Thread by @demiurgent

So. I collated the #ReedRichardsisaSociopath 2014 rant into (God help me) 3 Twitter Moments because both of the archives that had been made of them no longer existed. (And since Twitter's made improvements, this coda/update can be properly threaded to be added to the Moment.)

It was... a bit personal for me, too, because one of those archives had been made by Christopher "@robotech_master" Meadows, who died a few months back... and that same morning @LinkedIn had cheerfully invited me to congratulate him for four years at his position.

But, in collating it, I also had to reread it, and thus consider what all this means seven years later, especially in the wake of @MarvelStudios and the MCU both vastly outstripping the comics as the 'definitive' take on these characters, and their upcoming Fantastic Four movie.

And... well. I do actually have some thoughts, and a few of my opinions have evolved or even changed.

I mean, not opinions about *Reed,* mind. #ReedRichardsisaSociopath. But about comics and things we took for granted and myself.

Plus... Reed's done some truly horrid things since then and I missed some of the truly epic stuff he'd done previously, because no human being alive has the capacity to truly comprehend how f'd up Reed Richards is and how horribly his family and Earth have suffered as a result.

So, this won't be anywhere near as long, but... hey! Let's do some *updating!*

First: a non-Reed caveat. I also talked about terrible person Hank Pym and how he was an interesting person who I liked as a character, because of the conflict he brought to the table.

Yeah, I'm done with that. I'll cover why in a separate thread because we can do that now.

(A separate thread's also a good idea because Hank Pym is a much darker subject at this point, and that's not what an update on this rant should include.)

But anyway! Reed Richards! Sociopath! Still! And things are--

Oh, wait. First I should mention a few things I either forgot or glossed over, like how Reed's an intergalactic war criminal who tortured sentient beings who got ground up and fed to people. Y'know. Little stuff.

No, really.

No, *really.*

Reed Richards committed full on atrocities against an alien race, which led to them being ground up and fed to people -- to *human beings* -- as *hamburger!* Canonically! In *1961!* We are *off to the races,* people!

See, some shapeshifting Skrulls had disguised themselves as the Fantastic Four, causing them trouble with the government. The FF won, because of course they did, and then said government…gave them to Reed to deal with, because they had no idea what to do with them.

Fast side note? Can you imagine being an American law enforcement, military, or intelligence operative and explaining that decision to a Congressional Oversight committee? Seriously?

"So... you actually captured real alien life forms? What have we learned from them? What have we learned *about* them? This is *massive,* Lieutenant! Where are they now?"

"Oh, seemed like it'd be hard to hold them so we gave them to Reed Richards. It just seemed easier."

That oversight committee'd then be *thrilled* to find out what "alleged most intelligent person on Earth" Reed Richards did with them. Okay, obviously he shouldn't have had custody but given his intellect and capabilities he had to have at least learned a lot about them! Right?

Well, Reed could have studied them and learned something about their physiology, their culture, their history, their technology–heck, their poetry! But he had a better idea. He brainwashed them, forcing them to turn into cows and making them forget they'd ever been anything else.

...I mean? I *mean?* I'm using the hashtag again! #ReedRichardsisasociopath and if this had been exhibit A demonstrating it I don't know why we ever needed an exhibit B! But it's so much worse than that! So! Much! Worse!

See, he left those cows in the care of some dairy farmers, who… tended them, because they thought they were normal cattle. So they put them out to pasture and fed them and milked them and–

Oh. Yeah. People were drinking milk contaminated by Skrull milk. Canonically. For years.

...this is just the start, guys. We're not even done with the Skrull Cows. Dear Lord but *wow.*

In case this seems silly and goofy–and let's be fair. This is incredibly silly and goofy and I kind of love it? But it's also HORRIFYING, and I don't mean in a fun way.

Reed Richards destroyed the minds of sentient beings and left them imprisoned in a dairy that *milked* them!

And officially he 'lost track of them,' because *why would that be an excuse anyone would even try to use?* But he left them with dairy farmers who *thought they were cows.* He *knew* Skrull... effluvia... was entering the milk supply.

Apparently, the only long term effect of Skrull milk was that the populace who drank it was generally healthier, for the record. And that's good to know because those farmers bred those cows and they hybrid cows are just part of that breed now so...

...yes. *Canonically.*

REED RICHARDS BRAINWASHED SOLDIERS, TURNED THEM INTO COWS, AND LEFT THEM WITH UNSUSPECTING FARMERS HE KNEW WOULD MILK AND BREED THEM!We're in 1961 and there's beastiality on the list! Where do you even go from there?

(That's rhetorical. This is Mister Fantastic. He will go far.)

Anyway, a few years later a Skrull found them and broke their conditioning so they could revert back to Skrulls and there was another fight and long story short the Fantastic Four won again and the Skrulls were turned back into cows. And the government may or may not have known.

(Retcons. So many retcons.)

Anyway! We do know that at least one Skrull cow apparently broke conditioning again and ended up under Doc Sampson's psychiatric care, and let me just say if he doesn't win a Nobel for that case study there is no justice left in the world.

We also know that other Skrull cows ended up being sent to the slaughterhouse where they were slaughtered for meat.

I mean, the Skrull under Doc Sampson's care might be some other Skrull, I guess? Who can tell? But we know about the Skrullburgers definitively.

How, you ask? Simple. *Some people who ate skrull-contaminated meat were mutated by it!*

So yeah. That one happened. And there's apparently no way to figure out how far spread the Skrull/cow hybrid breed has spread so... that's just on the menu in Marvel-616. That's just *life.*

(I now desperately want to find out that in Marvel-616 the @BeyondMeat people have developed a plant-skullburger.)

But then, thinking about it? I guess we shouldn't worry about it. See, Skrulls invaded Earth in 1776 and the Fantastic Four traveled back in time and stopped them and honestly, Reed *owns* a Skrull-cow-brainwashing-device and you have to get the use of it, right?

In the Marvel universe, cattle have been hybridized with the sentient Skrull race literally since the American Revolution. Because Reed Richards knows a workable solution when he sees one.

You know–the "Secret Invasion" event, where the Skrulls nearly conquered Earth and terrible things happened? You remember–we talked about it briefly in 2014. Yeah. It's kind of hard to see the Skrulls as the aggressors at this point. They have a legitimate–

–nope, not saying it.

Skrull cows. And the Vision. Who is ostensibly neither a Skrull nor a cow.

Did anyone eat a hamburger during Wandavision? I just find myself curious.

I will say this one last thing. The Skrulls are significantly more advanced than humanity.

You can tell, because they don't hesitate to actually tell Reed Richards he's a sociopath to his face.

But that's just the Skrulls, and there's so much more. So, so much more. But admittedly, that did directly feed into 2015's Secret Invasion, which kind of means this is about where things were left off with Reed and the Fantastic Four.

He was, of course, still recovering from his 'victory' in Civil War, and therefore had been on holiday making things up with his wife, because Sue Richards... honestly, at this point I assume she's into it.

Which brings me to another point to raise updating the original rant. Someone at Marvel took realized the idea that Sue met Reed when she was a tween, then later Reed manipulated her childhood crush so he could use her money to fund his work was... not good for the brand.

So does that mean that Sue was age-appropriate when they met, or a tween, or what?

I'm not sure it matters, what since it continues to define her by Reed's age. Which is interesting at this point, because Sue's by far the most powerful and effective member of the FF.