Wake your spouse up at 6:00 AM and say "Honey, I'm pregnant!" This will be particularly effective if you are a man

#AprilFoolsPrankTips
At the grocery store, buy a box of Raisin Bran when you secretly wanted corn flakes

#AprilFoolsPrankTips
Tell people your cat's favorite color is orange when you secretly know her favorite color is green

#AprilFoolsPrankTips
Wear a Sonic Youth T-shirt all day when you have never seen Sonic Youth live

#AprilFoolsPrankTips

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More from @Dreamweasel

15 Mar
BILL BURR: (makes joke about feminism)

FEMINISTS:

BURR STANS: TRIGGERED!!! FEMINISTS CAN’T TAKE A JOKE!!!
It’s almost as if there were a subset of the population that took such pleasure in making liberals angry that their own wishful thinking rendered the actual reactions of liberals irrelevant Image
I can easily imagine a brand-new Turning Point USA podcast where the theme of the very first episode is “Look at How Much I Triggered the Liberals Last Time”.

Doesn’t matter if it’s true. “Triggerer of Liberals” is now the imagined status of all modern conservative commentators.
Read 4 tweets
11 Mar
Since I don’t know how sustainable my current employment situation is, I may be forced to change my user name to “EnormousWeasel_Defiant!” and have a go at doing this professionally
Joe Biden seems to know a bit more about American government than Donald Trump.

WHO’S WITH ME?

#EnormousWeasel_Defiant!
If you think treatment and prevention of the Coronavirus should be among our government’s top priorities, raise your hand ✋

#EnormousWeasel_Defiant
Read 5 tweets
27 Feb
Subjects Where I Suspect We’re Mainly Talking to Each Other:

- “The Big Lie”.

Most Republicans still don’t believe the election was fair.

- “Republican Civil War”.

January 6 notwithstanding, the GOP rank and file has not turned against Trump in any significant way.
The Republican Party still wants Trump. Failing that, they want a candidate who delivers as much of Trump’s agenda as possible:

1. More power to the cops
2. Guns, guns, guns
3. Defund PP / end abortion
4. Fight tooth & nail against LGBT normalization
5. Piss off the liberals
They see no contradiction in the party of Law and Order willfully turning a blind eye to sedition, insurrection, and abuse of power because none of them really view Trump’s offenses as an especially big deal. Certainly no worse than anything the Democrats have publicly supported.
Read 4 tweets
27 Feb
They don’t hate us because of the trigger warnings and disclaimers.

They hate us because they hate brown people, they hate gay people, they’re terrified of the mainstreaming of trans people, and they’ve been brainwashed into believing the socialists are coming for their guns.
The trigger warnings and disclaimers - even for something as benign as The Muppet Show - are just ammunition for their side to make us look absurd and oversensitive.

But it could all stop tomorrow & it would not make a difference, because it’s not why they hate us.
DISNEY: Hey, there was some racist stuff in these old kids’ TV shows that was accepted as normal 40 years ago, but rather than throw out the baby with the bathwater we’ll just include a short disclaimer before we rerun them unedited

FOX: ZOMG CANCEL CULTURE IS COMING FOR US ALL
Read 4 tweets
21 Feb
The staff at Trump Hotel had very specific instructions for how to serve Donald Trump his Diet Cokes, which I cannot read without remembering the elaborate ritual required to serve the Monseigneur his “happy chocolate” in A Tale of Two Cities washingtonian.com/2021/02/19/tru…
To wit: (1/2) Image
(2/2) Image
Read 4 tweets
22 Jan
R: You Democrats say you want unity, but you keep saying mean things about Trump supporters

D: He’s a racist pathological liar who sent his goons into the Capitol Building to overthrow an election that he lost, and you supported him every step of the way

R: HYPOCRITES
D: For the record, our main goal was not “unity”; we wanted Trump gone because he is a deceitful & destructive presence

R: Well, how can we call you hypocrites unless we actively distort your message

D: You got me

R: When we call you “HYPOCRITES”, it means we win the argument
R: Go ahead; try it out. Say anything about Trump

D: OK; he incited an angry mob to attack the Capitol

R: HYPOCRITES! What about BLM rioting and looting?

D: That doesn’t mean you win the argument

R: Good luck convincing anyone on my side of that
Read 4 tweets

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