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.@IdyEnang is live now on 91.3FM @LagosTalks913. Join the conversation as we continue on our series for the month 'Anger Management.' Join the conversation, and be sure to follow the thread and retweet.

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The Anger Process: Anger is a two-step process. It involves pain plus trigger thoughts.

Anger = Pain + Trigger Thoughts

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First, there is the pain. It might be emotional like a feeling of loneliness, loss, or rejection. It might also be physical pain like headache or pain in your tummy

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The second part of anger is the trigger. The combination of both pain & trigger thoughts results in anger.

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These are some physical reactions that you will find when angry:
1. When the heart beats faster
2. Pupils dilate
3. Breathing fast
4. Faces may redden
5. Legs turn into jelly

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2. Triggers are experiences that can remind us of or have us relieve griefs or traumas from the past.

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What are personal hot buttons?

Do you know things about you that are true but you prefer to avoid them?

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When people make comments about things that we are ashamed of or that we try to deny, we say that they are pushing our buttons.

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It is important that we all understand our triggers because triggers are a powerful reminder when it comes to anger.

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A trigger can bring the memory of an argument or conflict flooding back, and all the physical effects such as the increase in your heart rate, the flushed face, or tensed muscle

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...Even if you are not in the midst of the conflict, but observe it, the trigger can stimulate your memory.

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Being aware of your trigger and how you behave when they occur are important steps in learning healthier behavior.

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A few tips on how to manage your anger using the anger law. The anger law is an effective way to explore what your own triggers and hot buttons are as well as your reactions.

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Keeping an anger law will allow you to become more aware of the number of times you become angry as well as what your reactions are.

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If you consciously commit to raising your emotional intelligence about anger, you will find that your reactions become more constructive...

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...you can then focus on moving ahead rather than being stuck in a pattern of repeating unhealthy behavior. Managing anger as a positive development in your life.

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Anger law helps you not only to focus but to be real because every situation is different and you may just decide to turn it into a story.

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In other to remember the steps that you took in the previous, you can simply use a different pattern. You can decide to have an anger law that looks like this:
S – stands for Story. Describe what happened in less than 3 lines.

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E – Stands for Examine Beliefs. What beliefs & distorted thinking patterns & judgment contributed to this situation?

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F – stands for Feelings: What feelings were you experiencing at the time? How would you describe your anger? How will you describe how the environment and the people around you respond or react to your anger?

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What was the intensity like on a scale of 1 to 10? Where 1 is when you are not angry at all and 10 is when you get extremely angry.

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A – stands for Action: What did you do about it? Here you can write more than 3 lines. Develop your emotional intelligence as you expand your library of an anger response options.

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This will also give you a concrete of how you apply anger management technique.

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C – stands for Challenge: This is a fun way to walk through your anger. Challenge your own assumptions for that particular event...

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...look at the judgments you are making; talk about what happened, the actions you took and the healthiest way to resolve the problem.

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Part of the cost of anger will be the relationships but the biggest cost of anger overtime is your health – mental health, physical health & overall health. If you don’t manage it well, you will have yourself to blame.

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In taking the anger law, get some practice about using it. This anger law is for chronic case. You need to practice how to start using the anger law.

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You need to start practicing how to use the anger law daily. What you did, the date, the story, the beliefs, the feelings, the actions and then the challenge.

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When you go through all of this, then you begin to ask yourself certain questions:
1. How does anger really affect my thinking?
2. Is anger the best response? It is how you interpret events that make you angry.

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Anger can affect your thinking, memory, creativity, and concentration may weaken. Your thoughts become accusatory when you look at the past.

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To determine if anger is your best response, you need to ask yourself:
a. Is my anger hurting me or helping me? If the answer is hurting you, it is a message that your anger is needless

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It is making the situation worse and it is time to respond differently.

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The heart of anger management, which is being able to transform anger from a negative experience into a positive one is learning how to use your thoughts and feelings, & behaviors so they work for you and not against you.
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Talking about distorted thinking, we know that how we think about things determines to a large extent or degree what we experience, and this is particularly true about anger.

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Anger is a strong emotion. Use cold distant logic with yourself to avoid your logic being distorted.

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The most common forms of distorted thinking are:
1. Magnifying
2. Destructive Labeling
3. Imperative thinking and,
4. Mind reading

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1. Magnifying: This type of distortion turns the consequences of a negative event into a catastrophe. For example, if you usually get angry when you are 2 minutes late for a meeting or you missed...

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...a particular call. You are probably magnifying the problem, ask yourself if you are making a mountain out of a molehill.

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Do you have a tendency to take something that is unfortunate and turn it into the worst possible situation?

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There are some things you can do to control your tendency to magnify a bad situation, these three (3) steps can help you neutralize your anger:
a. Make a realistic assessment of the situation: Find out how about is it...

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...you may just discover youo are overreacting over nothing.
b. Be very precise & accurate in the language you use to describe the bad situation.
c. Look at the whole picture, not just the annoying piece.

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Here are some coping thoughts you can use:
1. This is frustrating but it isn't the end of the world

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2. Destructive Labeling: This is an extreme form of over-generaization. It creates and perpetuates anger because it forces you to focus on only the negative characteristics.

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Sometimes we label others to protect our own self-esteem. That is not right!

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When you hear yourself labeling someone, please step back and describe the annoying behavior with precision. Don't magnify or exaggerate.

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3. Imperative Thinking: This is when you have a certain rule about how you and others should act. This is being rigid.

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Imperative thinking creates anger because it implies that we are entitled to get what we want in a specific situation. Then when our imperatives are violated we think an injustice has taken place.

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Violating our own self-requirements, for example thinking 'I should have done a better job' creates anger because we perceive the violation as a failure.

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Sometimes we put ourselves under undue pressure. Usually, what this means is that we have unrealistically high expectations.

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Here are some coping thoughts you can use: You can begin to tell yourself 'I am not being reasonable here, I need to be calm.' You can also begin to look for an accountability partner & look out for someone that can speak to you at that moment.

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If you use the words 'should, must or always' stop yourself & ask.

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In trying to belong where you don't belong, you will start fooling yourself & inflating your ego & that ego will bring some thoughts, the feelings & before you know it, you live a magnified life & one day the bubble will burst.

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3. Mind-Reading: With this type of distorted thinking, you rarely check out your assumptions, you act as if they are true.

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The product of magnifying is a distorted thinking and as a man thinketh in his heart so he is.

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Imperative thining creates anger because it implies we are entitled to get what we want in a specific situation.

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Thank you to everyone who was a part of today's program, we hope you found it useful. We will be glad to hear your feedback, you can email @IdyEnang via [e-mail] or follow him on Instagram via instagram.com/idyenang

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