Thread by @QuinnyPig

Oh I just found tonight’s Twitter thread topic. Let’s do it!

https://twitter.com/amyngyn/status/1395538916942368772

Back up any personal (NOTE: NOT CORPORATE IP!) data on my work laptop whenever I get a context-less "let's talk" message.

Putting all of my corporate expenses on my personal card, then expensing them instead of the other way around to avoid giving them the "well technically this might be embezzlement" stick if they disagree with a decision.

Never having more personal items at the office than can fit in my backpack in case I get fired.

Emailing after a verbal conversation to record the next steps agreed upon so I couldn't be gaslit later.

Not updating LinkedIn until I'd been at the company for the better part of a year.

Not trusting the positive feedback bracketing the negative feedback in the middle of the Shit Sandwich because I know later it'll turn out that was their version of putting me on a PIP.

Treating employee surveys that claim to be "anonymous" the same way I treat emails from companies telling me that my privacy is "important" to them.

Making a pact with a peer in the first few months of a job to be each other's "supervisory reference" when interviewing elsewhere.

Having a @textexpander fill-in-the-blank resignation letter ready to go at all times. I'm not kidding; here:

Assume corporate computers are rooted, keylogged, MitM'd, and have the cameras + microphones enabled at all times.

Only ever giving my employer my Google Voice number, not my actual cell number.

Never, ever, ever, ever install MDM on a personal device. The only way they should be able to wipe data is with a hammer.

Go into meetings expecting the absolute worst case disaster scenario just to avoid being disappointed by the outcome.

Carefully look at how former employees are spoken about after they've left, and leave clearly documented decision documents scattered throughout the environment to avoid being slandered later.

Have a mental dollar figure for how much money you're willing to have stolen from you. Don't ever charge a dime more than that amount at one time to your personal credit card for the company in case they don't approve the expenses.

Maxing out my PTO accrual so they're forced to pay me out at least that much when I get Surprise Fired down the road.

Discount any GlassDoor reviews that don't list actual serious drawbacks, because they probably have internal "write about how great it is to work here" workshopping sessions.

After enough of these I kinda snapped. When @mike_julian and I started this place we swore none of this kind of crap would be necessary.

We strive mightily to ensure that it never becomes so.