Thread by @Chinmayi

I spoke a lot about the MeToo Movement, my being banned, consent, flirting, boundaries on my spaces last time. Here are some misconceptions I saw people seemed to have

Thread.
Kindly share and read if this is going to come up again since I dont want to answer the same questions

1. The stories of workplace sexual harassment, which is what almost all of us women faced - the women are PERSONALLY KNOWN TO US.
They were ‘anonymous’ to YOU. Not to me or the women who put a LOT on the line when we shared other people’s experiences of sexual harassment.

2. Sexual harassment is about power. In MY case, in addition to physical molestation - It was also about political threatening, show of strength, threats of my phone being tapped with the help of ‘intelligence’. Threats of general safety.

3. I have been banned by Mr. Radha Ravi’s Dubbing Union since Oct 2018 for naming my molester and ALSO sharing stories of my female colleagues.
There was a cost I paid while the ones who named remain anonymous continue working. (I am still happy about what I did.)

4. Women know the difference between flirting, someone who doesn’t know how to flirt / creeps us out. Many of us have clearly said NO / walked away silently. Said men did not chase after us or make us lose our jobs.
Many have remained professional contacts and have been civil.

5. Flirting, asking someone out is not harassment. When a man understands ‘no’ and leaves one alone he isn’t named as a ‘harasser.’
The MeToo movement had women speaking of their rapists/molesters whom we couldn’t report because of (a) society (b) power (c) lack of support.

6. Please understand the difference between sexual harassment/ sexual offence. I had a tamil journalist ask me ‘neenga balarkarama seyyapattapozhudhu....’
I had to tell him I wasn’t raped but molested and there’s a difference.
Kindly do not trivialise serious offences

7. Women like me don’t hate men. We understand men haven’t been taught basic concepts of consent and boundaries.
This is an ongoing conversation. Men and women need to speak with each other and bros need to speak amongst bros and have these convos as well.

8. Though it is sad, the labour of telling a man loud and clear that his behaviour is uncomfortable falls on us because women pay the price for this.
But at least in our own circles we can hold men AND women accountable for sexism and patriarchy, internalized or otherwise.

9. How can you support?
Don’t decide what survivors want
Ask them what’s justice for THEM. (Many dont know. And that’s OK. They’ll answer if they want to)
You have no right to be judgmental on their choices or answer - they owe you nothing.
Ask how they’d like to be supported.