We need to pull cops from the market and cancel all current cop appointments, there are just too many fatal side effects associated with the cop as opposed to widely available alternative products such as social worker and teacher
If your city presently is scheduled to receive cop, please contact us to reschedule your city to get a shot of mental health infrastructure & economic development instead
Perhaps we can return cop to the market in some form under an emergency use authorization after cop has been studied and guns have been removed.
Unfortunately redevelopment of cop may be slow as the cop product itself works based on the foundational technology of white supremacy so cop will have to be redesigned and return to clinical trials to determine if cop is safe in animals before using cop on humans again.

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More from @jelenawoehr

17 Apr
🧵 A THREAD IN WHICH I REVIEW BEING BITTEN BY VARIOUS ANIMALS

1. GOAT 🐐

Overall a soft and gummy bite, often with a faint bouquet of fermented grain. Near-prehensile lips make the whole experience rather cute. Only downside is the painful accompanying headbutt. 4/5 stars. Image
2. CALIFORNIA KINGSNAKE

Startlingly swift, a thing of beauty to observe. No fangs, just teeth. Perplexing belief by snake that a human finger can in fact be swallowed by an eighteen-inch animal adds a quirky, vintage charm. Drew blood, but wounds healed quickly.

3.5/5 stars. California king snake with ...
3. AFRICAN PYGMY HEDGEHOG 🦔

A rare bite, suitable for connoisseurs, best obtained by offering a sweaty hand to a hedgehog craving salt. Brief, sharp pinch, no lasting effects. Humor value added by hedgehog’s tendency to react to taste of human by hissing.

5/5 top notch bite African Pygmy hedgehog show...
Read 21 tweets
22 Mar
When you hear that an unhoused person “refused services” that includes...

- refused to give up their pet to get a short-term hotel room
- the shelter they were offered a space in isn’t safe for their gender/sexuality
- couldn’t consolidate all their belongings into two bags
People will literally be classified as “offered housing but declined” if they have tools for a job they do when they can and didn’t want to leave all their tools in a public park to be stolen just to get a hotel room worth less than the cost of re-buying all those tools
There are some private organizations like @selahnhc (I heard this information from one of their volunteers on his podcast) that help with storage but with all the money taxpayers voted for housing services LA still doesn’t own a storage facility for people’s belongings
Read 12 tweets
18 Mar
I’m still on Facebook mostly because I have a friend who runs a wildlife rescue and had to keep a bobcat that’s unreleasable because he was dropped on his head by a hawk as a kitten and doesn’t understand he’s a predator

It’s an absolute Pixar movie. Fennel is his favorite toy. Image
This bobcat is not bright.

I cannot overstate how not bright he is.

An apex predator in his natural ecosystem, meant to patrol a range of multiple square miles and terrorize smaller wildlife, in captivity he has taken up sunbathing and eating vegetables. Derpy bobcat spraddled on h...
Keeping a apex predator with two working brain cells is still expensive as hell, so you can buy this ridiculous potato some fennel here: forfoxsakewildlife.com/support-our-wo…

He’ll be an education animal in schools, post-pandemic, because he probably thinks he IS a human third grader. Image
Read 8 tweets
2 Oct 20
JED BARTLETT: *peering at news* Abby, did you see this?

ABBY: don't get your blood pressure up. it's not your concern anymore.

JED: well, of course it is. can't a man be interested in current events?

ABBY: just tell me you won't call--

JED: get Toby on the phone, will you?
TOBY: yes, sir, I've heard.

JED: do you think he's faking it?

TOBY: no, sir, I don't. I don't think his ego would allow it.

JED: should I make a statement?

TOBY: what kind of statement, sir?

JED: I don't know. "I told you so?"

TOBY: no, I don't think you should say that.
JED: have you talked to C.J.?

TOBY: I called, but she was dancing barefoot on the lawn under the full moon. she hung up on me.

JED: *snort* WOMEN.

ABBY: *clears throat*

JED: what I meant to say was, have you spoken to Sam?

TOBY: on the other line, sir. I'll merge the calls.
Read 38 tweets
1 Oct 20
America’s oldest living Olympic medalist died yesterday, aged 100 years, 7 months, 28 days. Colonel John Russell, born in 1920, medaled in team jumping in the 1952 Helsinki Olympics. He spent his golden years providing opportunities for young people to compete in show jumping.
As a young man, he served under General Patton in WWII.

In 2001, at age 81, he was inducted into the United States Show Jumping Hall of Fame, thanks to both his own competitive achievements and those of his students at the Russell Equestrian Center.
His first horse was a workhorse named Old Bill. When his father wanted the family workhorse back, he bought young John a pony, which he transported to their home in the back seat of his sedan.

By age 16, he upgraded to a Thoroughbred purchased from a traveling circus.
Read 6 tweets
30 Sep 20
There is a thing all horse people know about.

I won't inflict a picture on you, but imagine raw, oozing mounds of angry, weeping pink tissue growing from a wound that will not heal.

That's "proud flesh." And that's what I think of when I hear "Proud Boys."
It's called "proud flesh," I think, because it puffs out from a wound like a rooster puffing out his chest.

It's so ostentatiously pink that it almost seems like it's taunting you. Everyone who's battled it knows the feeling: "goddamnit, there's MORE today!?"
When proud flesh is present, a wound cannot heal, because skin cannot knit over it.

It's formally called "granulation tissue," and it usually happens on lower limbs where there's less soft tissue to prevent the movement of the limb tugging at the edges of a wound.
Read 5 tweets

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