Thread by @QuinnyPig

"Hey, if we sneak up and tickle the wolverine I bet he'll be *SUUUUUPER* cuddly!" says @acloudguru.

It's time for a thread.

https://twitter.com/forrestbrazeal/status/1372268717535592448

"How Companies Are Shifting to Multi-Cloud" is almost certainly a half-assed take. @acloudguru confirms it by failing to retitle their marketing funnel from the "Cloud and the Public Sector" version.

Thankfully this thing is only 16 pages and starts by highlighting a point of commonality between @awscloud, @Azure, and @googlecloud: their complete lack of tolerance for taking artistic license with their logos.

We begin the multi-cloud report with a bunch of @awscloud specific technologies, though @googlecloud eagerly claims ownership of the "shitty YAML" parts.

...and Microsoft Server licensing, and Microsoft Consulting revenue, and Visual Studio...

But why mince words? I'll accept that @Azure is a going concern if you do. Let's move on.

"Multi-cloud is a thing because a 25K employee company and a 200K employee company are using both AWS and Azure somewhere internally" is... less than convincing.

This chart demonstrates that @acloudguru offers zero courses in data visualization.

"Multi-cloud is here!" is one interpretation.

Another is "corporate IT has discovered cloud" but that doesn't excite the peoples.

The deepest cut by far is putting @OracleCloud and @googlecloud on equal footing and I'm totally here for it.

A clearly emerging cloud trend is uptake of @flexera's Garbage Piano Histogram visualization.

"A third of our customers use us due at least in part to partner incentives" says much, absolutely none of it good about any provider.

The mixing of "Hybrid" into "your first cloud infrastructure" results is a practice known as CloudWashing and is commonly used to make the actual data you've gathered completely inscrutable.

I point out that @acloudguru offers 12 pages of courses on Azure, 66 pages of courses on AWS, and 6 pages of courses on GCP.

And then polled the people who pay them about what clouds they need expertise with the most.

I wonder if Former AWS Head has a name. And if he does, isn't he supposed to be taking over Amazon at least 3-6 months after this report was published?

Oh well. Azure good!

In a stunning upset, @acloudguru discovered an upward trend of their customer base towards @Azure while they were ramping up to be certified as an Azure Training Partner (last December).

Truly this must be pure coincidence.

All of this leads to the inescapable conclusion at the end of the report that-- BUY @acloudguru TODAY, THE END! says the content writer who's paid by the word and just hit quota.

96% of their business customers who hadn't fired them before 6 months saw improvement!

Now, I want to be clear on a few things.

1. This report is beneath @acloudguru's normally excellent standards.
2. We are happy ACG customers at the Duckbill Group.
3. Azure adoption is absolutely on the rise, but so is every cloud.

ACG: "How do we get a bunch of eyes on this new report we had to slap out due to partner requirements? Paid promotion is expensive."

@forrestbrazeal: "Give me edit rights and hold my tea. *clickety clickety* Watch this."