THE EXODUS...A Hilarious Tale

According to the Bible, the Israelites (an estimated 2 million people) began their journey out of Egypt in one night to the 'Promised Land' - along with their flock and herd, with borrowed jewelry and clothes.

1)
Where were they were going to? The Sinai Desert. Just in case you didn't know, the Sahara Desert is a garden when compared to the Sinai Desert! There's just no way all the civilized nations of the world could support two million people in the Sinai Desert for forty years.

2)
The sheep alone they had with them were so numerous that the Israelites sacrificed, at one time, more than 150,000 first-born lambs! How were they supported? What did they eat or drink? Where were pastures for these flock in the blistering heat of the desert?

3)
When Pharaoh found out that the Israelites had left, he took 600 chosen chariots of Egypt, pursued after the Israelites, and met them by the Red sea. Apart from the fact that the name of the Pharoah is not mentioned, it seems the writers had forgotten that...

4)
...they already told us that the deadly plagues sent by 'God' affected both humans and animals. How in the world was Pharoah able to gather 600 horses (that's if one chariot is pulled by a single horse) after being ravaged by the plagues? 🤔

5)
Anyway, Moses stretched out his miracle-working rod over the Red Sea -wooosh! - it divided! The Hebrews ran through.The Egyptians pursued them.Yep! That's what you do when you see someone divide any sea. It's not a big deal after all.

6)
But God was not willing to take the children of Israel into the promised land immediately. Nah - They were not fit to inhabit it just yet ; so he made up his mind to allow them to wander around in the desert until everyone who had left Egypt died - except two of course.

7)
Of the estimated 2 million slaves released mission-impossible-style from Egyptian bondage, only two were allowed to reach the promised land!

What then was the frigging point of the entire rescue mission?

8)
The part of the story I absolutely love is where the Bible tells us that the clothes of the Israelites did not grow old, and that their shoes did not wear out. This means the clothes & shoes lasted these folks for 40 years, during the entire journey!

9)
That means folks who left Egypt as little babies, grew as they traveled, and their clothes and shoes grew with them.

Amazing! 🙃

10)
Later in Exodus 13, 'God' gives Moses a special recipe for making a perfume, with the command that whoever makes another which smelled like it, should be cut off from his people - probably killed or thrown out of the camp. Yahweh was really concerned about his perfume

Awesome 😁

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More from @mykael_yuddy

15 Apr
“I told my son not to eat from a tree in our yard today. He did anyway. I’ve now kicked him out of my yard for disobeying.

From now on, every child descending from him will be tainted with his same guilt, despite being unborn at the time of his disobedience.

1)
This genetic guilt will pass to subsequent generations through unexplainable supernatural means so that no one can question it.

Actually, now that I think about it, I’ll take one of my other children who haven’t disobeyed me, and I’ll murder them...

2)
...that way I can accept my son and his descendants again once my anger is appeased. If - and only if - his descendants believe in my blood-thirsty, anger-appeasing sacrifice, would I allow them back on my property.”

- Yours Lovingly, Yahweh

What a father!
Read 4 tweets
10 Sep 20
"GODS" ARE DYING

Today, monotheistic religions are at the top of the religious "food chain" but ancient societies were majorly polytheistic. In other words , they had myths surrounding several gods and never really focused on one super god. Israel found itself within this...
... polytheistic milieus and much later during, and after its exile in Babylon, began creating its own ideology of the 'One True God'.

Over time, polytheistic cultures have been subject to severe "smearing" by monotheistic religions like Christianity and Islam.
To these religions, the polytheistic cultures of the ancient world were misguided, mistaken, utterly wrong. To their credit, polytheistic cultures never really laid a law on which Gods you had to worship. For instance, if you believed in Zeus, Apollo, Hera or Artemis...
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2 Sep 20
@onayinka_segun "Has anyone provided proof of God's inexistence?"
It's not the responsibility of atheists to provide proof for the non-existence of any god. No one can prove universal/absolute non-existence.  The proof of existence must come from those who make the claims of any god's existence.
@onayinka_segun If Segun claims to hear from god, and I ask for proof, it's stupid to ask me to prove that nothing spoke to him. We're dealing with the confusion of probability and possibility.
@onayinka_segun Asking me to “prove” that nothing is speaking to Segun is an impossible request because there is no test that proves the existence of such a voice. As such, there's no way to prove the negative or the non-existence.  It is up to Segun to provide proof of this claim.
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