A lot of people are sharing this today - which is fair enough since it makes some relevant points - but it doesn't apply exactly to what's happening at the moment, and the reasons it doesn't are important.
The current horror show is certainly underlined by Brexit/Irish Sea Border stuff, but it’s inseprable from the same old cycle of neglect and exploitation Northern Ireland has suffered under from both London and Belfast governments for as long as I've been alive.
Ordinary Northern Irish people again being treated as disposable batteries; faceless, futureless cyphers who can be cajoled, connived, traded and radicalised in the interests of their political leaders.
There should be no equivocation here, this is the DUP’s mess.
The DUP are geared explicitly toward generating, and harnessing, resentments within loyalist communities. It is almost their only function. They create conditions whereby people feel justifiably aggrieved, and redirect said grievances toward targets of their own choosing.
As they oversee and enact disenfranchisement, unemployment and chronic neglect, the DUP offer no blue-sky plan, not even a fake one. Their self-cast role has always been as bitter heralders of horrible foes, who spell a worse fate for loyalists, and who only they can defeat.
Forget the poverty and neglect, focus on Republicans, or even just gaelic games and the Irish language, women seeking reproductive health, the LGBT+, travelers, Muslims, foreigners on housing estates, the EU.
They're not alone in these tactics, but they don't have a Plan B.
That’s how Foster can preside over the venality and incompetence of dark money, billions in Tory bungs and every flip-flop through years of Brexit deals, and blame the EU for where the Irish Sea Border landed.
It’s how she can end a tweet condemning an attempted murder by a loyalist faction and posit Sinn Fein as “the real law breakers”.
The DUP’s gameplan has always been to provoke and rile their base into positions of unsustainable anger. If they can use it to their advantage; good. If it spills over into something unpleasant; “this is not what we meant, but remember to keep hating the people we talked about”.
It's one of the things that's most depressing about the current braindead anti-woke culture war shite that's seized British politics and huge sections of its press - it's just the same remedial divide and conquer nonsense we've seen in NI for decades. It's mortifying bollocks.
Framing all this solely in terms of Brexit is, to be honest, insulting. Name the decades' worth of tensions and grievances it springs from. The neglect, pain and provocation. Give Johnson his blame, by all means, but name his co-conspirators, and the fires they've started, first.
That thread, written a couple days after the referendum five years ago, was about how little voters considered Northern Ireland with the Brexit vote. Its main focus was on the fact that NI had a porous EU border, and how Irish-identifying citizens would react to that being shut.
The two things are connected, of course, but different in many ways. Also I wrote it very angry and it's pretty over-earnest. I have since hardened my heart into a black, calloused thing and try not to be so furious online. Same with numbering threads. It was a different time.
But my overarching point wasn't that unrest would definitely happen, it was that this was never even raised in any of the debates. It wasn't even considered, because Northern Ireland is so resolutely neglected and disdained, the UK forgot it had a land border with the EU.
It seems weird that this was the case since everyone in England proceeded to spend the next five years working on armchair doctorates on international border legislation, the Good Friday Agreement and the peace process, but none of those things had ever been raised beforehand.
So if the take away is that we tried to tell you then, listen to what we're saying now. The situation is more complex than Westminster politicking. There's plenty of blame to go around, just make sure to apportion it wisely.
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Huge news at my dad's house, as a robin has moved in. He has, somewhat inevitably, been named Pablo, after the novelty robin ornament he bought some Christmases ago, which had telescopic legs and a kind face. This robin too, appears friendly and professional. More updates to come
Pablo has been a visitor to my dad's garden for some time, but began entering the home this weekend. He flies back out the window frequently, but always returns, and he is now a free-roaming member of the household, gallivanting from room to room on regular tours of inspection.
Pablo loves music, with a particular predilection for the Northern Irish Country Music™ for which my homeland must be thoroughly, and regularly shamed.
For this, my father now loves him more ardently than any of his eleven children.
In today's column I talk about my experience of Halloween growing up in Derry, and my son's rather limited go of it. But I *also* traffic in some thoroughly debunked Irish halloween myths, so I'd like to correct the record. theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2…
Although Samhain did denote the start of winter, conflating it with Halloween is a relatively modern invention, without much actual evidence. Also, Irish emigrants to America did celebrate Hallowe'en, but so did the English, Welsh, others.
The conjecture that the veil between worlds was more permeable on Samhain, hence beasties, costumes and trick or treating, also seems to have appeared in the early 20th century. A nice story, but bolloxology alas.
Each class did a little five minute show, and I - a ten year old, sombrero-wearing, reindeer child - came out in between each act, to sing and crack jokes in a Mexican accent that should have landed me in the Hague.
No pictures or videos survive from the performance, which is *extremely unlucky* since my dad was a camcorder fanatic, and had in fact been recording the official record of my school's plays and concerts for years. I've found the tape a few times but it doesn't play.
For the record I got SIX rude words printed in the end. The five below and also Turrdz. I managed the last three after the events detailed by the Daily Mail, during which time I was so well known to Selfridges I had to evade VERY ACTIVE surveillance whenever I entered the store.
My Nutella shenanigans did mean that a corporate spokesperson had to issue this statement about me, which was such a life highlight that it has now been my banner picture for almost five years.
Want to hear a funny story about something that happened to me this weekend? It concerns the internet, elephants, and the absurdity of online nostalgia.
So, Naomi Wolf was getting pelters from me and others for having said that non-5G Belfast had the “calm” of the 1970s, (despite Belfast *having* 5G and the 70s not being the calmest of times for Belfast). It was really... something.
As a result, people in my mentions and throughout the wider web shared similarly “calm” photos from 70s Northern Ireland, rebranded with the stock phrases of those inane “Remember The Good Old Days?” memes. It was very funny.
It's not conscious I know, but I've always found it odd to hear English people using the bastardised Irish surname "Hooligan" to decry their fans' worst behaviour. Every tournament. For days on end. While Irish fans sing songs and make friends without thinking of attacking anyone
Like the worst thing an English fan can be is a hooligan. And it's not a nonsense word to Irish people, it's a very recognisable corruption of names like Houlihan and Olohan. Because we're violent and disorderly. Irish people. Compared to...???
This would still be weird even if Irish football fans HAD a reputation for violence. But we don't. We're almost professionally sound. To the point were nearly sick of the mildly patronising coverage of us as happy, smiling chimps who are shit at football but make everybody smile.