Thread by @BStulberg

Attachment to external validation. At best, a distraction. At worst, an emotional roller coaster that controls your life.

Everyone is susceptible. Three qualities prevent it:
-Autonomy
-Mastery
-Belonging

When these are firmly in place, external stuff matters less.

(THREAD.)

Big three qualities:

1. Autonomy: some sense of control over how you spend your time and energy.

2. Mastery: tangible progress in meaningful work that can be traced back to oneself.

3. Belonging: a strong sense of connection to other people, places, or traditions.

When these three qualities are not firmly in place, we tend to substitute chasing external validation in a frantic attempt to fulfill us.

(Spoiler alert: it never does.)

Yet we still spend time obsessing about reputation, checking notifications, comparing ourselves to others.

Lesson #1: If you care deeply about something with an external pull—shipping a creative product, gunning for a promotion, competing in Olympics—be sure to prioritize autonomy, mastery, belonging.

Doing so will help keep you centered and sane, regardless of where the chips fall.

Lesson #2: If you are in a leadership position, be sure to make autonomy, mastery, and belonging priorities and accessible to everyone. Your organization’s long-term success and health might very well depend on it.

(And there will be a lot less petty office politics!)

Lesson #3: All of this is simple. But simple doesn’t mean easy, especially in a culture where personality lives on a marketplace, distractions are abundant, and little hits of dopamine can be found just about anywhere.

Autonomy, mastery, and belonging require ongoing attention.

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