Thread by @gaialect

I’ve been doing some deep reflecting on the concept of inner child healing and what that even really means. I know we all hear about tending to our inner child and it may be simplified to “taking up a lost hobby” or “spending time doing things we used to love doing”.

These are great suggestions but I still wondered what it really means to heal one’s inner child.
I realize now that the work is never really done. We hear the saying that healing isn’t linear all the time but is it even possible to achieve an obsolete and concrete healed version

of ourselves? I’m not sure, I’ll let you know how I feel about that if I’m lucky to live 40 more years. What I do know is, every one of us lacked some version of love or attention in our childhood. Whether we realize it or not, whether it was deeply traumatic or not.

We lacked something. You may have had tons of siblings with nothing but loving parents and still managed to feel left out somehow or felt the need to prove your existence to your parents. This is not deeply traumatic but it sticks with us.

I can guarantee you a person that may have lived this reality, grows up and tries their hardest to prove themselves to the people in their lives. This may even mean, keeping toxic people in their lives longer than necessary due to their deep-rooted desire to prove themselves

of being worthy of love. A child who may have felt invisible compared to their other siblings may actively seek out adult relationships where they are the “healer” or someone that their partner can RELY on bc they believe the only way, they will feel love is through being NEEDED.

They may believe that their personality alone is not enough to keep someone around. This poses a problem for them when their partner just wants to use or abuse their availability & giving nature. They may also refrain from asking for things for themselves in fear of being left.

Abandonment issues can lead to anxious attachment styles etc. I won’t get into the details bc even though they are interesting, this isn’t what this thread is about. It’s about the fact that when I gave an acquaintance some advice, I made an association & it clicked for me.

They were someone that was frequently disregarded in childhood. Her emotions were frequently silenced as if they held no weight, as if she was always overreacting, overly emotional or just wrong.

I noticed her behavior in the present reflected this because she tolerated people in her life that replicated the same treatment she received in childhood. She was aware that she hated feeling how they made her feel but continued to tolerate it.

This is because she was “used to it” and that can be a dangerous mindset to be in. We have all been there. That is why I am writing this. Becoming aware of what outdated patterns we are unknowingly repeating in our adult lives can help us better maneuver our relationships.

We frequently ask ourselves, WHY am I like this?? Well, believe it or not, there is an answer for that. You just need to find it. What it comes down to, is learning how to re-write your story. Some toxic people remind us of our toxic childhoods that we lived for so long in.

In theory, the toxicity is uncomfortable, but realistically? It is “comfortable” for us because we’ve been there before and it is familiar to us. Why do you think it’s so difficult for us to pick up on certain red flags? Or the jokes about red flags looking orange or green to us?

It’s because our brains have experienced these realities in which these red flags were not that scary to us because we’ve lived through it and survived. When we don’t reflect on our past to this intense degree, it’s easy to miss those things.

It’s easy to write them off as fixable or minor character flaws in someone else that we simply hope will fade away or change with time because we have grown attached to them. Everything comes full circle.

A child who did not get a lot of attention growing up or felt like an outcast in their own home, has a high chance of growing up and seeking validation from almost anyone they can find.

The trap is that this doesn’t heal them, it makes their inner child even lonelier because attention from random people or people that don’t even value them, is not what they need. Your inner child needs a hug. How do we give it to them?

By embracing and surrounding ourselves with things and people that tend to our inner child’s wounds. Instead of seeking empty validation from strangers, consider putting in the work to build genuine wholesome connections in which you can be your authentic self & not feel judged

for it or feel the need to put on a show to keep people around. Instead of repeatedly making excuses for the people that don’t value you and continue to give them multiple chances to hurt your inner child all over again, put in the work to surround yourself with people that

hold your feelings to the highest regard. People that want to listen to what you have to say and value your emotions deeply. Surrounding yourself with people that pour the love into you that you had been missing, whether it be romantic or platonic.

Most importantly pour all of this into yourself, but our social circles help too. Continuing to associate with or interact with those that make your inner child feel weak again is a form of self-harm. You feel uncomfortable, you feel drained, exhausted & eventually depressed

after a few exchanges with them. That’s your body and soul begging you to surround yourself with something more fruitful. Now back to the hobbies, yes. Engaging in things your inner child once loved is definitely key here too.

Spending your time wisely, wearing clothing or hairstyles that make your inner child happy is great too. All of these things work hand in hand to create the ultimate experience.

The most powerful healing of all for me was putting myself in a position to do what I felt I could never do as a child. Express myself authentically, feel deeply, connect with people and fearlessly share my innermost thoughts with people who might like them (that’s you).

I hope this shed some insight and sparked an interest in learning more about your inner workings and how to best improve them.

We all have children inside of us that are trying their best to heal from something. This is a reminder to be kind when you can and take accountability when it’s necessary. I wish you the best of luck on your journeys. Have a good day and thanks for reading.