Virtually every woman I know has been harassed or assaulted by a man. Just because no one does anything about it and we go on with our lives doesn’t mean its rare, or that our fear is unjustified, it means some of us are “vitriolic” and some of us say nothing as a way to survive.
"Not all men are like this" - do you think we don't know that? Our lives are spent navigating which of you is might harm us.
Why doesn't that bother you? It should, but it doesn't, because it might mean prioritizing anything over what is easiest and most comfortable for you.
"Why is saying hello a problem?"
It shouldn't be, but too many times it is. Too many times it means we're followed, threatened, lashed out against.
That is a you - a men - problem. If you don't want us to fear you, do something about that. You think we haven't tried?
Girls are taught from as young as we can remember that we aren't safe outside. Don't go here, don't wear that, don't be out at this time - because we cant rely on men not to harm us - and you have the audacity to call us ice queens for asking to be left alone? Fuck you.
Women are taught that our value is determined by how well we are liked by men.
Then we are taught to fear you.
Often we learn why.
And then we are told to suspend those fears and placate you or be deemed less valuable.
If that doesn't bother you as a man it's because you like it
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Good question. No true Scotsman refers to any attempt to define a generalization by excluding a counterexample. Feminism is a social and political movement for gender equity - if you advocate for ideas that are antithetical to that goal, you are, definitionally, not a feminist.
The rub, of course, is understanding why anti-trans rhetoric is antithetical to gender equity. There are lots of reasons, but perhaps most uncomplicated among them is that enforcing a gender binary is literally the foundational tool of patriarchy. Separate but equal doesn’t work.
The idea is that gender *shouldn’t be a consideration* when we define the societal value of a person, what rights they’re entitled to, and whether they are entitled to the same protections.
TERFs argue that protecting trans rights infringes on women’s rights, but —
I think men have very, very few hardships because they are men that are not caused, celebrated, defended, and/or perpetuated by other men, because they are men.
More men are murdered! Yes. By other men (and not usually for being men)
Men do more dangerous jobs! Yes, they also systematically exclude women from those roles, and the companies, (owned by men) lobby against workplace safety regs because money and not pussies or whatever
Men work more hours! No. *Paid* hours. Women work more hours, whether they perform some of them for a wage or not, and men are more likely to do full time wage work because parenting is for girls and its easier to breadwin when you're paid 20-45% more for showing up with a dick.
A lot of men get angry in conversations about the prevalence of and accountability for sexual assault, misogyny, and the objectification and oppression of women, and it always looks alot like white people getting mad in conversations about racism.
We want to create distance between ourselves and things we know are wrong. We become uncomfortable when that distance is questioned because we know our hands aren’t clean. We know there are times we could have done more, or better, and we dont want to admit we benefitted from it.
The important question is, what are you going to do with that discomfort? Because shouting down women or people of color isn’t creating the distance you tell yourself exists. Stop trying to create distance between you and harm to others and start contributing to the solution.