hello this is just a friendly reminder that while i’m very open and celebrate vulnerability online, i have very intense boundaries. i encourage everyone to be kind and tender with themselves but please don’t expect me or any other person online to connect with you in that way.
because i work to be present and intentional with community and language, every single thing i read takes emotional (and physical) energy. i have a full and beautiful life outside of the internet that you don’t see, and i want to preserve my energy for it.
i want to be kind and compassionate always, but kindness is not equal to depth.
a connection is best when it is consensual and mutual, which is something that takes time, especially in online dynamics (which are Very Overwhelming)
i take a very long time to adapt. new people and screen based conversations are very difficult for me. so this is just a reminder that if i am to continue making art that connects to such beautiful feelings, i have to have boundaries around my energy. 💛
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i’m tired because i spend the majority of my time masking my autistic behaviors in order to be more charismatic and fit better into society.
i do this because i spent most of my childhood feeling isolated and rejected because of these behaviors.
now that i’m an adult i have a hard time taking those masks off. partially because i spent years masking, and partially because it feels too vulnerable sometimes to just exist as i am.
i like being liked, and i don’t like feeling “jarring” to people.
but there’s this thing called autistic burnout and i’m being swallowed up by it.
i feel trapped because i don’t know how to exist socially without masking, but masking isn’t sustainable.