PRINCE: Excuse me, but are there any other v young women in this house who’ll try on this shoe? I’m like, very bad with faces.

CINDERELLA: I WILL.

PRINCE: That foot—I would know it anywhere, it’s-

CINDERELLA: Webbed. Yes.

PRINCE: Exquisite.
CINDERELLA: Hey hon, for dinner do you want-

PRINCE: AHHHHHHHHHHHH!! INTRUDERRRR!!! GUARDSSSS!!!

CINDERELLA: Charming, it’s me. Your wife.

PRINCE: Oh, phew. Sorry babe, I’m very-

CINDERELLA: Very bad with faces, I know.
PRINCE: I love snuggling with you in bed, babe, cuddling after a long day of Pricing, playing footsie with your five... evenly spaced toes...YOU’RE NOT MY WIFE!!

:Cinderella enters:

CINDERELLA: Ugh, Fairy Godmother you need to stop.

FAIRY GODMOTHER: lol bippity boppity byeeee!
CINDERELLA: I want a divorce.

PRINCE: I’m very sorry to hear that ma’am, but you should probably be having this conversation with your husband.

• • •

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More from @TheLizWasser

7 May
Listen. It took me years to realize I stopped auditioning for musical theater not bc I was lazy, but bc I was in pain. It wasn’t the rejection—it was walking into a room & being made to feel like your body was unreasonable, that by showing up you were wasting everyone’s time.
It was standing in a row with 30 girls in leotards and LaDucas and watching the casting director’s eyes skip over you as he scanned the line, or mindlessly push your headshot to the rejection pile with without even looking at you long enough to see your face.
It was the urge to walk up to the only other big girl in the holding room & sit in silent camaraderie, while secretly hating she was there. There were only so many “old lady” (or “fat friend” or “clueless teen” or “sassy villain”) roles to go around and they’d never cast you both
Read 26 tweets
30 Jul 20
Dear Diary,

My name’s Peggy Schuyler & this is the first time I’ve ever started a sentence that isn’t just a continuation of what my sisters are already saying! I have so much to say I could burst!

Um.

My dress is yellow.
Mother says that she doesn’t remember if I was born or just followed Eliza in off the street one day. Angelica says Mother just doesn’t remember bc the day I was born she spent 72 excruciating hrs inhaling the ladunum-soaked birthing cloth that was also her only menstrual rag.
Anyway, I’m off to another night of being dragged around allyways. I’m sure we’ll be mugged again. Yelling “WE ARE IMPOVERISHED” never seems to stop thieves. Burr will probably watch from the shadows. He always describes what’s happening but he has never once helped.
💛
P. Schuy
Read 16 tweets

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