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Wajahat
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22 May, 6 tweets, 1 min read
A Marriage Story:

Me: Sarah, when can we come back from this (outdoor, socially distanced, mask wearing) event?

Sarah: We haven't even gone yet.

Me: Do you need me to go?

Sarah: Yes.

Me: No one cares if I go.

Sarah: Everyone cares.

1/
Me: Do I need to wear a suit?

Sarah: It's a wedding.

Me: So I can wear jeans?

Sarah: No.

Me: Why?

Sarah: No.

Me: When can we come back?

Sarah: After it’s done.

Me: When is it done?

Sarah: In the evening.

Me: Can I come home after the food?

Sarah: No.

2/
Me: Can you stay with your friends?

Sarah: No

Me: I don’t know anyone there.

Sarah: You know everyone there.

Me: They’re not my friends.

Sarah: All of them are your friends.

Me: I don’t have friends.

Sarah: Stop being melodramatic. Not everyone hates you.

3/
Me: The hosts won’t care if I’m there. They want you there.

Sarah: They specifically asked for you.

Me: I should stay with the kids.

Sarah: We have someone who will look after them

Me:...When can we come back?

Sarah: I’m not talking to you about this.

4/4
This conversation happens before every event and will continue happening for the rest of our lives.

Also, I have become my father.

The circle is complete.
Truth.

• • •

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More from @WajahatAli

Wajahat
13 May
People, the Lego Store called me and said they finally have the giant Millennium Falcon in stock...
I have saved money for this Lego Millennium Falcon. I have told my wife one day it will be mine. I said I'd gift it to myself for finishing my book if it ever came back in stock. It is now in stock. I do not know if I'm being tempted by the Force or the Dark Side...
Image
Read 4 tweets
Wajahat
26 Mar
I want to hear Georgia sports teams speak up about the GOP's blatant Jim Crow voter suppression against its own black citizens.

@ATLHawks, @Braves, @AtlantaFalcons - are you all cool with this? If so, how do you defend it to your own players and fans?
Also, would love to hear from major corporations in Georgia. How do you feel about Brian Kemp and the GOP's latestvoter suppression against black citizens?

- @CocaCola
- @HomeDepot
- @UPS
- @RandstadUSA
- @Delta
- @Arbys
- Hansen Beverage?
- @CoxMediaGrp?
Georgia is called "Hollywood of the South" bc so many movies & TV shows are filmed there. Do these studios support GOP's latest voter suppression against black citizens? Will they still do business there?

- @WarnerMedia
- @Disney
- @netflix
- @WalkingDead_AMC
Read 5 tweets
Wajahat
19 Mar
I asked everyone about what's the best butter recently and it got Kerrygold to trend. Well, they just sent me an entire box of butter and cheese for St. Patrick's Day. God bless the Irish.
Ok. Just tried it. That's some bomb ass cheese and butter. Respect.
My mother tells me I've officially "made it." A son of immigrants receives butter due to a tweet. The American Dream realized. Tear of pride.
Read 6 tweets
Wajahat
14 Mar
I want to remind the world that DANCES WITH WOLVES won Best Picture and Best Director over GOODFELLAS and Scorcese and this is why the Oscars are mostly useless.
Some of you have responded to my tweet saying Dances With Wolves is better than Goodfellas. Your opinion is incorrect and may God have mercy on your souls. I will now use this thread to correct some sins of Oscars' recent past...
2010: SOCIAL NETWORK should have won Best Picture & Best Director (Fincher) over KING'S SPEECH/Tom Hooper. You know who watches King's Speech twice? People who fall asleep on the couch while it's on. It's a fine movie. It's FINE. But nobody says, "Hey, let's watch Kings Speech!"
Read 14 tweets
Wajahat
3 Mar
I've spent 3 days trying to ask my wife what she wants for her birthday. She said nothing, but finally relented, & answered: a nice, simple handwritten card, a birthday candle on a piece of french toast (we made french toast over the weekend) & maybe some pizza. I married wisely.
Her friend sent her a Chik-Fil-A meal, which she is currently eating in her office, which is the car parked outside in the driveway to avoid our children who will never let her work. She is now in heaven.
Oh ye of little faith, I do have some surprises in store. I'm not a savage. Have faith in me :)
Read 4 tweets
Wajahat
13 Feb
I'm fine with Trump 2024. He will be further weakened, older and Biden's successes will stand in stark contrast to his failures. Let Republicans run him again and lose again.
He also isn't as powerful and untouchable as people think. 7 Republicans broke with their Golden Calf. He will also weaken and be submerged in litigation. People will try to come for the King in 4 years because they want their shot at power.
And, obviously, I would prefer he never runs again and we don't mention him. I'm just not convinced he is or will be as powerful and untouchable as some assume. If that wasn't clear.
Read 4 tweets

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