It’s me again, the Candidate With An Attitude Problem.

Please ask me your interview question and tell me which company / role I’m interviewing for.
The problem that I see is that everyone thinks "the previous person buried a landmine" is an allegory, whereas here it can and will be literal truth.

I thought the dinosaurs had to all die first before they'd decompose into petroleum?
You're going to have to do better than that; I can get three title jumps, no pay cut, and not have to leave my couch because nobody ever verifies what it says on @linkedin.
Squee tried to steal my beer once, but couldn't find it. That was the last time anyone was able to find Squee, which is entirely coincidental.

"When I was a child I said I wanted to excel. The career counselor misunderstood."
There are no problems, just learning opportunities. I cast the entire debacle as one hell of a learning opportunity for the intern.

The correct answer here is "clearly a strong stomach for moral hazards."

I put a sign on the server saying not to turn it off for the next day and a half.

I'll choose bogosort, since it's basically indistinguishable from advanced machine learning.

As an attaché to a political office, I'll need to be in a disaster area. So basically "wherever my boss has been spotted in public this time."

Sorry, sorry, I'm giddy with excitement. This is like walking in on the Easter Bunny!

I'm just going to shout random words to fill the void. Later, I'll discover it was a service naming meeting.

I used to believe that any schmendrick could be a manager. I've proven the point, now I'll let another one do it.

Sure thing, let me fire up my preferred IDE. It's called Minecraft.
More than I'd have hoped. After "Red Hat OpenShift Service on AWS (ROSA)" I'd have expected to be led from the premises in handcuffs, not promoted.

I want to balance working on technically excellent products with nobody in the larger ecosystem really giving a rat's ass what I have to say about technology for a few years.

I've been using git for quite some time.

If I don't get this job, the world is my oyster. If I do, almost certainly prison.

I'd first build Instagram, then swap in MongoDB for the datastore.

You're making an awful lot of assumptions about the men in question.

I basically just whined like an asshole and got my way after a couple of decades.

I haven't yet decided just how literally I'm preparing to fuck my team.

Primarily via reskinning the AWS console and assuming that you really are as thick as that question implies you are.

Wow, the last time I heard that one "World of Warcraft" was your most recent hit. I guess I see why you're still using that one...

Still gainfully employed here via my skillful hiring of ablative interns.

I'm most interested in benefiting my own résumé.

While putting compromising photos of my interviewer on my own social media is certainly unorthodox, it’s also effective. Where’s my desk?
If instead of the board / CEO, I’ll be reporting to Gartner / enterprise ads in airports.
Just like this interview, everything I do will be on a whiteboard.
Swept twelve consecutive rounds of “two truths and a lie” with service names.
Well this certainly explains Windows ME.
Oh thank god, with that job title I was terrified you were into some blockchain cryptocurrency bullshit.
You get that “we were sitting outside” isn’t a defense against insider trading, right?
A bit more ethically this time around.
First it sends my PII to Google…
Infinitely far away, because you’re going to need a lot of tools to get there.
I’m not particularly interested in a job as a Florida congressman.

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More from @QuinnyPig

7 Apr
DtnamoDB is a pretty poor DNS resolver, but @alexbdebrie is the person to talk to about it. I wound up hiring him to fix a thing on contract; strongly recommend.
"Why is this the same book and not the second edition?"

Because the entire point of DynamoDB is that there's no sequel.
You can tell it's about DynamoDB because the index is at the front of the book instead of the back.
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What can I help you with this evening, Twitter?
Different strokes for different folks. I find it goofy; they clearly don't. And that's okay. It'd be a pretty boring world if we all agreed.

If Matt looks like the kind of person you'd enjoy having in your company, I'd suggest reaching out sooner than later. His greatest challenge right now is articulating exactly what he wants to do next; once he solves that he won't be available for long.

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And now: you've likely heard of @AskAManager; in this thread ask an admittedly-terrible employee what to do for an "alternate" take on workplace questions.
(DMs are open if you’d prefer not to implicate yourself.)
"Only white guys interview for an open role."

Ask the folks at your company who aren't over-represented what they think of the job description and tweak accordingly.

If everyone at the company is a white guy, you have your answer already.
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Ever notice that companies always like to define a key employee leaving as "hit by a bus?"

A thread on this weird, weird, WEIRD framing.
It turns out that the number of employees who leave for "a different job" dramatically outweighs the number of employees who are hit by buses in virtually every geography.
But it terrifies companies if you raise the spectre of taking a new job. Far better to raise the spectre of your untimely demise instead, because it makes your employer more comfortable that way.
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And now I present tonight’s thread: Red Flags that your company might suck.
Former employees have nothing good to say about the place.
Former employees only say "I have nothing disparaging or critical in any way to say" about the place.
Read 45 tweets
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Speaking of shitposts: @azure paying @forrester for reprint rights to demonstrate @awscloud's superiority is funny / normal, but WTF is going on over at @alibaba_cloud?!
Let's find out.
They're onto me already.
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