we lived in Indiana, my docs prescribed me Vicodin to deal with it.

I took it for, I want to say about 10 years?
I took it very sparingly. One every night to manage the pain enough to sleep, and if I had a migraine, I’d take an extra one.

It took exactly no time before my body became physically addicted to the nighttime dose.

I suddenly REQUIRED Vicodin at night or I’d have withdrawals.
I brought this to my doctors and said how uncomfortable I was with the situation. I didn’t know much about my health history, but the adoption agency told me addiction was rampant on both bio sides, so that wasn’t a path I wanted to be on.
Read 16 tweets
2 Dec 18
I’m gonna thread off this thread.

I lived in rural white Indiana for 36 years.

There’s am important factor people rarely talk about in these discussions: These people will never vote against the GOP. They just won’t.

And let me tell you why...
When Obama was running, I was listening to my father-in-law discuss the election with his family, and he said that as a teacher, he KNEW his life would be better under Obama and listed HUGE reasons why Obama was better for his life.

“But I’m still not gonna vote for him.”
And he didn’t. That family is full of people whose lives would be improved under Democratic leadership, teachers, firefighters, librarians, etc. but they all vote GOP.
Read 12 tweets

Did Thread Reader help you today?

Support us! We are indie developers!


This site is made by just two indie developers on a laptop doing marketing, support and development! Read more about the story.

Become a Premium Member ($3/month or $30/year) and get exclusive features!

Become Premium

Too expensive? Make a small donation by buying us coffee ($5) or help with server cost ($10)

Donate via Paypal Become our Patreon

Thank you for your support!

Follow Us on Twitter!