interesting thing i realized about my own psyche-mind is that i used to use drugs or drinking as a way to lock myself into “not working” and “relaxing”, ie using those things as a hard semiotic delineator of “time off”. that was part of their function in my internal system [...]
so if i was in my apartment and drank a little or smoked or something then in my mind it flipped a switch over to “well, i cant do work now”, and id be “off” the clock with that weight lifted from me. in retrospect i wonder if this was one of the main functions they served to me.
i noticed this because now that i dont use those things anymore its almost impossible for me to flip that switch and take “time off”, even a day or one night, because im always working in my mind. ive noticed myself subconciously trying to use other things as signifiers instead.
like, oh im “not working”, ill do X thing i never normally do, or ill hangout in this other part of my house, or even things like ill wear clothes i dont normally wear. this wasnt really a conscious thing. we really exist in “a forest of signs” and signifiers, symbolic creatures.
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